If it's not on...
Browsing through search results in the early hours of the morning, my fifteen year old self was awestruck by the variety of contraceptives that weren’t known as “condoms” or “the Pill”. As I sheepishly clicked through the articles one by one, I knew that there was still quite a lot for me to learn.
During the later years of high school, people were talking about how life was going to be divine after graduation. Getting their provisional licence, going on road trips or travelling overseas, going to university – the way they spoke with such ambition and grandeur. It was all about careers; not friendships or even intimate relationships.
I came from a school that although presented as open-minded, was actually very conservative. The topic of sex was always taboo – despite the fact that everyone was doing it. Whether it was embarking on your sexual awakening or continuing your sexual shenanigans, mention sex aloud and you’re in trouble. Other than learning about reproductive systems in biology or sitting through an awkward ten minute presentation for Schoolies, contraception was not covered either. Even though we learned about a lot of methods we could use, I knew of more than a few couples that thought the ‘pull out’ method was enough (it’s really not).
I went to my local GP. Who knew there were so many forms of contraception?! Female condoms, rods, injections, rubbers, there’s even patches. I ended up getting a prescription for the contraceptive pill. With some instructions on how to take it, I was on my way. However, I must say, I did become slack (which is something you should never slack on) so I began searching for alternatives.
It was embarrassing knowing how little I knew about different contraceptives as well as the numerous sexually transmitted infections and diseases you could get without using protection. Growing up, I never had “The Talk” with the parents. My education was a mash of internet porn, word-of-mouth and Google. But going to see a general practitioner to talk about it and doing some myth-busting with me did help. As time went on, looking at websites like Better Health Victoria and reading magazines gave me reminders.
Join us in the forums this Monday (20th January) at 8pm AEST, to tell us what you think about safe sex! Hope to see you there 🙂
Keeping yourself and your partner safe during sex is priority! But sometimes, it can be challenging to understand the attitudes of others towards sex and what you think of it too. This brings us to our next question:
2. Growing up (or even now), what attitudes about sex have you come across in others – both positive and negative?
Most of the attitudes that I've encountered about sex from school/family have been somewhat negative. i.e.
- if you're on the pill, its because you're a slut, (what my mum insinuated when she made me go on it, but she preferred this way i 'couldn't get pregnant.
- you have to be in love with person that you want to have sex with for the first time
- that your sexual activity acts as your moral compass i.e. the more you have with more people, the worse off you are.
- if you get X far into the act, you have to keep going
- experimenting with your sexuality = bad
- men who like being penetrated must be gay
Its been through feminism that I've been able to find some really positive attitudes.
- you can say no at any time, you are not obligated to have sex with anyone, even if you are dating them.
- you can have alot of fun and really enjoy yourself
- its ok to carry condoms, and seek out birth control that best suits you, i.e. i have the rod now
- being coerced into it is not consent
- you do not have low self esteem, or a lack of self respect for speaking openly about your sexuality or having desires.
- sex doesn't make you dirty or a bad person
@BettieRage My mum was the same - thought I was being a tramp by being on it. Although, the contraceptive pill can possess some benefits for your skin so I was able to swing that 
The 'being in love' with your partner before you go all the way can go both ways. I have friends that prefer that but it doesn't inherently make you a 'bad person' if you're not 
The moral compass thing, although I can understand, is kind of baloney and I can imagine it being a fairly negative attitude that some people may have. And yay to feminism!
Yay feminism indeed!
Ohhhh lots of different attitudes!!
There is this guy and others like him:
Abstinence is not a great option for everyone - so it's important that we talk to everyone about safe sex options!!
Growing up (or even now), what attitudes about sex have you come across in others – both positive and negative?
I've come across a lot of different attitudes. And many are conflicting. I've listed some common ones below.
- If you're a virgin in your 20's + it's a bad thing.
- You should wait until marriage to have sex.
- You should wait until you feel safe and respected and are with the right person.
- If you "hold out" too long you won't get a guy (they won't wait).
- If you've slept with lots of people it's a bad thing (although this seems to mostly be about girls - double standard alert!)
Yup, I've come across all of those too. In the end, it's really up to how you feel about and what values you hold with sex.
The double standard! Arghhh! Like @Chonty said, guys are seen to be somewhat heroic if they have multiple partners and girls are unfairly shamed 
Wow, there are heaps of different attitudes out there about sex and sometimes, they can lead to some rather strange teachings of it. In my lifetime, I've encountered some rather bizarre ones. So, I'd like to ask this:
3. Did you get any sex ed in school – what was it like? Where else did you learn about sex?
The first lesson of my sex ed class in highschool was 'for homework go and buy condoms, every year girls get pregnat and drop out, if you're going to do it, you have to be able to buy them first'.
And then the next lesson we were putting them on chairlegs.
I went to a catholic primary school and the sex ed was surprisingly good, starting from reception where you would see a baby being given a bath, to learning about how plants and animals reproduce, then humans, then puberty, then STIs and HIV.
What was missing though was
- consent
-respectful relationships
- where you can find more information
- safe sex in a queer context
- contraceptives that wasn't condoms, i.e. the pill, the internal condom, the rod, etc
- gender issues
- anything LGBT
Some of my friends had horrific experiences in highschool where the religous schools would put sticky tape on your arm and say. 'this is a metaphor for sex, it can make you bond with someone so you stick well' and then rip the sticky tape off. 'but if you have sex with more than one person, you're dirty, and have all this skin/hair/dirt/baggage, and then it doesn't stick so well with the next person". aka if you have sex with anyone that you're not married too, you're dirty, worthless, and won't be able to function in relationships.
It would be GREAT if every school would include
- consent
-respectful relationships
- where you can find more information
- safe sex in a queer context
- contraceptives that wasn't condoms, i.e. the pill, the internal condom, the rod, etc
- gender issues
- anything LGBT
in sex ed!!!
wow @BettieRage
that sounds like a full on metaphor for sex! I can see that causing a lot of self conflict when your friends started having relationships
@BettieRage Oh, dude, that sticky tape metaphor is horrible! 
I do like your insight to what you identify as missing in sex education - if they were covered, there'd be less confusion.
.
And thankyou, sex ed is kind of a passion of mine
3. Did you get any sex ed in school – what was it like? Where else did you learn about sex?
Maan, first and only sex ed class I got was in year eight, where all the girls were put in one classroom and all the boys in another, and a sex-ed video was put on! It was awkward and funny to us all, and we didn't really take it seriously.
Then a year later my mum sat me down to have the talk but I brushed it off and said "I know it all already!" now I feel bad that I rejected her :[ haha
And I can't even remember what the video was about! Most of what I learnt was throught school friends talking
@Chonty Hahaha, I had the same experience! The only sex education I ever got was at a two year stint at a private school that threw all of us together in the room and put a VHS animation about sex I mostly learnt about sex through talking with friends, the Internet, teen magazines and the ever-so glorified pornography ><"
Hey @BettieRage
That was really well written! And a good perspective on what safe sex means
Haha @Myvo I wonder if all schools use the same video looks like we get a lot of our information from friends and the internet
Society has some pretty weord ideas about sex.
@Sophie-RO wrote:
People are so judgemental when it comes to sex!!! Like, girls can be too "frigid" and sleep around too much all at the same time!
OMG this. Totally agree Soph!
Did you get any sex ed in school – what was it like? Where else did you learn about sex?
We got a bit at my school but it was based around the biology than the practical issues of sex. And we had a lady come to tell us all we had to wait until we got married to have sex and shouldn't have abortions - oh dear :/. My main port of call for sex ed was Dolly mag and my friends.
i.e. saying that its supposed to hurt the first time you have sex (its not).
@delicatedreamer I do believe knowing the biology side is an interesting part of learning sex. Sometimes, I wondered whether students are taught that because it sounds rather unerotic XD Whoo for teen magazines!
Alrighty, next question!
4. Chances are you might find yourself in a situation where your partner doesn’t want to use protection, for one reason or another. What are some ways you can convince them it’s a good idea, and when do you think you should stand your ground?
> I usually draw out the pregnancy card, explaining how I'm not keen and how they're probably not keen about being a young parent. There's also reminding them about STIs and STDs too. You should really stand your ground if they refuse and not taking into account of you've just explained to them, start making threats (e.g. "I'll leave you"), making some rather ludicrous health claims (e.g. "I'll die/get "blue balls" if I don't have sex - which just so happens to feel better without a condom) or you're no longer feeling safe being with them.
The 'good idea' is that you will not do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Get dressed, leave.
If you're a uterus owner whos going to maybe have sex with a penis owner. Ask them what you think you should call your potential child.
If someone ever gives you some weird ass excuse like blue balls, they are a joke and not worth it. Just bail.
Really, if this happens you should probably stop everything, coz its not consensual to coerce someone into have sex without a condom.
I'd really really recommend that you try and talk about this with your partner beforehand and come to an agreement about it. ANd also talk about how if someone then goes against this in the the heat of the moment, it's at that point that you're nto consenting to the act anymore...
