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Am I even human?

Hi, my name is Mark, am a 19 year old male, living with sever depression and social anxiety.

This my first time posting on any forum of this nature, so yea...

 

I feel like I'm an alien on this planet, unable to communicate or interact with the people of this world.

I have no friends and there isn't anyone who understands me. I feel like I'm all alone, and that no one cares about me..

 

When ever I'm out of the house and I have to communicate or interact with people, such as going to the shop or talking to people at school, I always fail. I don't know how I fail, but I just do. I don't know how the whole friendship between people and how relationships actually work. I have such trouble talking to people, I just have no idea what to say, or the right way to act. I must be really stupid or something if I still haven't learned how to talk to people after the 19 years my crappy life.

 

Whenever I interact with people, I alway feel like everyone hates me, people think I'm weird or I'm a loser. I feel like I get pushed around often and am taken advantage often. I blame it on me being uncool, not interesting, looking weak and just being plain awkward and stupid.

 

Because of my incapability to talk to anyone and make any friends, I'm always depressed, and have had depression ever since I was 13, when I realised being on my own all the time was a bad thing. I'm always sad or angry (mostly sad), I don't find anything fun or joyful in this life, I can never think straight, I feel like I'm a loser and have no future, I can't make goal and I don't even have a dream. I can't do anything, I can't do my school work, I can't get a job, I can't make goals, I can't accomplish anything. I just can't do anything. I feel like all I do is waste my time and resources. I feel like I'm worthless.

 

I don't know what to do, I really don't. All I want is to be able to communicate and interact with people so I can atleast get a job and make atleast one friend...

Re: Am I even human?

Hey Lazysong

 

Can I just say, thanks for coming to ReachOut forums and seeking help. That is a really brave thing you did!

 

It is hard to live with the blues and having to interact with other people like nothing is wrong. But it didn't stop you trying and that is good thing!

Do you see a psychologist/ psychiatrist? If not, pop into your GP for a chat, s/he can help you get a referral Smiley Happy Some psycho-therapy like CBT could really help with the negative self-talk. Check this fact sheet out for more info on treatment options.

 

The thing with depression is, it leads you to see the world in a biased way. It is important to stop and think 'Is that thought realistic? Do I have proof that person really thinks I am uncool?' Tracking your thoughts could help you assess how true each negative statement is.

 

In the meantime, have a look at some coping strategies. I recommend the 'Learn to forgive yourself'

I think you are strong to speak out and you are definitely not stupid because you could identify something isn't right at the moment.

 

Please give the strategies above a try and check back with us on your progress Smiley Happy

 

Doris

Re: Am I even human?


Hi Mark!

First things first, while obviously I can't see you and confirm that you haven't got three tales or anything, from the sounds of it you are certainly human. I think you might be surprised how relatable I your story would be to a lot of people. As an example, when I interacted with people, or when I was just around people, I felt the same way as you do and thought the same type of things. I was absolutely sure that they were judging me harshly.

What do you mean by fail when you try to communicate/interact with people? Do you mean you don't end up saying/doing anything, they're not receptive, you feel uncomfortable or something else?

You're not worthless! You may not be able to identify them now, but you can do things and you are capable of doing things. I think you've written your post really well. It seems to me that you're a capable writer.
You've posted here, so you're able to take this step, you can post on here and you can communicate through writing. Even if you don't do it much yet, you are able to do it.
You're able to identify how you're feeling and able to identify other things about yourself such as what you think other people are thinking when talking to people.
You've also identified three goals in your last sentence - to be able to communicate/interact with people, get a job and make a friend. You may not currently know how to achieve those goals but you can certainly make goals.

Some really good news is that you've already taken a step to achieving those goals by just posting here! Which you should be really proud of.

Have you seen anyone about your anxiety and depression? I can understand that they may be a really hard thing for you to do if you're not already, but I think that would be really good for you.
Alternatively there are places like eheadspace and kidshelpline, who could be really helpful to talk through your problems with. If you're not up for talking on the phone yet, you can web chat with them. You can copy and paste what you've posted here in an email to them as well.

You're more than welcome to interact with us here and build up some confidence to interact elsewhere also.

Re: Am I even human?

hey there lazy song, (like the name btw)

 

im 15 going on 16 this year and i know how you're feeling, and you are very brave coming here, i know just how hard it is to come to the internet where there are so many people to deal with at once, but trust me, ive been lurking around this website for a while and i can tell you that you are not alone here and no one will think negatively of you, this is a friendly space that u can relax and unload. and the best thing about this place is that people do care about us here, we all do. we more than anyone else understand you and how you feel. and we can help you overcome these feelings of anxiety and depression.

 

And as far as friends go, ive never been any good at that either, but if you like, id like to be your friend. i know it seems a bit weird but my first friends were from the internet too, ive still never seen them in person but they're people i trust with anything and the internet is a great place to do this because there are so many types of people so you can find who you feel comfortable with. its a great place to start and there are so many options of where to start. and you shouldnt go saying you dont know how to talk to people. that message was a great example of how/what to say, it was greatly worded and got your message across really well

 

and as far as your goals go, we can help you and you've already started to help yourself