It is for sure a vicious circle @lokifish @Bee. Thank you both for empathising In answer to your question lokifish I have over a year of the program left It's very long and intensive. I have sessions once or twice every week.
I'm really struggling tonight. I just want to stop trying to keep going. Everybody in my family is sick in some way or another and my parents aren't handing my siblings mental health needs at all and I'm so frightened and exhausted. I want to disappear - I want to escape. I can't do this anymore. I can't help anybody anymore. I can't be here anymore but there's nowhere else to fucking go.
I'm just. I'm so tired of crying. I'm so tired of shaking. I'm so tired of feeling sick. I'm so tired of insomnia. I'm so tired of being afraid. I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so tired of the memories. I'm so tired of the pain. And now there's all this family stuff on top of what was already a tough day because my (old) therapist cancelled an appt for the third time AND I was dumb enough to look at the fb page of someone who doesn't speak to me anymore.
I'm just watching funny YouTube videos to try and idk ignore everything except Eliza Taylor. I feel like such a terrible person for avoiding all my family's problems though; I'll have to confront them at some point and do something about it all since nobody else will.
I appreciate the suggestion but helplines often make things worse for me. I will probably get through it safely though. I usually do.
I think it's great that you've decided to watch YouTube videos as a means of distraction. I also do that sometimes when I feel overwhelmed. How is watching YouTube videos making you feel now?
I'm just tired @Esperanza67. Sometimes the pain gets so much that it goes away. And all you want to do is run and run until you're somewhere where nobody knows who you are.
I had to stop the distraction and do my DBT homework and now I can't stop crying.
That is a long program! I wish you the very best going through it
I think it is reasonable for wanting to ignore family problems with everything going on. Hopefully having a chat with them helps x
Crying is okay. Crying can be theraputic.
Did you want to talk about why you're crying? Is it because of the DBT homework?
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@litgym @Bee thanks for checking in I’m a bit wrecked tbh, I’m so exhausted from the constant anxiety and guilt. I wish I could leave for a while. I’ve been trying to distract myself all afternoon/evening but it’s hard because I feel like I don’t deserve to do anything enjoyable because I’m such a worthless daughter/sister.
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