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Asexual/Aromantic Community

Hi everyone,
I thought we could have a space for members of our community to chat and connect with each other. I have seen a few of us around on the forums and I would love to get to know other people like me.

I have been asexual and aromantic for as long as I can remember. It is a bit hard for me to talk about as it is partially tied in with my trauma and difficult experiences I've had over the years. There is not a lot of representation regarding asexuality and many people have misconceptions about it. We are also often the targets of abuse or mistreatment. People have told me that they think it's weird that I've never had a crush on anyone, that I just haven't found the right person, that I won't know how to show affection to anyone when I get into a relationship and need to be taught this, that I am cold-hearted and incapable of love, and that other people need to get me a man or woman. My favourite being: How can anyone be asexual? I think that many people have just assumed that I will grow out of my sexuality. But it has never changed.

And then there are the awkward comments and discussions that exclude me. I'm tired of being asked if I have a partner or why I don't have a partner, and I'm even more tired of feeling as though I can't be true to myself. I usually just say no because I'm worried about what people will say if I shared my identity. It's hard to explain to people. But I really want to share this part of myself and making this thread is a start.

I love my sexuality and don't feel as though it's a choice. I was a bit nervous about making this thread given what I've been through in the past. But I hope this space makes other people feel less alone and provides some reassurance that asexuality is a valid identity.


giphy

 

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

Hey @WheresMySquishy, thank you for sharing your experience and starting this thread up. It is such a great idea because as you mentioned, there is not a lot of representation or discussion about asexuality.

 

I am sorry that your romantic and sexual orientation is linked to trauma. I can imagine that this is already a difficult topic to talk about but having related trauma would make things a lot more challenging. Hearing those types of comments must feel so frustrating and invalidating. I can understand that it may make you feel even more reluctant to share those parts of your identity. I mean, those questions seem quite invasive and I know that sometimes people can feel entitled to that information. I am sure you know this (but also for anyone else reading), but you never have to feel obliged to explain things if it feels uncomfortable or unsafe.

 

If anyone needs support to work through their sexuality, QLife is a service that offers telephone and webchat support Heart 

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

@WheresMySquishy  Hi I am very excited about this thread. I am also asexual and I believe also Aromantic although that one is a little harder for me to be sure about. I have had the whole “who are you attracted to? / when are you going to start dating?” Bunch of questions and they suck. I remember once in high school my friends were relentlessly pestering me about who I had a crush on and would not give up and when I said nobody they said I was lying so I ended up saying this one guys name just to get them to stop it was very uncomfortable. When I have told people I am asexual it is usually followed by either “what is that” or “that is weird” and when I tell people I have never ever had a crush they usually seem very shocked or surprised like it is impossible to never have had one. 

 

I really wish that is was something that was more talked about because then I may not have spent so long wondering why I was different and not knowing why I didn’t fit any of the usual list of sexualities they tell you about. I am a lot more comfortable with it now and while I don’t advertise my sexuality I don’t hide it either. 

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

@Eden1717  I'm really sorry you had those experiences. Smiley Sad But I'm glad that you're more comfortable with yourself now.
I agree with you that asexuality should be talked about more. Not many people know what it is or understand what I experience. I think that the AVEN website explained a lot of things well in the FAQs section but I feel like asexuality should be included in discussions about sexuality in school or in the media. A lot of people think of sexuality as just being on a spectrum from heterosexual to homosexual. There is rarely any mention of asexuality. It can also be hard to work out whether we can be included or represented in 'rainbow' events and organisations.

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

@WheresMySquishy  Yeah they really should teach about it in school at the least. I think at times being asexual can be a very lonely thing especially with the world often so focused on finding love but then also defining love as a heterosexual relationship, well it can just be very isolating. 

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

@WheresMySquishy Hey! I also consider myself asexual. There really are a lot of misconceptions about it, a particularly harmful one being that asexuality isn't part of the LGBT+ community, but I believe the representation is slowly becoming more visible.

 

I also consider myself queer in that I am a wlw and many people seem to think that these two things can't go hand in hand. It's very annoying when people make assumptions like that, particularly because I am still trying to understand my own identities, particularly asexuality (sometimes I feel more asexual and sometimes I feel more demisexual). 

 

I personally don't like putting a label on anything because it's restrictive and personal to me so I try to keep labels just for me to try understanding how I feel in that moment so it's difficult when you start opening up and people expect a label or to answer all their intrusive questions.

 

I wish more people understood that we don't owe them a label and to not make assumptions about our identity if we do give them a label.

More people just need to understand asexuality better as a whole and not make ignorant comments about someone identity(s).

 

Label or not. You are valid. Your identity is valid. No one else can tell you how you feel.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

@Rattata  I love what you have to say about labels!
We have the right to feel the way that we feel. It's frustrating that a lot of people don't understand the difference between romantic orientation and sexual orientation. Some people who are asexual have romantic feelings towards other people and some don't. It's also totally okay for our identity to shift.
I feel like just as we have the right to have a voice, we also have the right to stay silent and not owe people an explanation or something that they want if we're not comfortable with providing it.

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

My new psychologist asked me if I was asexual in my first session given I disclosed that I'm unsure if I want to be in a romantic relationship in the future

 

My point is, I'm just not sure if I am or not. I've had a read on such matters online, but that has made things confusing

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

@WheresMySquishy YES! I'm really glad there are people around that understand that. Identities and how you feel change all the time so I really like what you said about we have the right to have a voice, we also have the right to stay silent. I think that's a really good way to phrase it! 

 

@hunginc It is completely valid to be confused. Reading about things can be helpful when you find something that helps you describe how you feel, but don't feel in any way pressured to figure it out. 

Re: Asexual/Aromantic Community

Yesterday was international asexuality day! Happy Ace day everyone. 

 

also it made me a little sad that i didnt know about this until midnight, but there wasnt even a single post on any of my social media except for one which is very sad.