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Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

@Stingray1 I had re-occurring dreams for a long time and I found calling someone I trusted and talking it out with them helped, also just getting up and doing an activity that distracts you helps like watching a to show, solving a puzzle, playing Xbox or PlayStation. 

 

In the instance you have woken up after a flashback, first try a breathing exercise, then a distraction exercise (eg. Think of what you had for breakfast lunch and dinner and describe them to yourself) and once you have calmed down try reasoning - the 'flashback' was not real, I am safe. 

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

We often use the word survivor to talk about our experiences, why is that? What are some other ways of talking about sexual assault that support survivors?

 

I think the word survivor is an empowering word, it lets people know there's hope. I think it's important to talk to people in a way that is supportive, non judgemental and most importantly driven by where the person is at, if a person has chosen to talk to you about this I reckon it's important to ask them what is okay and what is not okay! 

 

@sasperth

 

I have a question for you:

 

Will a person get in trouble if they report  a sexual assault to the police and  have been using drugs?

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

You know what you are saying here does sound like hard stuff. I really hope that you are going to see a counsellor because these things can really be helped by some therapy. 

 

You see the mind likes to try to work things out, so it is bringing things up over and over in order to solve the "problem", if you like. However what happens when it is trying to stop something or stuff it away it actually tends to strengthen the bad thoughts. So therapy is the safe way to bring it out of the cupboard, drawers, wardrobes what ever!  

 

When you are alone however and it feels not safe, then it is best to ground yourself over and over (as in my previous response) because it is really hard to open the stuff up when you are by yourself. 

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

Really great answers everyone, it's wonderful to see you all providing support to one another!

 

Time for the next question

 

You’re never obligated to tell someone about your experience with sexual assault, but in some situations (like starting a new relationship) it can be something that you might choose to do, what are some things to think about if you’re ready to talk about it?

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

Great stuff @Mel93for validating others Smiley Happy

Rsg

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

My problem is once you've spoken about it, i literally have no idea what the next step is. It's kinda like here's a shitty thing, i told you, the end. I only recently told my psychologist and i felt like such an idiot. Considering it actually happened months ago and i was fine for a while, like legitamtely fine, and then for some reason it just continually circles my head now. My question is what the hell is suppose to happen after you've told a psychologist?

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

@Ben-ROThats a good question, we want people to report sex assaults, but this is a reason why many do not. The short answer is no, but it is important that we are told everything in the lead up to and after the incident because we are able to prepare the persons evidence and take everything into consideration in the investigation. The effect of drugs on a person may even render them incapable of giving consent so it is better we are told about the drug use. Importantly the police can use discretion not to prefer charges for drug use in these matter and in almost all cases we dont prefer charges where victims have told use they have been using drugs. I hope that makes sense and answers your question.

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

Thank you. Appreciate that. That is one way to look at the dreams, as the can't hurt me, the are just dreams but sometimes those dreams you don't want. I think you are all amazing doing the jobs you do and finding ways to cope which I am sure is hard for youse,vets at time. So thank you for being there for us as well as yourselves. 

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

Great question! If it is a really new relationship, I would check out the person in different situations and with different people before you commit to them. When you feel ready, ask them if they can listen to you about something that upset you and hurt you in your past? That will give them a chance to re-set and get into listening mode or maybe you might get a poor response that is not encouraging and then I would take a second thought about whether you feel safe with them and whether they are the right person for you. Take it slowl. If they do have the headspace to be compassionate then you can tell them what and how much you want to. Give yourself permission to not answer some questions. Also again make sure you are in a good space yourself and take good care of yourself, remembering an assault is never your fault.

Rsg

Re: [SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)

I have a question as well, if you consent to some things but have absolutely repeated no a thousand times plus to something else, and are quite drunk, but it happens any way but you don't say no at the time, and just freeze instead, how is that quantified?