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A little advice please?

At this point, I can't stand being around my mother. 


A little backstory: My relationship with my parents has always been... interesting. A few years ago, they split up. After they separated, I thought I could manage living in two places, but I didn't realise how hard everything would get. For the next two years, I went through a lot of mental hurdles and about a year ago, I stopped talking to and spending time with my father because of a  buildup of tension which led to a traumatic incident (caused by my dad). Since then, I have lived with my mother permanently.


At first, it was amazing because I didn't have to put up with the emotional mistreatment that my father used to deal out. However, because I am more like my father (and I hate that so much because I don't want to be anything like him), my mother and I began to argue a lot. It hasn't really been the best, and at the end of every argument, I'm always the one to blame (whether it's because I'm sensitive, out of line, the reasons go on).


Last night we were talking on the way home and she cut me off and I got annoyed (as usual, cos we always interrupt each other). We sat in silence for a bit, and just before we got home, my mother made an attempt to continue the conversation and I gave her a short reply (which in hindsight, I recognise that it wasn't the right decision). She then tells me not to talk to her for the rest of the weekend because she can't deal with me, among other things. She hasn't spoken a word to me since then. 


This also isn't the first time this has happened.


I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with sometimes, especially after everything I've dealt with, but I just feel like ignoring me and shutting me out isn't the best way to go about things. It hurts because I feel like I have no parents. My dad is an awful person, and when my mother gets in a mood like this, she acts in a similar way to him.


I feel like I need to get away, and I wanna do what’s right for me, but if I do that and come back, the ramifications and repercussions are gonna be huge and I'm gonna be blamed for a lot. I also get made to feel bad all the time because of what I feel like I need to do for myself and my mental health as I am constantly told that I "am too sensitive about everything".


My friends have also offered for me to come and stay with them for a bit, and I really want to take those offers and get away, but I have been told not to because this isn't their problem to deal with, and personally, I feel like a burden.


I don't know what to do... I'm scared of making things worse but I can't keep dealing with this over and over again.


Re: A little advice please?

Hi @tabbycat1112, welcome to the forums!


You and your mum have both been through so much...


Firstly, it's okay to be sensitive. Yes, it has downsides, but upsides as well.

The empathy you've shown towards your mother in just one post, even though the two of you haven't been getting on, probably wouldn't be possible without that sensitivity.


If you think it would help, and is honest, you could tell your mum that you love her, and really value your relationship with her. That you'd like to work with her to repair it, then explain to her how you think that could happen, or some sort of plan.


Maybe you could live with a friend for a while, to give each other some time and space to sort things out.

Maybe you could see a professional who could help you as both a family and individuals.

Maybe you could agree on a time out system, so that when a conversation starts to escalate you stop the conversation, give each other some time to calm down, and come back to a different conversation later. 

But your mum's more likely to be receptive if you give her an idea of what you want to do.


Anyway, hopefully some of this helps. 

From your username I'm guessing you like cats, so if you get nothing else from this, I hope the kitty makes you smile:

Image result for cute cat gif


Re: A little advice please?

Hey @tabbycat1112


I am sorry to hear about your fight with your mum. It sounds like a difficult and challenging situation. 

Do you remember I am sure that your mum and dad love you very much. It sounds like they both have a lot of things they are trying to work out themselves. 


Could you go and stay with a friend for a night or two. This might give you and your mum some space to decompress and recharge your batteries. You then could try and sit down and have a chat to her about what happened the other night? 


I hope you are feeling a bit better today. 

Looking forward to hearing from you soon. 


Smiley Happy 


Re: A little advice please?

Hey @tabbycat1112 and welcome to the forums! Smiley Happy


Sounds like you're in a really tough situation and you've been through a great deal. Like @Tiny_leaf, I want to emphasise that it is okay to be sensitive, and feeling upset about things doesn't make you 'too sensitive' - it makes you human, even though that can be hard to remember when there are people telling us otherwise.


I just wanted to check in - how have you been over the past few days?

Looking forward to hearing from you! Smiley Happy   

// Spiral outward, keep going. //