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Anxious Around Questions

I sometimes get this anxiety when my mum asks me questions. Particularly about big events. I prefer to take time to think about things, whereas she makes decisions a lot faster. She’s said things before like how she tries to compensate for my being “slow”, or that I’m being selfish but she tries to chalk that up to “being 16” which just feels condescending and makes me feel worse. Maybe I am being selfish but I can’t control the way this anxious feeling comes on. I kind of clam up and feel like I can’t think properly and don’t know what to say. She says she tries to just not ask me, but that doesn’t make things better because, as she’s mentioned, some decisions need to be made otherwise I’ll miss out on things.

Re: Anxious Around Questions

Hey @Clementine75 

Feeling anxious around questions and decisions is totally understandable, it sounds like you like to be quite considered in your responses and decision making, and the pressure to rush this is quite stressful, is that right?
I've definitely always felt anxiety around making decisions and not wanting to make the wrong one in case it upsets somebody, and it is bloody exhausting. I've tried to become more assertive over time which I think has helped, do you think assertiveness is a skill that could help you as well?

It really doesn't sound like you're being selfish at all, and it must feel so patronizing and annoying to have your age brought up in that way. I'm wondering if you wanted to chat to anyone else about this? Sometimes psychologists are able to chat about strategies for making decisions and reducing anxiety, would you be interested in this?

Re: Anxious Around Questions

Hi @Clementine75

Thank you for reaching out! Heart I completely understand feeling anxious and overwhelmed when it comes to making choices, especially when it feels like there is pressure to make a choice, like @Hannah-RO said it is so exhausting! I was wondering if you have been able to have an open conversation with your mum about how you're feeling at all? Maybe at a time when things are more relaxed? That being said that can be really hard if the other person isn't in a space to listen, I think what @Hannah-RO also said about potentially finding some support to build strategies could be a good idea? Heart

Re: Anxious Around Questions

Hey @Clementine75 

I understand where you are coming from, and it must be really hard to try and express your feelings with this.

It seems like it is difficult for you to not feel anxious with questions, and feel more pressure based on your age. You are young, but that doesn't mean your decisions are less valuable because of the time you take. 

Have you thought about making lists of things you think may be asked of you? Practicing responses may be helping in reducing anxiety around questions.

Re: Anxious Around Questions

Hi @Clementine75 I hope you're doing okay. I agree with what everyone else is saying, and as someone who also likes to think things through I relate to the idea of feeling anxious when I'm unprepared, especially when it turns into a confrontation when you don't know!

I see your mum has tried to compromise maybe about not asking? Is there a way you two could possibly work together to make a list early before events so that you have time to think about it and will have answers written down somewhere or planned ahead?

Re: Anxious Around Questions

@Clementine75 thanks for reaching out!❤️ 

you’re definitely not being selfish, I get anxious really easily too and it’s not your fault that you struggle with making decisions about events. Is your mum aware that you’re anxious about these events? Because she may think you’re being lazy or not bothering thinking about these events rather than being anxious about the decisions. Would talking to her about how you really feel help? 

 

take care Smiley Happy

Re: Anxious Around Questions

I can empathise with what your feeling, from what you have told us like so many have said it sounds like it may help to try to have an open conversation with your mum what your feeling. In addition to reaching out to someone like a psychologist or counsellor to build up some strategies to help you to make quicker decisions when needed. Also, know that your feelings are completely valid and it can help to find a safe place either physically or in your mind to make decisions and to retreat to when you feel overwhelmed or upset 

Re: Anxious Around Questions

Hey @Clementine75, I just want to say that that is not selfish at all, you are just struggling with making decisions. People are different in their ability and speed to process information, and some people are more likely to think more before making a decision. And have you notice any signals that make you are slow in making decisions? maybe fear of making a wrong decision or previous negative experience associated with decision making?

Re: Anxious Around Questions

Hi @Clementine75 

 

Just wanted to check in and see if you were doing better this new year. As some of the others have already said on their great feedback and comments, there is nothing wrong with wanting to take your time and sort things through your head especially on big plans. As a matter of fact, I think its better to take your time on big things, rather than rushing it and making an immediate decision.