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Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

If you don't say yes or no but let it happen even though you're unsure does it count as consent?

 

No. Consent is not just the absence of a “no”. Even a “maybe” isn’t good enough. Someone must be happy and comfortable with what’s happening, and they can communicate that with “yes” or “that feels good” or “keep going”, or even really keen body language.

When in doubt about whether your partner is happy to keep going, check in with them.

If you feel like you might have experienced non-consensual sex, I suggest you speak to a service like Rape Crisis to see how you can get the support you need.

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Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

 Okay and now here’s the next question for us all to talk through together (great answers so far!):

What are some ways you can ask someone for consent? How often should you check? When don’t you need to ask?

 

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

Just a reminder after out first question that if you are feeling triggered at all or uneasy that you can follow the link at the top of the page for emergency help or call 1800 RESPECT ( 1800 737 732 ) otherwise follow the links on the first page of this chat.


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

It can be tricky to find ways to ask someone for their 'consent' without feeling really dicky. Try to just 'check in' with your partner by asking things like 'does that feel okay?' or 'would you like it if I ....?'.
You're checking for consent, but you're also getting to know what they like and don't like, and what feels good for them.
jackpot!!!!

 

that said, you also need to make sure you're clearly getting their consent. 'do you want to ....' and 'are you comfortable with this?' are always good defaults.

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

What are some ways you can ask someone for consent? How often should you check? When don’t you need to ask?

I think being upfront with someone and about whether they feel comfortable with doing something is a good way to ask someone for consent, but also to remember to never assume that doing something is okay (no matter how minor or insignificant it might seem to you). I think as @Giv-SexEducator mentioned really keen body language might give you an idea if the person is enjoying themselves, and if there is an absence of that you may just want to ask if what you're doing is okay just to be safe.

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

What are some ways you can ask someone for consent? How often should you check? When don’t you need to ask?

 

I'm 15 going on 16 and a virgin so Idon't really know how often you should check but I'd say if they start to lose interest or show signs that they're uncomfortable whatever those may be.

 

You could just straight out ask if they wanna have sex.  Or you could do the romantic stuff they do in movies and see if they follow along and say yes.  I probably wouldn't trust texting, emailing etc. just because there might be someone else answering.

 

I think you always need to ask.  I feel like not asking would me making assumptions and if the person is intoxiacated or under the influence they wouldn't be in the right headspace to say yes or no with clear judgement.  I personally would never not ask, although I do plan on staying a virgin so... yeah.

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

@FootyFan26 yeh, I agree with a lot of what you've said there.

Texting isn't great for gaining consent, because it needs to be given at the time and place of the sexual act (or whatever you're doing) taking place. You can't REALLY give consent ahead of time, although that's always good to have AS WELL! 

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

What are some ways you can ask someone for consent? How often should you check? When don’t you need to ask?

 

I think it's just about checking in to make sure they're ok with whats happening, doesn't have to be big a dramatic. Could be questions like "is it okay if I do _?" or "Are you into doing _?". It's made to seem like a hugely awkward thing to do, but it doesn't have to be!

 

How often would probably be up to whoever you're with and they're personal preferences, definitely something that should be talked about before anything happens. Clear non-verbal signs of enthusiasm/lack of would most likely be times when a question might not be necessary.

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

What are some ways you can ask someone for consent? How often should you check? When don’t you need to ask?

 

Well, the easiest way might be, do you want to have sex? Or is it okay if i do (thing you want to do). 

 

I guess the cool thing about sex is it's generally not a solo activity, so the person might tell you what they would like too! I know, amazing right? 

 

I think it doesn't hurt to ask every time and and whenever you might want to try something different too. 

 

And when don't you need to ask? 

Hmm well that's a tricky one because it's always good to ask, but perhaps if the person is being very clear with their body language, or has already said yes like right before you have sex,  it might be okay to not ask. Interested to hear other people's answers

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Consent

@FootyFan26 yeah I agree that you should ask someone in person. And even if it was the same person you were texting/messaging, their feelings may have changed once you meet up with them.