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A little lost

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. We live together and I am pregnant with our first child, a baby boy. It wasn't planned but other than the initial shock and lasting "first parent jitters" I have been so happy and I can't wait to meet our son. I thought the two of us were on the same page. Ever since we found out that we were expecting my boyfriend has become more distant. He doesn't do well with stress and I guess the reality of raising a child is hitting him pretty hard. Over the months he steadily has been out with friend more and home with me less. Our sex life is non-existent, which has never been the case before. Then I started noticing the behavior changes; coming home obviously inebriated, falling asleep while standing up, decreases in appetite and weight loss, pin point pupils... Then I found evidence that he had been smoking pills. I'm not stranger to drug use. I used to experiment as a teenager and now, I am a nurse and deal with drug abusers on a daily basis. I know he isn't an addict at this point but I do think his recreational use is getting out of hand. He takes money from me and he got a job over the summer to "save for the baby" but I haven't seen more than a couple hundred dollars, all of which he ended up taking back. It is to the point where I have expressed my concern to his mother, not revealing every detail, and he blew up on both of us. I guess I am just at a loss as to what exactly I do at this point. He denies up and down that the drug use is a consistent problem and reassures me by saying, "when the baby comes things will be different", which in my opinion only a fool would believe. The baby shower is in less than two weeks and our child is coming a few weeks after that, ready or not. I just don't know what the right thing to do is... Do I kick him out and make him get his shit together? Do I fully involve his family? Do I let things slide and continue to do my best to police his behavior and see if his word is true? S.O.S.

Re: A little lost

Hi there @TornIn2 sorry you are having such a tough time right now - it sounds like a really difficult situation on top of all the anticipation about becoming a parent. It's great that you are reaching out for support as it's something you need and deserve.


You have accidentally ended up at the Australian so all the drug and alcohol support group information I have wouldn't be much help for you. Could I encourage you to re-post what you have written here on the US site? Here's the link:

I wish you the best of luck and hope you continue reaching out for support on the US site.

Re: A little lost

Im not able to give you any advice but I just want to wish you and your family the best.

Re: A little lost

hey @TornIn2

I just wanted to say good on you for looking out for yourself and your family even if it might be a really hard thing to do right now

You should be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and your baby and also trying to seek help for your boyfriend


Maybe if you could talk to him and explain that you just want to help him (and in turn you guys as a family) ? You could always be honest and explain the options that you have thought about - it might be harsh but it also might help him see the reality of this and how much it means to you?