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Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

@j95great question choice!

 

What can you do if you feel like you’re going backwards and that you are putting in hard work and getting no result?

 

This can be such a difficult thing to cope with, especially when it feels like all of your energy is going into working to feel better, but nothing seems to be really changing. Recovery is a process, and it's really important to have patience with yourself - you're doing okay even if it in the moment feels like you're getting nowhere. Practicing self-care on the bad days would be a great place to start, and trying out different coping strategies like @Stealth_ninja said. I think it would be also important to celebrate progress no matter how small it is - sometimes it's hard to see all of the awesome skills we've built up throughout the recovery process, but if we look back, we might think that we have in fact come a long way.

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Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

Yeah I asked but I haven't got answer haha, way too hard to think of one at this point
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

@MaddyCanTeen that was a cool response and it's going to take me a moment to fully digest it i think! Smiley Happy 

 

Tell me a bit more about openess and being non-judgemental. Can you give an example of what that might look like for a person? 

Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

Thanks for your response @MaddyCanTeen but I have to admit even reading your response, just at the end where you suggested some other things you can do like gratitude diarys etc it just made me even more anxious because i have no idea how to fit that in or find time to do that without being emotionally exhausted. 

 

My question was kind of around that because, what if you know what to do e.g. mindfulness, meditation, gratitude but for some reason you just don't do it. Why does that happen? Is it because things are not bad enough? Or maybe I deeply believe it won't work, I dont know.

Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

I know that for me sometimes when I'm in a really bad space, none of that stuff comes to my mind @Stealth_ninja and its almost like I get tunnel vision, all the things I can do to help myself, unless they are literally in arms reach, are completley forgotten about. 

Depends on the situation though

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

Is it possible to accept life with tough times in it? How can you do that?

 

Totally agree @Ben-RO! I think talking about how to just sit with the fact that life does throw difficult things in our path is really important. I think that when we are living with a chronic illness it can often feel really isolating and people can often feel like they are the only person going through what they are experiencing! I think it is this idea that makes us kind of forget that life in general is full of good time and more difficult times. I guess this idea can feel especially difficult when the rough times feel like they can last forever!!

 

There are a few things we can do to help get to this space where we can be okay with difficult things happening in our lives. The first thing to really acknowledge is that being "okay" with something does not mean we have to be happy about it, like it, or even tolerate it sometimes (haha!!). It more means that we are okay with the idea that sometimes sucky things happen - because this also means that good things happen!

 

Some things that can really help us get to this place are through having good support networks or safe trusting people you can speak to e.g. health professionals. By incorperating mindfulness and non-judgemental outlooks into your life - when looking internally and externally at the world. By engaging in self care practices (e.g. things that make YOU feel good about YOU!!!) and showing compassion towards yourself. 

 

If we can learn to acknowledge where our thoughts and mind are focusing and observe our trains of thought / self talk in a non-judgemental way then we also open up the opportunity to activetly notice different thoughts or feelings that we have throughout the day and how they vary during tough times or challenging compared with happier or easier times. It also gives us the opportunity to challenge these thoughts when they are untrue and allow us to sit with the anxiety or distress of the thoughts that could be true. By doing different pratices such as these we can learn to live more in the moment and therefore can appreciated really special moment and also sit with and be "okay" with the more difficult ones =)

Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

@Stealth_ninja I don't know if i have the whole answer for you, but i know that part of it is that acceptance can take a bit of work. It takes practice to pracitce these skills, and yeah that's heaps tough when you're low on energy already.

 

Learning to be open and not judge what's happening is tricky. Our brains are much better at thinking about what's wrong- we're kind of wired for worrying. A lot of the suffering we experience is a bit of a short circuit caused by that "worry wiring" we can get stuck in a loop where we experience pain, the pain makes us worry about the pain and because of that we now have the pain plus the stress about the pain. And then we have even less energy! 

 

So the trick is to teach your brain a new way of processing what's happening. Instead of going into a loop caused by worry worrying, you practice acknowedging that there's some painful stuff and accepting it as something you can't change (at least for now). Then you focus on something you can change, defeating the worry wiring by thinking about the good stuff that's still there, being in the moment and not the future or remembering what has been lost. That takes practice though, but just by praciting you start breaking the feedback loop a little, and hopefully that gives you a spoon or two of energy back Smiley Happy 

Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

Have you ever thought about writing the things you enjoy doing / that help you in those moment on a post-it note or sheet of paper and maybe carrying it around with you in your wallet / sticking it to the back of your bedroom door @j95?

Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

Yeah i know what you mean @j95, I guess i kind of just told myself that when i'm in a good place i need to do it to "prepare myself for my future problems" but definitely in the moment when things are bad I can't do anything either. I feel like that is a pretty common thing to experience which is why it's probably pretty great we are talking about this today!

 

also good point about "it depends on the situation", every situation is so different!

Re: [Special guest] CanTeen - I've tried everything, now what?

Yeah, got a pretty extensive safety plan on my phone, with a whole heaps of distractions and things to redirect my thoughts during anxiety attacks and stuff, just have to remember to use it @MaddyCanTeen

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//