[SPECIAL GUEST] Consent
If you don’t know a whole lot about it, consent can seem like a confusing part of sexuality. It’s a topic that, until very recently, hasn’t really been discussed openly in society and in most cases is still seen as a private thing that shouldn’t be talked about.
This leaves a lot of us with unanswered questions. What exactly is consent? What does it look like? How do you know when you have it? The list goes on.
While many of us have at least some of these questions in our minds at one point or another when we start to explore our sexuality with other people, not many of us feel comfortable bringing them up with a partner. When we’re taught that talking about consent is weird at a larger level, it can make us feel like talking about it one on one is weird as well. When you think about it this weirdness is pretty bogus, why shouldn’t we be able to talk openly with a person we do something so intimate with?
This is where our special guest for this month’s Infobus session, Giverny Lewis from Family Planning NSW, comes in. She’ll be helping us to figure out what consent looks like, how to ask for it, how to let your partner know when something is a no-go and how to challenge bad attitudes about consent.
Got a question about consent that you’d like us to talk about? Submit it here!
Join us on Thursday the 28th January, 9pm AEST as we talk about one of the most important parts of being sexually active, consent.
If you want to learn a bit more about it in the mean time this video gives a pretty great basic run down, check it out!
Thanks for sharing your insights and giving us heaps of information and things to consider @Giv-SexEducator!
Annnd it's 1030!
I did not realise that. Wow that went fast.
I think I'll be posting a summary some time tomorrow. Until then, thanks so much @Giv-SexEducator for joining us and sharing the contents of your amazing brain!
And a special thanks to @Chessca_H for suggesting this topic and helping me email and organise and do all the things!
Goodnight everybody! You're awesome and way too smart. I am going to have to make harder questions next time, muahaha.
How well do you think young Australians understand consent? What do you think we “get” and what do you think we should focus on learning a bit more about?
From tonight’s Infobus alone, I think all of us have a pretty clear idea of what consent looks like! Speaking more generally, I think that it’s a conversation that we definitely need to have more, but it’s a really positive thing that we are starting to have these conversations. The more we talk about consent, the better.
I think that as @Ben-RO said before, making room for ‘no’ in discussions about consent is also important.
Just a reminder that if our discussion tonight is distressing for you in any way, please contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), the links on the first page of tonight's chat, or
Don't be afaid to say no. The way the other person reacts to this response has nothing to do with you.
It should also be noted that buying a drink for someone does not give you a one way ticket for their panties. It is a drink, not consent.
Okay, time for our next question!
How well do you think young Australians understand consent? What do you think we “get” and what do you think we should focus on learning a bit more about?
How well do you think young Australians understand consent? What do you think we “get” and what do you think we should focus on learning a bit more about?
I actually think Australia's drinking culture and also drug taking behaviour is something which is a really important thing to keep in mind when talking about consent. I think many young Australians who enjoy going to parties may sometimes take drugs and alcohol in order to feel more comfortable about asking if someone would like to have sex, because lets face it things may not be as scary when you're under the influence. But sex in its own right is something that can be very beautiful and meaningful, and having sex when you're not sober is something that can diminish that experience, and again as @Giv-SexEducator mentioned, put you at risk of being a perpetrator or victim of assault.
How well do you think young Australians understand consent? What do you think we “get” and what do you think we should focus on learning a bit more about?
It seems to me that i am talking to a bunch of young australians who get the concept of consent (and how to use it) pretty comprehensively.
I am thinking a bit about the fact that it's hard to say no sometimes, and that worries me a little bit.
So i think we need to keep pushing the concept of consent (because not everyone is as switched on as you all are) but also start talking about how to make sure someone feels comfortable to say no.
I have some thoughts on that, but I'll leave it there for now so i can read all your responses 😛
From my experience running sex education with young people (and adults), a lot of us just don't really know how to communicate BEFORE, DURING and AFTER sex, or any sexual act.
We don't have opportunities to practice using the right words or terms of phrases, so when it comes to the heat of the moment, we really struggle to put things into proper sentences about what we want and don't want.
This extends to people not being able to say "actually I think we should use a condom", through to "I really don't like it when you grab my ass", for example.
We need to learn better communication skills for sex.
So how can we start to learn better sex communication skills @Giv-SexEducator
@Ben-RO How can we learn better sex communication skills?
Start practicing! From the very first kisses with someone we can start modelling consent and communication. Like "that feels good" or "can you go a bit slower/faster/harder/softer" is a really nice way to introduce the conversation.
We also need to improve the sex ed in schools, which is part of my job at Family Planning! Teachers find it awkward to chat to students about sex, so then the students feels awkward in return and get the idea that talking about sex IS awkward and should be avoided at all costs.
Forums like this are amazing and a great way to engage in open and honest discussions in a way which is less threatening than face-to-face!
Time for the last question, loving all of the responses we've gotten!
If you’re still not sure or are worried about something to do with consent, who can you talk to?
If you’re still not sure or are worried about something to do with consent, who can you talk to?
The only places I really know are 1800 RESPECT or other helplines. I've been told there are also centres around for youth to go and ask abotut issues like this be given advice etc. but I don't know what they're called.
Thanks everyone for your contributions! Hope it was a helpful sesh.
I look forward to the next one!
Good night everyone, hope you enjoyed/learned a bunch from this session! 🙂
If you’re still not sure or are worried about something to do with consent, who can you talk to?
ReachOut have a great resource list available.
Otherwise I would suggest school counsellors (or any counsellor), your PDHPE teacher, youth workers, or any health professional (including a doctor or nurse).
There is always going to be someone who is happy to listen and help. Consent is really important, so make sure you chat to someone if you're at all worried!
Ahem
You can talk to us here on the RO forums for starters. Always happy to chat!
@OceanMaster1207 thanks! and it warms the cockles (pun intended) of my heart that people are just as keen to talk about it as I am!
