RUOK?
We all have crappy days. Totally normal, right? But what about when it stops being a normal crappy day, or two, and starts affecting someone's life? Mental health problems impact around one third of young people, and despite mental health becoming more socially acceptable to talk about, suicide is still the leading cause of death in young people. It's been shown that having good social connections is a crucial protector against mental health problems, and an integral part of getting back on your feet when you're having a hard time.
With social connections being crucial to mental health, it's really important that we all know how to talk to people when we're worried about them. Looking after our friends is so important, and starting a conversation when you're concerned about someone can be really important in stopping little problems from getting bigger. It comes down to three simple words: are you okay? It might seem easy, but lots of people find having these kinds of conversations incredibly difficult. It can be hard to work out how to approach someone, what to say to them, & what to do if they tell you they are struggling.
RUOK day is coming up on the 12th September, and we want to make sure that you guys are all comfortable and ready to start conversations with anyone you're worried about. Which is why we're dedicating a Getting Real session to thinking about how to have these incredibly important conversations! Remember: a conversation can change a life.
This Monday (9th September) at 8pm AEST we'll be talking all about why these conversations are so important, what the difficulties are in starting a conversation about someone having a hard time, & how you can overcome them to make sure you have a meaningful conversation that helps you look out for your mates. This session will be relevant to everyone, so come join!
Hey guys!
Welcome to tonight's Getting Real session 🙂 We'll be discussing how to have meaningful conversations in the lead up to RUOK day (this Thursday!). A conversation can make a huge difference - so tonight we're going to talk all about why it's so important, what the difficulties in starting a conversation can be, and how you can overcome those to make sure you have a meaningful conversation and connect with the people in your life.
As always, it's important to keep the conversation within the forum guidelines, and if you need to talk to someone one-on-one, click here to find out who can help you out.
Let's get started!
Have you ever heard of RUOK day? What do you think it is about? Do you think it's a good idea?
Might be a little distracted and absent tonight but will try to keep up 🙂
Q1. Yes I have heard of RUOK day. I think I first heard about it in 2011?
I think it's mainly about starting conversations about mental health and well being and supporting those who may be in need of assistance. I think is a great idea, but think one day isn't enough, often it's not just one time you need someone to ask 🙂
@Bee wrote:
Hi guys,
Might be a little distracted and absent tonight but will try to keep up 🙂
Q1. Yes I have heard of RUOK day. I think I first heard about it in 2011?
I think it's mainly about starting conversations about mental health and well being and supporting those who may be in need of assistance. I think is a great idea, but think one day isn't enough, often it's not just one time you need someone to ask 🙂
Thanks for dropping in @Bee - it's cool if you come and go! You're definitely right - RUOK day is a great way of reminding people that it's important to check in with those around us, but doing it one day a year isn't enough. We need to know why these conversations are important, & how to have them, so that we can make sure we're looking out for one another all year round.
Have you ever heard of RUOK day? What do you think it is about? Do you think it's a good idea?
I certainly have - and I am a big fan of RUOKAY day! To me this day is about promoting awareness on starting conversations about mental health. Sometimes people find it difficult to approach difficult topics and ask difficult questions. It isnt always easy, but this day has normalised doing something we may not have felt comfortable doing a decade ago.
I think it is a fantastic idea!
@LeaLea07 wrote:
this day has normalised doing something we may not have felt comfortable doing a decade ago.
Yep - I think this is super important, because going through crappy times is something that happens to all of us (and our friends, and family), and we need to be able to have meaningful conversations about those times. I think RUOK day has been great in getting that idea out there, and creating an opportunity for people to start those conversations.
Some other year 12's and I am making nice posters to hang around the school to tell people that they are loved and to encourage conversation.
Hi all! I'm looking forward to tonights chat 🙂
I've known about RUOK for a while now, and it's so great to see it getting bigger and bigger. I think generally most people are kind and want to help out their mates, but it can be so hard to know what to say when someone is down. I think it's great that RUOK gives people info on how to start the convo 🙂
Hey guys,
I've known about RUOK? for quite a while. It's definitely got more popular over the past couple of years! It's a great concept but is hard to carry out. Not just for those asking others if they are okay, but also those who are being asked - it's hard to admit to someone that you are NOT okay.
@mischiefmanaged wrote:
- it's hard to admit to someone that you are NOT okay.
couldn't agree more with this one MM!
Great point @mischiefmanaged and @Bee , sometimes admitting you aren't OK feels impossible. I think RUOK is about creating a day where people prepare themselves for what to do if someone answers no to their 'ruok' question. Maybe it a pretty good day to tell someone that you need a bit of help.
So some of you guys have mentioned that it can be really hard to tell someone when you're not okay, which leads into our next question... Sometimes, people find it really hard to ask for help. Why do you think this might be?
Hello all 🙂 Sorry I'm late
Have you ever heard of RUOK day? What do you think it is about? Do you think it's a good idea?
Yeah I have known about it for a while now and think it is an awesome way to raise awareness about mental health.
What do you think the benefits are to reaching out for help? At what point do you think you or others should reach out to others for support during hard times?
Benefits - getting support (a problem shared is a problem halved and all that), and you might find out about options/ help for you that you weren't aware of. My motto is that you should reach out for help as earl as possible, however I don't always follow my own advice!
Sometimes, people find it really hard to ask for help. Why do you think this might be?
I think people find it hard to ask for help because they are worried that they are being a burden, that they might be judged for their problems, they think their problem is too small to warrant help, or they don't know where to turn/ who to ask for help
@delicatedreamer - thanks for joining us tonight and giving us your input on the questions so far. You raised some good points about judgement and not knowing where to turn to for help. Lucky the awareness for services is gradually growing. Hoepfully the stigma surrounding mental health decreases more at the same time.
great discussion everyone, starting a conversation isn't so hard 
we are all doing great at it tonight. Which leads me to ask this...
Have you ever been in a situation where someone isn't doing well, and you've started a conversation with them about it? how did you go about this?
I don't think I've started one as such, but I know how to continue them well I think. I met up with one of my besties today and her Dad is really sick at the moment and I think I did a good job of checking in with her. I just started off with asking how her Dad was and just let her talk and tried to listen and not give too much advice as I think she just needed to get things off her chest. I also made sure to reiterate at the end the need to take care of herself and access supports (both formal and informal ones).
@LeaLea07 wrote:
Have you ever been in a situation where someone isn't doing well, and you've started a conversation with them about it? how did you go about this?
Yep, many times. I make sure I'm one-on-one with someone, and that we're in a comfortable, relatively private environment. Usually we'd be talking about something else, then I would say something like "... so it seems like you've been having a bit of a hard time lately, how are you doing?". I think the most important thing is that if you're going to ask those questions, you need to be willing to listen to whatever the other person wants or needs to say back. Sometimes just sitting in silence and listening to someone is just as useful as offering the answers. I think just being genuine, open, and honestly caring about the person is what has helped when I've started those conversations.
@Liz2013 listening is a great skill to have! People really appreciate it when they can talk and someone is just listening. Making yourself available is great but make sure you look after yourself as well 🙂
I have found myself in similiar situations by making myself available. It can have an impact on us when we are being there for someone else. But it sure is a great feeling helping others through a difficult time.
@LeaLea07 wrote:
I have found myself in similiar situations by making myself available. It can have an impact on us when we are being there for someone else. But it sure is a great feeling helping others through a difficult time.
I think being available is hugely important. Just letting your friends know that you're open to talking about what is going on for them - even if they're not up for it at that moment, saying something like "if you ever want to talk about anything, just let me know" - that can give them the opportunity to come back when they are ready, and know that you're willing to listen to them.
So a couple of people have started those conversations... but what about when you're on the other side? If you were going through a hard time, what would you want people to do? Would you want someone to start a conversation with you about it? How would you like them to approach you?
If you were going through a hard time, what would you want people to do? Would you want someone to start a conversation with you about it? How would you like them to approach you?
Yes, I would like someone to if it was me. Often I feel very alone when I am having a hard time and I think it would make me feel comforted to know that someone cared. I might resist it a bit at first though. One of my friends did this to me last semester when I was having a hard time and she got me on my own and we had a talk, even some other girls were worried about me too. I was grateful for that because I wasn't up for a group chat. She was very understanding and not impatient or judgemental and was very focused on helping me work out some solutions. As I'm sure you can tell, she's a wonderful person. She didn't forget I was having a hard time either and checked in with me a few times during semester. We weren't that close at the time but she made me feel I could trust her which was great.
@delicatedreamer - i think checking in with people is great. It can normalise what you are going through to a certain extent as the person/people were not too confronted with what you confided in them. It also restores our faith in people caring. If we spill our beans on important things and never hear from that person again, it can make us feel uneasy talking about hard times later on in life.
It is difficult to think about how you would like to be approached, so talking about what we would or wouldn' t say might be handy.
What kinds of things do you think you could say to someone if you were worried they were having a hard time? What kinds of things wouldn't you say?
@LeaLea07 wrote:
What kinds of things do you think you could say to someone if you were worried they were having a hard time? What kinds of things wouldn't you say?
Would say:
- I've noticed you've seemed to be having a hard time... what's happening?
- Is there anything you want to talk about?
- Is there anything I can do?
- I'm here if you need to talk
- Always be non-judgemental, open, patient, empathetic
Wouldn't say:
- Maybe there's something wrong with you
- You should just do x, y, z (suggestions are not always helpful! Sometimes people just need someone to listen, not give advice)
- Anything judgemental about the situation - that's a stupid reason to be upset, why are you even bothered by that, etc
- You should just get over it
