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Am I Alone?

My life is spiralling out of control, I have been diagnosed with sever depression and anxiety disorder. I have tried so very hard to not let the negatives get me down but lately I have been going thru some struggles and I feel like I'm trapped with no way out. My mum has been my best friend all my life we have always been super close as my dad bailed when i was a teenager, mum was diagnosed with server anxiety and depression to which for the last 5 years I have been her primary carer and helped out the best I could get our family thru the tough times, but then I developed a relationship with a guy, a guy that my mum hates and makes no excuses for being "Honest" and voicing her constant dislike for him and our Relationship. She sees that when ever he does something in her eyes that its Wrong (seems to be everything) she says I am blinded by love and can't see the bad he's doing and that he is and never will be the right guy for me. Because of this we fight now ALOT and she is often saying I am constantly defending him. Yes Fair point I do sometimes because I care. I do the same for her when he gets upset with her and fights with me. I feel all I am constantly doing is being stuck in the middle of this, i am tired of all the fighting. i feel like i have to make this choice of stay with this guy i love and loose my mum or leave the guy i love and hope that she doesn't do the same with any future guy. how is it my fault?? I love them both but they don't like each other. I just want some peace and for people i care about to get along, does anyone care what I want for a change??I am always thinking about them but is that so wrong to hope or want the people you love most to get along??

Re: Am I Alone?

Hi Wingsofreedom, welcome to the Reach Out forums.

 

I'm sorry to hear about the conflict between you and your mum. It's so tough when your parents don't approve of your partner and focus on the negative, rather than all the postive things you see. Although you can't make two people like each other, they can at least try to get along for the sake of your happiness. Have you sat down with your mum and explained to her how much it upsets you when she complains about your boyfriend? Check out some of these tips on how to resolve family conflict and have difficult conversations. It really helps if you plan what you want to say and choose a time when you are both calm and relaxed.

 

Can I ask how you and your mum are dealing with your depression and anxiety?  It's so awesome that you have helped your mum even though you're dealing with your own mental health struggles. Perhaps you could learn a relaxation technique like meditation together with your mum. It would give you both a chance to bond and do something as a team, plus it can be really helpful for anxiety. The Smiling Mind app is good for beginners, or you can look into classes - some Yoga centres offer them.

 

In the meantime, why not check out some of our threads about positivity - like turning negatives into positives!

 

Re: Am I Alone?

Hi ElleBelle,
I am very great full for your reply and your extremely helpful advice, I have on Numerous occasions tried to sit down and talk to my mum about how she talks about my partner but every time we do we just end up shouting and fighting, and it gets us nowhere. Even when i do the best to be mature and listen to her she doesnt do the same. i feel that I am withdrawing from talking to her even about the most basic of things because I feel all she does is criticise my choices and my actions and I don't need that. I am trying so hard to stay positive and focused so that I can function. I will admit I do have a low self esteem and I judge myself harshly but I don't need others doing it too. My mum has been having sessions with Psychologists and Psychiatrists for the last 5 years she also takes medication to cope with her depression and I too see a different Psychologist and am proscribed medications to help me deal with things. And I was working on things until all this kicked off. She states to me that and directly to my partner that she doesn't like him and never has. He has said to me he is extremely hurt and doesn't know what he has ever done to deserve that and I see the pain in his eyes and feel that pain is my fault. I feel extremely trapped and often don't feel or see a solution to this that works for every one. I don't want to hurt anyone ever. But this is hurting me, more then anyone fully knows or would fully care. My partner has tried very hard to try and work things out with my mum but she just doesnt care or want to be anywhere near him. As I said before I love both of these people a great deal. But this situation is tearing me apart and wanting me to move as far away from both of them/ it as I can. But I know that's not really an option. I just want to focus on myself.

Re: Am I Alone?

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through, but I was really struck by what you said about your mum being your best friend. I think that is something incredibly powerful and rare which you should really treasure, but I know that probably makes it all the more difficult for the conflict you're facing. Although, it sounds to me like your mum really and genuinely just about you, and I think that in time, if you can show her that you are truly happy with this guy, she'll see that and accept that. I know that's probably not what you want to hear right now, because everybody wants the instant fix, but I think it sounds like you all just need some time. There's a difference between your mum not liking him for a legit reason (ie. because of something he's done or the way he's behaved) or just because she's decided to not like him, so I think it's important that you try and find out what the reason behind all this is. It could also be that her depression is coming into play, in which case it's something she'll probably have to figure out with her psychologist. In the meantime, maybe it would help things to settle if him and your mum had a little less contact. In the end, if this guy truly makes you happy, I don't believe your mum will remain blind to that.

Hope that helps. And remember, you are never, ever alone.

Re: Am I Alone?

Hi Graphiqual, First of all I was extremely touched by the last line in your message. It makes huge difference just having someone there to listen and to reassure you your not alone it means a lot. I also thank you for being so open and helping me to look at it from a different angle. My mum has always been THE person in my life the person to pick me up when I'm down to offer advice and make everything seems so much better. But now this is not the case. It seems that things just keep getting foggier and foggier. To the point that i can't see infront me and I am loosing my way. I know deep down my mum cares but it seems at the moment she is just being so cold to me and everything I care about. Yes ok fair enough my partner isn't perfect no body is we are human. But he loves me would do anything for me and just wants me to be happy, but my mum doesn't see that and just flat out refuses to give it a chance. I have been keeping the space between the both of them. But I won't lie there are moment and events that I just wish I could share and enjoy with both of them. All I have ever wanted is for the people I care about the most to get along. I know or have very low expectations that at this stage things are going to resolve. I don't want to loose my partner but I am not sure how much of this situation he can take. I can see it impacts him because he sees that I'm hurting and he always hates it when someone upsets me. I am just so confused and I feel stuck. It's like being ripped in two. i am having a wide range of emotions for sadness, anger, frustration, hopelessness and overwhelmed. Again thank you for your advice and kind words.