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20 M Virgin, really worried about my appearance

This is me: [image removed]

I'm a 20 year old straight guy and I've never had a girlfriend but at the same time I'm pretty social and go to college and work a regular job around people. I'm starting to wonder if my looks are weird to girls? Please be honest, am I good looking or not so much?

By weird, I mean lacking masculinity or dimorphism, making me appear gay opposed to flatout ugly. I've heard comments like this before from both genders.. Saying I look gay or like I should take hormones.... Starting to wonder if people actually think of me that way. A ton of cute girls on another website in rating threads(where I could see what they looked like) rated me as ugly or average or said sorry, you're not my type almost every time :/


Re: 20 M Virgin, really worried about my appearance

Hey there @Killab93 — welcome to ReachOut.

Thanks for sharing on here; you're definitely not alone in feeling this way.


First up, I had to remove the link to your photos. We don't allow anything that makes you personally identifiable on here, and that can include pictures of yourself.


You sound a lot like me. I was a "late bloomer" and I was a 20/m/virgin too. I look a lot younger than I am and always have (when I was 16 I was often asked if I was 12; people now think I'm 10 years younger than I really am).


I've heard it said that you can't make someone else happy until you learn to make yourself happy. That applied in my case and it might apply in yours too. Whatever is going on in your life, make it one that you're happy with in every way possible. Make a life you're proud of because you worked for it and you like it. Make a life for yourself that doesn't need anyone else in it.

You'll find yourself more comfortable with who you are, more confident in yourself, and entirely more content with your life.

Fun fact: girls dig that. They can smell that self-confidence on you a mile away. The smarter, open-minded ones can even detect it through online dating profiles.

(For any girls reading, guys dig this too — independently-minded, self-confident people are very sexy)


And if you're still worried about your looks, grow a beard. I have a scruffy unkempt beard — I can barely grow a beard really — and my friends all say it makes me look older; my fiancé won't even let me trim it!


Re: 20 M Virgin, really worried about my appearance

Hey Killab93,


Thanks for sharing your concerns on the forum, I'm sure there are lots of people having similar struggles to yourself.

Being a girl I can say that Lex is totally right, girls love a guy who is comfortable with who they are. It makes them feel comfortable to be themselves around you.


I'd also like to add that a lot of girls like guys who don't really care about their appearance too much, sometimes it can be really confronting to meet a guy more into his looks than you are.

And also, looks really don't matter that much! It sounds cliche but personality always shines brighter than appearances. If you want a boost of self confidence, then feeling fit and healthy always help me. Not saying you have to be fit to be attractive but when I'm feeling a bit down about the way I look, exercise and a healthy lifestyle always helps me feel better Smiley Happy 


I was also a late bloomer when it came to dating, it can make you feel really self conscious. Just remember everyone has to go at their own pace and once you get there you realize dating is not as hard as it seems! Hope this helps Smiley Happy



Re: 20 M Virgin, really worried about my appearance

Hey @Killab93 ,

Welcome to Reach Out!
Not having a girlfriend by the age 20 is not as uncommon as you think. i know lots of people who have remainded single up to that point, including friends, aquantances, family members etc.
Every girl has a different taste in guys, some girls are more attracted to the manlier, bearded,  type guys... And some are more attracted to the cuter 'baby-faced' types (not that those are the only two types).
When you get to know someone though, I find that personality is the key. I pay far more attention to what I would consider an attractive personality than an attractive apprearance. 
Confidence is also plays a major role in attractiveness. So maybe a good start would be to work on your confidence?
Hang in there, girls may be tricky, but one day you'll find yourself in a rewarding relationship.


Re: 20 M Virgin, really worried about my appearance

Hi @Killab93,

I think being confident with who you are, not who you want to be, is a massive step. I also think knowing your strengths and weaknesses is important, but in general, knowing who you are is important. You shouldn’t have to change who you are for anybody. Handling negative comments isn’t easy, but I think you’ve just got to be persistent and confident in engaging with people, as difficult as that is, but it can get better slowly. Also, being a twenty year old male that is a virgin, is perfectly okay and normal.

I’ve attached some links, that I think may be useful;


Re: 20 M Virgin, really worried about my appearance

Hi Killab93, 


Looks aren't always what matters when it comes to relationships. Every person has their own preferences when it comes to characteristics or traits when finding an ideal partner. One person might think you're ugly but another may think that you're handsome. Smiley Wink 


It's not uncommon for people going into their twenties to not have had a relationship - I know several of my friends who haven't. So you're definitely not alone. Building up your confidence and being comfortable with yourself is important. It's a good start to recognise your strengths (i.e. what you're good at and what you like about yourself) and use that to their full potential.  To be independent and to just be be yourself can be seen as inspiring to others - positivity does draw in more people! 

Stay excellent

Re: 20 M Virgin, really worried about my appearance

Hey @Killab93 

Thanks so much for sharing your feelings and thoughts I definitely feel as though many people both guys and girls will benefit from the advice you're getting. 

I know a ton of people that have yet to be in a relationship at 20 and even older! I believe everything happens when its suppose to and you'll find the right girl when the time is right. If someone is merely judging or dating you for your looks that says alot about them as a person. As previous people have also said there isn't a universal look to being good looking or not, what I might find attractive the next person probably wont.

As a girl I would say personality and what makes a person inside matters much more than muscles and a good looking face. 

You have to show confidence in yourself and accept your flaws to allow others to do the same.

Never hate the way you look Smiley Happy