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20 years old and struggling in life

I'm a male, I've just turned 20 years old, living in Australia I just struggle in life and I feel like I'm going to get nowhere. Every day I wake up feeling retarded because I have trouble with concentration, understanding, listening, remembering etc, just things like that and a couple of other things. I have no job or I'm not studying. All my day consists of is getting up late, playing video games or watching TV all day and as I get money from the government because I don't have a job, I just use it like an idiot and just spend it all on crap I don't need instead of trying to save. As part of getting the money I'm supposed to look for work but I just don't ever have the interest to look for work. I recently did a security course and I went through a bad trainer and my good friend who has been doing security for 2-3 years is helping me out with reenactments on what security guards do, while I'm understanding most of it and he thinks I'm doing good at it, my problem is how to remember it and he tells me that he can't do reenactments with me for much longer because he says I need to work it out for myself and that's were i'm worried and im not going to work it out for myself. His girlfriend sits there too and watches me do the reenactments and she says I do good but she goes behind my back and tells my friend saying I'm not doing that good and she doesn't get why I struggle with it sometimes because they say it's common sense. Also in the middle or reenactments I forget what I have to do sometimes and I have to stop myself and think for a few seconds and my friend says you can't do that when your really working in security. Also during reenactments I forget to say certain things and he corrects me after or during them when we've done them. He thinks I can do security, I say to him I think I can do it too but I don't know if I can do it. Also I have pissed my friends girlfriend off too on other things too and I don't even know why I would have I don't even do anything that's that bad to her and that's another thing I'm just worried that I'm never going to have a girlfriend because im not attractive, I struggle, I don't have a job, I'm a nerd as in I'm not smart I just like really nerdy things, I might do something that will piss off a girl and I won't know that I will, I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship because I've never had a girlfriend hell I have never been kissed!! It's also rare for me to get hugs from girls! it's stupid how real complete assholes can get girls! i have tried talking to girls, they think I'm a nice guy but they aren't interested in talking to me. The other thing too about my friends girlfriend is that she doesn't have a job herself and she also dress like a slut and I know that me and my friend don't like it but she doesn't give a shit. But anyway it's just not fair that I struggle a lot, only thing I'm good at is video games but I'm not pro. My friends are also telling me to drive, because my friend drives me around. I got my p's licence back in February after nearly being on my learners licence for 2 years but the second time I had driving by myself on p's where learners you need a adult to be with you in the front seat of the car and p's you don't anyway I had a really bad accident that day, I walked away unhurt but I smashed up my dads car really bad it had to get written off. He's got a new car now but he won't let me drive it unless I can prove it to him but he never has the time to take me driving like I'm a learner again, I did the other day and I was going good but I forgot how to do some things so there for I don't really want to drive because I'm worried I'm going to have another accident or I will nearly get in one. So I'm sitting on my p's licence not even driving and everyone else that would be on their p's would be driving. My friend thinks I can drive too and leave that accident behind which I do but once again I think I can't drive and I just see an accident happening again. So I always also use public transport to take me to where I want to go. It seems like everyone needs to think you need to be perfect at everything to make it. I just don't understand how people get high class jobs and then they get married and have nice cars and houses. I don't know how I can do it I wish I could go live in a fantasy world and be a billionaire. I don't want to sound like a lazy person, I just struggle and its really unfair.

Re: 20 years old and struggling in life

welcome @Oasis1995 and thanks for sharing. 

 

It seems you are in need of self reassurance. Maybe try to talk to your dad about this? Get some advice from someone who is in the work force? 

 

We all mistakes at work, maybe you are just lacking the focus or gets too self doubting or nervous to remember the process. Perhaps get somet tips from professional source or online on concentrating? i think you are worrying a lot of stuff and putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Right now, your job seems to be the most important thing for you to secure. Things like girls, wife etc can wait. You are 20. We are young haha

 

As for driving, concentrating, until you feel like you have mastered it, do not listen to music, nor look at your phone, focus on whats ahead. Take your dad for a drive sometimes and get him to trust you more on driving. I drove my dad to work for 2 years until he even let me take the P test -_- but now I can drive independently and he worries less. 

 

As for your friend, I htink this is the appropriate situation to say : listen to your self. Things like common sense are not generic. It just requires you to calm down, think about it, and pick the most rational decision you can make, that's common sense. And on that matter, something that seems easier for one person could be a bit more challenging for another. 

 

The main thing is, confidence comes from experience, and I assume you havent started work long, and after a while things will come natural to you. The hard part it's mostly the beginning. I have 7 years of work force experience, and my first two years were the worst times of my life. The mistakes I made were hilariously lack common sense. But now knowing that I can do the job just as good as the next person or even better, gave me enough confidence to tackle what's ahead. 

 

My personal advice for doing a job is : think not twice, but three times, and check just as often to prevent silly mistakes, after a while it will become natural things to do, just like looking left and right before crossing the road. 

Re: 20 years old and struggling in life

Hi @Oasis1995, welcome to Reach Out!

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, I know how hard it can be to openly talk about things that are troubling ourselves.

 

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time at the moment. I remember struggling with the transition from highschool to adult life. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do for work and it took me a while to get motivated to do something about it.

 

What I found really helped me is setting myself small goals. Once I'd reach one, I'd feel a sense of accomplishment which gave me more confidnece to accomplish other things too. Learning what your strengths are can also be great for building confidence there's some really good info about this on Reach Out here: http://au.reachout.com/working-out-your-strengths and some helpful apps here: http://au.reachout.com/apps-and-tools/problem-solving-apps-and-tools

 

You mentioned you feel like you're sleeping in too much, so it might be worth setting yourself the goal of being up and out of bed at 7am each morning, for the rest of this month. Getting up earlier might give you extra motivation to look at other jobs you might be interested in. This page has some really helpful tips for people looking for work: http://au.reachout.com/looking-for-work

 

You also mentioned that you've spending your money on things you don't need. Have you thought about speaking to your dad or someone else close to you about coming up with a budget? That way you can put some money away as savings instead of spending it on things you might not need.

 

If you don't think you're ready to start working in security yet, you might find that doing another course will give you more confidence and help fill in the gaps you need. It's great that your friend is helping and believes you're making progress, but there's nothing wrong with going and learning more from another course.

 

It really sucks when you don't get along with a friend's girlfriend. Have you had a chance to speak with her and your friend about why there's some tension? It might be something the 3 of you can sort out after a sit down talk.

 

Try not to get too disheartened about not having a girlfriend, sometimes it takes a while to meet the right person. And there's also nothing wrong with being single. It's great to hear that girls say you're a nice guy! I know some girls seem to go for idiots, but there are a lot that would rather a nice guy who they can also become close friends with.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about that horrible car accident you had. A friend of mine was in a real bad one a few years ago, and she found it hard to get behind the wheel for quite a while. Some people suffer from Post Traumatic Stress after bad car accidents. 

 

Have you spoken to eheadspace or Kids Helpline about the problems you're having? They're great places to contact when you're struggling.

Re: 20 years old and struggling in life

Thankyou @lovin each day and @moonwalk

 

I can try talking to my dad about, since my mum won't even help me she thinks i won't even get a job it makes me sad but i don't listen to her, but yeah i can talk to my dad about it since he's been working a long time.

 

I forgot to mention i do take medication to help improve my concentration and stuff but i still have a hard time even taking it and i know medication isn't always the answer. I think i've tried to look at sources on that but i'll look again.

 

That's very true. I found that music does help me but it has to be something i like. The very first day i told my friend i got my p's and he said for me to drive to his house and i tried to tell him something like no, i may have gotten my p's licence but i need to get used to driving short distances myself and i don't wanna drive to your place because its a fair distance and he then went on about that i now have my p's i should really be driving because i'm not a learner anymore and your hand doesn't need to be held anymore or something i can't remember what else he told me but he went on about it just because the day after he got his p's he had to drive to work himself and i just told him well maybe your just better at it then me. I didn't drive to his house that day i think he was annoyed that i didn't but whatever. I hate how he goes on how that i need to drive, he's getting sick of driving me around and his girlfriend but i think we tell him he doesn't have to drive us around all the time but he still does and he goes on how that i need to drive if i get a job and i just tell him well not everybody can have access to a car and there is public transport  and he goes on saying if you work in a security you'll need a car as public transport isn't reliable. I know he's saying i need to drive but i'm doing whatever i want to do.

 

Most of the time i don't sleep in, i've been waking up at 8:30 most of the time, some days i just lay in bed till late, some days i will get up at 8:30, some days i will wake up late. 

 

I could do that, maybe thats a good idea. About doing another course, i could do a hospitality course but i don't know when i'll want to do it. I just wish security courses weren't one week, i don't know how you could possibly know most about it in one week because it was mostly don't blink or you'll miss it course but i do remember some things.

 

I haven't worked at all the most work i ever did was year 10 work experience at harvey norman then actually working there a few times later that year and also doing work experience at a resturant as part of hospitality. I was thinking of being a chef but it seems really stressful but i still want to do something in the hospitality industry possibly. 

 

I can try talking to her but i think she'll lie about things and that's something about her she lies about things too and quite a lot, i feel dumb because i don't see it alot while her boyfriend sees it alot. But we could have a talk but i don't know how that will go.

 

I don't really ever think about the accident, i'm just nervous about driving by myself and i just know one second i'm going to loose concentration or not look around properly and bam an accident happens. 

I can have a talk to one of those but i'm thinking of seeing a psychologist again. I see a psychiatrist on a monthly basis but i don't think he really helps me and i skipped an appointment the other day mostly because my friend made me get out it of it because he thinks only crazy people see them and they use you for money, which i think is kinda true but they don't always see crazy people, i'm still going to need to see the psychiatrist  for my medications. 

 

It's good my friend is helping me out and i am happy he is but i don't like some of the things he would say to me sometimes. 

Re: 20 years old and struggling in life

@Oasis1995 I wouldnt recommend medication since there are always side effects and the stress it puts on your brain is not something I find comforting. The only thing i rely is energy drinks and that's only during exam period when I absolutely need to stay awake. 

 

I think it would be beneficial if you focus on one career and stick to it until you can clearly see that you either need to change to stick to it as a living. Especially if you do not have a lot of resources to spend. Maybe it would be a good question to ask your psychologist, maybe he can give you a general direction to aim for. But the end decision is up to you. 

 

As for driving, most of us starts off from driving from small distances like to the local mall, to cross city. It definiely takes time. As for your parents, I am sure if you can show a resolve, they will most likely help you. 

 

Keep on fighting mate!

Re: 20 years old and struggling in life

Hey,

There seems to be a lot of things in your life causing you stress and uncertainty. I think it really would be great if you could see a psychologist again.
Psychiatrists have the important function of being able to provide medication, but the rest of their counselling may not be working for you, or even the infrequency of it. It is absolutely not just 'crazy' people who get professional help and also not just those with the worst cases who need help. There's nothing wrong with you for needing, or wanting, to see someone.
Medication is completely fine to take, but it's important that if you are taking it that you take it properly. This means daily if you need to take it daily. Otherwise you really won't be getting the benefits properly. If you have any concerns about your medication or your ability to take it as you're meant to it's best to have a chat to your psychiatrist about it.

Would you be able to speak to your friend about how the stuff he says makes you feel? Your friends shouldn't make you feel bad or belittle you. They may want to push you, but if the way they're trying to do that isn't helpful it's not good for you to continue to let them do that.

Re: 20 years old and struggling in life

Hey @Oasis1995 I get the feeling reading through your posts that you could use a little help with your self confidence - would that be accurate? You are definitely capable of getting a job, learning to drive and whatever else you want to achieve in the immediate future. It's great that your friend is helping you, but he is completely wrong about professional support only being for crazy people. People that have never experienced mental illness often don't "get it" and sometimes the things they say reflect that. Seeing a psychologist can help your learn to organise your thoughts and sort out which ones are helpful and which ones need to be managed.

 

Just as some practical advice with the job hunt - have you ever thought about volunteering? It's a great way to gain some experience and build up your confidence with thinking on your feet.