If it's not on...
Browsing through search results in the early hours of the morning, my fifteen year old self was awestruck by the variety of contraceptives that weren’t known as “condoms” or “the Pill”. As I sheepishly clicked through the articles one by one, I knew that there was still quite a lot for me to learn.
During the later years of high school, people were talking about how life was going to be divine after graduation. Getting their provisional licence, going on road trips or travelling overseas, going to university – the way they spoke with such ambition and grandeur. It was all about careers; not friendships or even intimate relationships.
I came from a school that although presented as open-minded, was actually very conservative. The topic of sex was always taboo – despite the fact that everyone was doing it. Whether it was embarking on your sexual awakening or continuing your sexual shenanigans, mention sex aloud and you’re in trouble. Other than learning about reproductive systems in biology or sitting through an awkward ten minute presentation for Schoolies, contraception was not covered either. Even though we learned about a lot of methods we could use, I knew of more than a few couples that thought the ‘pull out’ method was enough (it’s really not).
I went to my local GP. Who knew there were so many forms of contraception?! Female condoms, rods, injections, rubbers, there’s even patches. I ended up getting a prescription for the contraceptive pill. With some instructions on how to take it, I was on my way. However, I must say, I did become slack (which is something you should never slack on) so I began searching for alternatives.
It was embarrassing knowing how little I knew about different contraceptives as well as the numerous sexually transmitted infections and diseases you could get without using protection. Growing up, I never had “The Talk” with the parents. My education was a mash of internet porn, word-of-mouth and Google. But going to see a general practitioner to talk about it and doing some myth-busting with me did help. As time went on, looking at websites like Better Health Victoria and reading magazines gave me reminders.
Join us in the forums this Monday (20th January) at 8pm AEST, to tell us what you think about safe sex! Hope to see you there 🙂
7. How do you think porn compares to real sex? Do you think watching porn can influence/shape your attitudes to sexual relationships/sexual acts/sexual interests
I reckon this is definitly a loaded question. One the one hand it can give you a good idea on what goes where when, and maybe some techniques, but on the other it also portrays a pretty unrealisitc view of what partners should looks like (and do for each other) I was pretty shocked when I heard a guy friend a few years back complain that women with 'hair down there' were unnatural!
what are the risks with oral or hand before we even get to the point of intercourse?
@curiosity That is true. We've got a long way to go in sex ed ><" There are risks with oral sex as well as other kinds of foreplay, using your hands. They could include contracting herpes (genital and oral herpes) when having oral sex. There's also contracting all kinds of nasty things if you haven't watched your hands either 😧 I believe that although there is a long way to go in teaching everything there is to know about sex, I think that endeavouring into self-discovery is also essential in finding your path to a healthy sex life.
Hey @curiosity ! Welcome to tonight's GR! 
You have some deep questions here and they're awesome!
Has anyone here been officially taught about the way that sex is actually conducted (I mean it's not just shoving one into another right?)... What are the emotional impacts/benefits of having sex? How should we actually go about having sex when both parties have decided it is safe and comfortable to do so?
I think it all comes down to experimentation - a lot of fumbling and awkwardness. But we all get there in the end 
Some people watch porn as a how-to guide, although, it can present some very unrealistic expectations on what sex would be like with a partner 
There can be many benefits to having sex; whether it be relieving stress or exercise, haha. For others, it's seen as something special as they may feel that they are physically and spiritually connected with someone that they dearly love. With going about having sex, there are various answers - some of them are not so easy - everyone's got their preferences and how they go about things.
I never wanted/want to 100% trust what friends say, yes they are friends but I also feel they're bluffing or showing off about their experiences thus am not sure what to expect when the time comes for me. As @Myvo mentioned, iron can be a very unrealistic way of seeing how it may be portrayed in the real world with a partner…
Yes it does come to experimentation, but would you both or anyone here on the forum, have any tips to prevent the awkwardness?
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality
Man, being told that it's going to be awkward would have been fantastic. I wouldn't have been as dissapointed after the first time haha! I thought after all the talk everyone did it would have had more 'fireworks' or something
@curiosity I'm really sorry but the answer is nope. I suppose it comes down to how comfortable you are with each other and how trusting you are of each other too. In the beginning, it's awkward. I don't know a single person out there that I've met that hasn't had some fumbling and strange questions thrown at each other in the process. Maybe it could be different for some, who knows? But over time, with 'practice' and with open communication, it won't be.
Hey @curiosity
Thats a pretty good question. I know I didn't have any conversations like that through sex-ed classes, and sure as heck didn't with my mum haha. But there was a bit of talk among friends about their experience on actually doing the deed. I think the first (and second,third, fourth) time it's awkward on both sides, not knowing quite what to do. But it can also be fun working it out
5. The first time you’re sat down for ‘The Talk’ with a partner is almost always bound to be awkward on both sides. How was your first talk, and is there anything you would change?
This was actually pretty breezy for me with my current partner. After a dating for a while and decided we were ready, we didn't even need to discuss it, I had the implant and he had the condoms!
@BettieRage I think the fact that he knew I had the implant already (I liked to gross him out by squishing it around :3) made that easier, and when we were ready he just busted out the condoms, no questions asked. I think it's a good bonus when your partner is just as concerned as you are about keeping safe
what is safe sex and what does it mean to you?
To me safe sex is about protecting your body from diseases or injury (and pregnancy if you're not looking to get pregnant) and making sure that both parties are feeling comfortable, safe, respected and able to say no.
EDIT: Ooops forgot to say hi! I can't stay tonight but while be here for a little while 🙂
Hey @delicatedreamer !
Welcome to tonight's GR! Yup, keeping yourself safe by being disease-free is important. It's also important that your partner is safe too and that you've both established your grounds
I have to agree with @delicatedreamer and @Sophie-RO
I think safe sex is about making sure you keep yourself safe from some of the unfortunates that can happen. (STI/STDs, and unwanted baby-bellies!)
Safe sex to me is were everyone involved is feeling supported and listened to by their partner - and that the right steps are taken in terms of barrier protection against infections and diseases....
