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Anyone else doesn’t want responsibilities?

Hi reach out, apologies for a long post

 

I’m 20 and a 3rd year university student graduating after this semester and I’ve recently been just not wanting to involve myself in anything at all, especially what I’m studying. I entered this course because it was my passion for the whole 18 years of my life. I’m gay and I have a boyfriend but I’ve also began to lose feelings for him because he doesn’t understand how I feel and he’s not the type to ‘know what to say in the right situations’ so talking to him about this doesn’t make me feel better. 

 

I’ve been recently looking at my old photos from 1st year and compared it to now, it seemed as if I’ve gradually been getting sadder because of my situation of almost graduating but don’t really want to continue because I just don’t like what I am doing anymore. The people in my course are all discriminative and the only 3 friends I had has all changed degrees and campuses except for 1 so I only have one friend. It’s still fun when it’s just the two of us but it was SO fun when we were all together. 

And also a lot of my family around me has been kind of forcing responsibilities down my throat lately, as my dad abandoned my mum shortly after I entered uni, and since then apparently I am the ‘man of the house’ and I have to take care of Mum and the house. I didn’t care at first but now it hit me hard that I’ll be graduating and have to be an actual ‘adult’ soon, but I just don’t want any of those responsibilities of caring for mum and bills and my health (because metabolisms apparently start to slow down?). I’m starting to cry like I just hate that feeling of having to care about EVERY SINGLE THING, and I don’t even want to care about it, such as bills or find a work in a high paying job. 

I had a plan to just graduate and work at a clothing shop next year and my life would be way happier and easier but now I’m starting to think it won’t because my mum will be asking for me to chip in on rent. 

I’m not close to my mum as we can’t talk about our interests because we’re into very different things, I’m into makeup, fashion and celebrities but she’s into food. My dad explained that every thing she does is for me, like how she’s working really hard at a physically demanding job is only for me to “study without worries” and all, made her disconnected to the current society. My uncle always pressures me to mow the lawn in place of Mum because of her already demanding job but I absolutely HATE mowing and I never do it because of how much I hate it. But I feel guilty sometimes because I let her do it. But when I think of how hard mowing is I just don’t want to care about anything anymore. 

 

Right now I really want to just become a shut in and cut off the rest of my family for ever because they keep reminding me of all the responsibilities I have right now but I never do. I Been getting sick a lot this season and plus uni work is already enough to make my head explode but adding more to that I just feel like... what kind of life is this?

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Re: Anyone else doesn’t want responsibilities?

hey there @Fluffyfairy, it sounds like your life is very hectic at the moment - with you doing many, many things that you don't want to be doing. I'm wondering if you have thought about talking to any of the student counselling services where you are studying to talk through the pressure you seem to be under?

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Re: Anyone else doesn’t want responsibilities?

Sorry I forgot to mention my auntie is a certified counsellor, and she’s told me that I don’t have to worry about how my mum is working hard etc but I should start to take up more responsibilities around the house one by one slowly to ‘practice for the future’. But my uncle mentioned above (on my dads side) is not helping at all trying to force every responsibility possible on me 

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Re: Anyone else doesn’t want responsibilities?

Hi @Fluffyfairy thanks for reaching out to us, it sounds like you've got a lot on your mind. Life can definitely feel overwhelming at times on top of feeling pressured by other family members. It's great that you have support from your auntie. Her suggestion of taking up more responsibility around the house one by one to practice for the future sounds like a good plan. How are you feeling about her suggestion? Self-care is really important during this time, what are some ways you can look after yourself? We're here to listen and support you Heart

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Re: Anyone else doesn’t want responsibilities?

I feel like this. I’m on a train where it’s forcing to take me to the last stop but I actually already want to get off right now at the stop I’m at right now. Because with every stop there’s an increase of responsibility and I don’t want any of them. 

How do I get rid of these responsibilities? 

Thats how I feel, but I know the answer to that is probably “you can’t.” 

 

I think if if I didn’t have uni going on I probably will try, but I definitely will not mow as I hate it. If they force me it’s just saying I gotta get rid of my own views and opinions. Might as well build a robot to help you. Even if it’s just for my future I still hate doing all those stuff I don’t want to do or commit to. 

 

I really don’t know what kind of self care I can do at this point, I already do mindfulness meditation and skincare routine but just feels like it’s not enough. 

 

Thank you for supporting me when no one around me understands

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Re: Anyone else doesn’t want responsibilities?

Totally get that feeling @Fluffyfairy Your post reminded me of the John Mayer song Stop This Train. 

 

I think you're answering your own questions do to your in-depth authentic self Smiley Happy You kind of summed it all up when you said "If they force me it's just saying I gotta get rid of my own views and opinions." True. What is more important, your happiness or theirs?

 

How are you feeling about this now?

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Re: Anyone else doesn’t want responsibilities?

Happy labor day,

as always thank you to your team for replying

 

Just listened to it now, and it kind of relates, but I don't get the part where the dad says 'Turn sixty-eight, You'll renegotiate'

 

Honestly, as selfish as it sounds I think my happiness is more important. But it still feels selfish to only think of myself when my mum is working a physically demanding job and still has to do stuff at home.

 

I feel like I can deal with this for now, but if people wants to add more stuff to my stress I'm probably going to turn to being a shut in and not care about anyone else anymore.

 

So do you think for now, I should help mum a little bit, but choose what I can/want to do? What should I do if the relatives etc start bothering me again?