Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

I am so confused

The truth is I keep having these thoughts that I am bi or lesbian when infant I have never been attracted to girls. I have been in a relationship for 3 years and now I am engaged I just keep saying the LGBT things and I start overthinking about it I know I am not bi or lesbian but I can’t help but keep think about it .. I am stressing out so much I wanna talk to my Fiancé about it cause I love him so much and I don’t wanna lie to him but I am scared about what he might think about me .. I honestly don’t feel attracted to girls but because of this I keep thinking what if I am attracted to them but I have many friends that are girls and I do not feel anything for them .. this started when a girl told me that she like to date girls instead of guys which made me feel confused and then once she told me she likes me as a joke which made me think and I started thinking thinking about it and about her but I didn’t like her I don’t even like her but it made me think so much I don’t know what to do because I love my Fiancé but this is driving me crazy.. pls help is this normal as I have seen many people feel the same after looking at many LGBT posts ...



Re: I am so confused

Hi @Denise123! Welcome to the forums!

I'm sorry that you're feeling so confused. Smiley Sad These kinds of thoughts are super common and normal. Sexuality isn't always black and white. I'm sure that a lot of ReachOut members have experienced similar things and might be able to give you some helpful support.

I think this article is really helpful, especially the part where it says that a few experiences or crushes don't necessarily mean that you're gay and that you don't have to label yourself. There is also a service where you can get support regarding your identity and sexuality called QLife.


Re: I am so confused

Hi @Denise123, welcome to the forums!


One thing that helped me work it out for myself was that if I tried to imagine dating a guy, it was like "... why would I want that..?". Not because there's anything wrong with boys or with dating them, but because there's just no attraction there for me.


Some people find it really helpful not do even assign themselves a label - they think of it more as simply loving who they love, and leave it at that. Do you think that might be a less stressful way to think about it? 


Also, if you have OCD, it's probably worth knowing that it can cause some people to compulsively question their gender or sexuality, even if all of the evidence points to one thing. This doesn't mean you definitely do have it, but if you've been diagnosed with it or have other symptoms it might be worth looking into.