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Taken

Three years ago my doctor told me they thought I was neurodivergent. 

It made so much sense.

Why I struggled to make friends, why I couldn't speak when I was anxious, why I had 'weird' eating habits, why existing just felt overwhelming

I had an evaluation done by a psychiatrist who agreed.

All of a sudden all the hate I had for myself, for being weird, socially awkward, for struggling to just be, left

Because I realised I wasn't weak. 

I was just living in a neurotypical world that wasn't meant for me.

But today when I finally went to my psychiatrist asking for them to confirm the diagnosis.

They said they disagreed, and they wouldn't do it.

And all of a sudden.

I couldn't breathe. 

Because I felt all that hate and confusion and isolation that I had pushed away.

Fall back in and suffocate me. 

And now I don't know what to do because  the answer I thought I had.

The identity I have been holding on to.

Has been ripped away from me. 

 

 

Re: Taken

Hi @Blurryphaced 

So sorry to hear about this, no wonder you are feeling so down! I am currently going through the process of getting an assessment for ADHD as I have struggled all my life and have only just worked out what is happening for me. I know what its like when you get some clarity and understanding about how your brain works and suddenly that self hate starts to fade. I know for me I have already looked up heaps of stuff about ADHD and I have felt less alone and stopped being so mean to myself about the way my brain works. I don't have the diagnosis yet and even if I don't get it I already feel better as I have been able to see myself a different way and have been able to use some of the strategies that I have found. I am not sure if you can try to talk to the psych and get an understanding of where they are coming from? If through this process you have found out more about yourself that is a positive and perhaps there are some strategies you can still put in place that will help. 

 

I went to a comedy show recently and the comedian also is neurodivergent and I like how they framed it, they said I am someone with unique brain and that's not bad just different, which i totally agree with. Hope you are ok!