Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is common. It doesn’t matter if you have brothers or sisters, at some point you have probably been frustrated and felt like you were competing with each other. For some, sibling rivalry may only be a small thing, like perhaps you and your sibling get competitive over a video game. For others, sibling rivalry may be more sinister and deep-seated, like thoughts of one sibling being ‘the favourite child’.
So how do we deal with sibling rivalry? Having a healthy relationship with your siblings and with yourself seems to be the most important thing. However, this can be hard, especially when you are under the same roof. Sometimes, small things can make you frustrated and overreact. Your brother ate most of the dinner and didn’t leave you much when you got home from training, and all of a sudden this is more reason that he’s egotistical and selfish (instead of hungry and having made an innocent mistake). How do we overcome these habitual thoughts and grievances? Although Step Brothers was hilarious, it is probably not the best place to turn for guidance.
What are your experiences with sibling rivalry? How do you cope? What do you say to yourself and how do you keep a healthy relationship? Personally, I would suggest keeping everything in perspective and staying patient. For example, rating the level of importance from 1 (not important) – 10 (most important thing ever) can be really helpful. However, there are probably and million and one suggestions out there, and many more effective ones!
Join in this Monday (23rd June) to talk about sibling rivalry and share your thoughts, experiences, and strategies for maintaining a healthy relationship. Although sibling rivalry is common, there are likely a ton of individual differences and little idiosyncrasies. It would be great to hear your thoughts and to learn from each other about such a common but important issue!
@N1ghtW1ng one brother is 16, and one is 13 going on 21 if you know what I mean.
Our relationships with our family can really vary at times. What is your relationship like with your siblings?
Ha ha ha... at times it is alright. At times. I guess it's a "typical" sibling relationship with a bit *cough* lot *cough* of fighting and some friendship moments.
@N1ghtW1ng it sounds like you try to get along with your siblings, especially your brother. Is it okay if I ask what makes it difficult?
@j95 i read lots of posts about you doing awesome stuff for your siblings! Seems to me like you're about the best older bro you could possibly be.
1. That he finds it funny when he hurts my feelings.
2. His absurd amount of laziness, it's absolutely ridiculous.
3. The fact that he is an ignorant weed.
@j95 You definitely are an awesome older bro 😄 It's awesome when the siblings are younger too, I get along pretty great with my much younger cousins. I just wish my bro was that much younger than me too! 😛
@Glass_half_full I feel you there. 😛
@N1ghtW1ng that sounds like a really difficult and hurtful situation, is he like this with anyone else?
@Bay52VU it's cool that you had such a close relationship with your brother. It sucks when we grow apart as we get older.
@N1ghtW1ng You're right to aim for 21 there, you don't want to get frustrated. That is anoying, I have a brother whos 20 and still a filthy animal. he doesn't clean up after himself, not in his room, not the kitchen, not the toilet. He also has a weak sense of duty to fam and he's lazy. Makes me angrry because my mum treated him like the baby all his life and now he's past repair. rant over.
@N1ghtW1ng yeah sometimes it seems like growing up and developing can be an ongoing process
Also, it sounds like he treats others poorly too? It can be really hard to know what is going on in other's lives, but mum once told me that "those least deserving of love need it the most". Perhaps something is going on for him?
I get it, you don't like school. Accept it. You have your parents and your sisters here to help you. Accept that and move on! Don't be a jerk because you hate it.
@FootyFan26 It's nice that your relationship is usually good. It's better than usually bad. 🙂
@j95 haha that sounds awesome, to be like Harry Potter! 🙂 Sometimes I wish I went to boarding school so I could get away.
@Glass_half_full YES to everything you just said. I can't say for sure whether mum babied him but it certainly feels like they're weak on him.
Hrrrm well let's think about where to draw the line then,
Why do you think that we might experience some rivalry or competitiveness with our brothers and sisters? Is it common and/or okay? When might it not be okay?
@N1ghtW1ng that's so tough because sometimes things are happening that we don't even know about, but it sounds like your family really tries to support him also. Difficult situation
Why do you think that we might experience some rivalry or competitiveness with our brothers and sisters? Is it common and/or okay? When might it not be okay?
My brothers and myself and competitive all the time! Who's bigger, who requires more food, who is the best at sports, the smartest, best cook, fastest, most friends, most female friends... Literally endless competition! But it is mostly fine as long as we are all able to step back and remember that it doesn't really matter.
It might not be okay if it was something really important or personal
Oh woops! I forgot why!
There'd probably be a whole myriad of reasons that would differ between families, but maybe jealously? Feeling threatened or confused? Alternatively you could just be fed up with being harassed, which is especially conceivable for those siblings who get physical with each other. There'd be a ton of reasons, both internal and external
Why do you think that we might experience some rivalry or competitiveness with our brothers and sisters? Is it common and/or okay? When might it not be okay?
I think we experience that because they are people who have always been there your whole life there is a sense of competitiveness whether that be school grades, sports.. It's pretty common and it's ok to a degree. Once it starts stressing somebody out for real, it's not ok, like school grades for example, if you feel like your best isn't good enough to compete with your sibling and it's becoming very negative for your mental health then it's not ok.
Why do you think that we might experience some rivalry or competitiveness with our brothers and sisters? Is it common and/or okay? When might it not be okay?
I wish i knew why, my best guess is that you live with. that was the case for me anyway. it doesn't help being around eachother all the time, but It's common but not ok to some extent. I definietely did experience this distance with my sister and it was really unhealthy, almost as if I wanted to punch her evrytime she spoke. It's not okay if you're getting upset at them irrationally or just feeling irritable around them. I think love in family is very important, and too much fighting and arguing can put a dent in that.
Why do you think that we might experience some rivalry or competitiveness with our brothers and sisters? Is it common and/or okay? When might it not be okay?
First of all sorry for the giant question 😛
Why?: Well i think a big part of it is that if you're in the same home for literally decades, even the little things will eventually start to get on your nerves. I think that's the case for literally anyone, i reckon if you're in a relationship with someone for a long time and you live with them, you still end up getting a bit annoyed at the other person, despite hopefully loving them a whole lot too. You don't get to pick family members though, so that makes it even tougher. I think it's kind of lucky that we get on with our siblings at all sometimes 😛 I would be curious to hear @Bay52VU's views and @j95's as clearly my experience is quite different to theirs, where things were/are pretty awesome.
When might it not be okay?: Well if you don't feel safe, if there's literally any violence or verbal abuse (that's never okay no matter what). Or if things are at the point where it's just interfering heaps with day to day life, negatively impacting your mental health, or anything else that means you're really not feeling great all the time.
Why do you think that we might experience some rivalry or competitiveness with our brothers and sisters? Is it common and/or okay? When might it not be okay?
Rivalry/competitiveness is definitely common and can often be ok, particularly when it pushes us to try harder and improve at things.
Some examples of good competitiveness:
- My bro used to want to be able to run faster than me, so he pushed himself to be faster and won a bunch of races at Little Athletics.
- I started playing soccer because my brother was in a team and I wanted to be able to play with him, and play better obviously.
For less fun rivalry, there's always going to be things that get annoying, and when it's long term every day with no reprive it can start getting pretty intense. But if you can shelve the issue and still have fun together doing other stuff without resentment then it's still all good.
When it's not ok... As everyone else mentioned, any abuse, serious threats/violence, things that make someone feel unsafe.
Rivalry is not for everyone. What are some tips to sort things out when you and your siblings have a tiff?
I think space is good, and to come back and talk about it when you're calmer. Just remind eachother that you're siblings and that you're suppsed to be there for eachother. I think it's important to remeber that, because it can be hard when you're fighting so often. other than that, I have nothing, if i was great at this, I would have a much closer reltionship with my sis. So any advice is welcome.
Why do you think that we might experience some rivalry or competitiveness with our brothers and sisters? Is it common and/or okay? When might it not be okay?
Rivalry is good to a point because it teaches you to stick up for yourself but too much can cause too much tension between family members and if that goes on for long enough it could cause the relations to break down.
Although I have so many siblings I don't think I've ever gone through the sibling rivalry thing, especially because they are all still kids, I mean there is a lot of competing for attention between one another but thats it.
