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Alone...I feel so alone.

I'm kinda new here...bear with me.

I...For the past couple of years, I've been feeling so...bad. Alone. Depressed. Sad. Angry. It's only since I started university 6 months ago, that the feelig intensified. Even though I did well in my first semester, I just want to drop out. I feel myself not caring, and feeling like no one would care if I did. This guy at uni has been helping me out heaps. Like, he met up with me neary everyday for two weeks to help me with an assignment, and we've hung out heaps and he's become a good friend. We haven't talked much in the past two weeks cos we've both been busy with university/work. Someone said to me today that he was only using me to get in good with our lecturers and had no interest in being my friend. It stung, and now all i want to do is run away and hide. I want to drop out of uni even more now and . . . I've done nothing but cry all afternoon. My moods have been switching and all over the place lately. I get so frustrated with people because I'm always 10 miles ahead and working on 10 projects at once. The next week, I'll be. . .  so sad.

I...I know there's something wrong with me, but...I can't find it in me to seek help in person. I .. really can't, cos the truth hurts.

Re: Alone...I feel so alone.

Hi Tree, welcome to Reach Out.


I know how you feel about Uni making everything feel intense. It's like for the first time you're responsible for your own education and if you miss lectures or get crappy grades, nobody is really going to search you out and encourage you to try harder.
It's a bit trickier to make friends too when you don't see them except for in class once or twice a week. Telling you that your new friend was just using you is a real butthole move. Do you have any reason to believe your connection was anything less than genuine?


If you're not keen on the idea of seeing a counsellor face to face, give Kid's Helpline a try (1800 55 1800). They have counsellors available 24/7 and you can remain anonymous. It can really help to just get stuff out of your head and talk to someone.


Also, if you're still online we have a great live discussion over on the Getting Real Sessions board about dealing with stress, especially school stress. I hope you can join us!

Re: Alone...I feel so alone.

Hey Tree,


I just wanted to chime in and say that I think that loneliness that comes with starting uni is WAY more common than you think! After being in school for so long where we have the same group of people across classes, facing a few hundred in each lecture at uni and trying to make friends that we only get to see once a week or so can feel really difficult. I know during my undergrad degree I found it really hard to connect with people when our contact was so infrequent, and I've heard the same from friends and loads of people on the forums here. You're definitely not alone!


That uncertainty about what to do about uni isn't uncommon either. Did you enjoy your units in first semester? I know you said you're hesitant to see someone face to face to get help, but what about seeing someone to talk about uni, your course, and how you're feeling about wanting to drop out? Most unis have career counselling services or course advisors who can be really helpful to talk to - they can help you work out a study plan that feels more manageable and perhaps more interesting or inspiring for you, rather than boring and dull. If you're not up for seeing someone to talk about that, there's always Kids Helpline like ElleBelle mentioned, who are great to talk about with whatever you're going through.


That sucks that someone said that about your friend! Unless you have any reason to suspect that he was helping you out for any reason other than caring about you, I'd try to let it slide. Sometimes people say stupid things without really thinking about them. I guess the only person who can clear it up for you is your friend - so if you're concerned about it, he's the one to talk to. 


The truth can hurt, but sometimes knowing it puts you in a better position to make change. It's hard to sort things out when we can't acknowledge that there's something that needs sorting. I hope you feel more able to talk to someone soon - it can make such a positive difference. You don't have to be alone in this.


Take care Smiley Happy


Re: Alone...I feel so alone.

Hi tree (what a beautiful username),


I really just wanted to back up what Gail has just said. University is certainly not the only path to get to a career in life. But I really encourage you not to make a rash decision, instead think it out and talk to some of the staff at your university. Most universities offer course intermissions or deferrals where you can take some time off, without dropping your course, and come back in six months to a years time. I'm currently taking a semester break to look after my mental wellbeing. 


But taking time off isn't the only option, you can reduce your course load, look at going part-time, look at options to study off-campus any lots more. But you've got to initiate a conversation with your faculty course advisors to find out what the options are. You don't even need to give them too much detail about the why, just about what you want to do.


The first year of university can be the hardest, you're trying to get used to a new system of independent learning, trying to make new friends, trying to complete a lot of assignments and it can get a lot of people down. In first year it's common for people to fail units or to drop out. I felt exactly the same in my first year of university. I hated some of my subjects and thought it was stupid. But I decided to stick with it for another year and it wasn't until that second year that I started fitting in, making friends and doing well in my subjects.


Most universities also have free counselling services who are great at talking you through study options and giving supporting documentation for things like extensions etc. They might be a great resource to tap into just to find out some of that info.