Anxiety for no reason

[keezeik]

So For whatever reason this past month I have been anxiety-ridden, I am currently now speaking to my psychologist weekly about this. I think because I am currently in my graduate degree that has added stress onto my social anxiety. An example is that I was confining in someone who is demi. I consider myself to like the wine, not the label so to speak (reference here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5dIClRkmfc&ab_channel=CWSeed and meaning Red wine= guy White wine= women Rose= intersex A merlot that used to be a chardonnay=trans). And she was talking about how because she's demi it is reliant on that with who she's attracted to. And then I replied how I have always found attraction a weird thing too. Still, the thing is maybe I'm overthinking it, she could have found that offensive, because what if she thinks because I used 'too' that she thinks I think that she thinks her sexuality is weird when in actuality I am happy for her to be whatever. 

I also have made a new group of friends at uni. The thing is I asked on the group chat if people wanted to hang out, someone didn't reply right away, so I messaged them privately, so now I feel like they may think that I don't want to include the others... Am I over thinking this or is there something wrong?

[LeapofFaith]

Hey @keezeik 

Thank you so much for sharing. It is great that you can be open about this. It is important to remember the crazy year that we are in, in particular when thoughts begin to escalate. Like 2020 our emotions and thoughts can often feel out of control, when one thing happens in real life our brains can escalate our thoughts into overthinking and believing our emotions and thoughts that may not necessarily true. I can see it is difficult for you to feel comfortable within your friends. I wonder if you have 1 or 2 close friends that you could confide in about your anxious thoughts. From experience I find this helpful as many people seeing the situation from an external view do not understand it is spoken about. Is this something that is possible for you? I am so proud of you for speaking up, also know that there is an entire reach out forum that is here for you when another issue arises.

[TidalDecade]

Thank you for sharing! It's great you're already on top of this and seeking professional help. 

We're here for you and we support you endlessly. Being in graduate school is so impressive, must be really tough. You've got this.

Try to take on social situations and even general stresses with a different perspective - ask yourself "will this matter to me one month from today?" or any other timeline (week, year, etc.) 

[keezeik]

It's not so much trying to find resources, I want to know if this context of what I am saying is socially acceptable.

[Sophia-RO]

Ah, I understand @keezeik, that might be a bit of a tough thing to figure out though as contexts and things that are socially acceptable can vary according to who you are talking with and the topic of the conversation. Would you feel comfortable chatting with this person about certain topics to see what you would both feel comfortable talking about?

[keezeik]

Absolutely not, I wanted to know what other people on here though, as I am not sure if I did anything socially acceptable. Which is why I had written here...to give more context we have been chatting for a year, because of covid times we've only properly chatted thrice now of the whole year. I know her from school, but we've recently reconnected, we weren't close in school/ 

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @keezeik 

I think it makes sense to have sent a private message after sending a group one, I don't think you have done anything wrong, it can be annoying when things play on your mind though. I don't think anything socially unacceptable has happened, could you post again in the group chat saying the offer still stands?

(Also i really appreciate this clip from Schitts Creek ) 

[Bella2]

hey @keezeik totally normal to feel this way but don't put too much thought into it, the fact that you reached out privately means your a really caring person and is willing to go to that further step just for a friend. Furthermore for your other friend don't think too much into it they do bring it up just explain it to them the truth and it should be fine. 

[new1234567]

I would call it being considerate of others?? because you always think of how others are feeling . At any rate, it is okay to message your friends privately---a “follow-up message” after no response and I often do this with my friends as well, as they always take forever to respond to a group chat, which is really annoying !!! But actually, this is quite common, and I have learned that this can be explained by The Bystander Effect, which suggests that people may think that “I am sure that someone will reply to him/her” when receiving group messages… So, I guess as long as you are not texting your friends too much, it is perfectly fine to send them a private message after sending a group one and if you do worry that your friends will think that you do not want to include the others, you may consider updating the group what you have come up with so far after the one-on-one chats, showing that it is not about excluding anyone but trying to do things more efficiently.

[belski]

Hey @keezeik

Sorry to hear you have been anxiety ridden, that would be tough. I think messaging your friends privately is perfectly fine. I do it quite often! In a big group chat messages can get lost, unseen and forgotten. Sometimes people are even too shy to reply. What you did sounds like a good way to get plans rolling!