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BIgggg Mess Need help coping with this!

I dont know where to start. I am bisexual. I have been attracted to guys and girls since I was 12 years old. I am very passive and shy during my teenage years. I hid the fact from everyone and pursued girls. I thought it was abnormal for me to be attracted to guys, so i keep it to myself all these years I am 53 now.... I never had any guy friends over the years. I did get married divorced and remarried. I have been remarried for 6 years. I have been going to this mental health group since 2011. I made a guy friend there almost a year ago... I will call him D. .

It was great to have a guy friend, and to get out of the house and hangout with. I practically went over to his house everyday for many months he and his became pretty good friends until a old friend of his resurfaced. The old friend was a homosexual... HIm and D grew up on the same street according to D. WEll 3 was a crowd for me I backed off from D and he and his other friend started hanging around D more.

Our friendship started really struggled. I feel like I had lost him as a friend, and we had words and did not speak for 3 or 4 days. I broke the silence. I cried my eyes out for many days over the ending of this friendship. we have talked maybe a handful of times since then. On occasion He would tell me he thought I was hiding something....I never told him I was bisexual. until several days ago. I told him over the phone. we didn't talk for several days then he calls me up asking if I had feelings for him. I told him I was happy where I was at in my life for the most part that is true. BUt I think I like D a little more than I should...He told me he was happy where he is at. Everything is a mess. I love that guy. Im not in love with him but I miss spending time with him. A part of me wants to have a relationship with a guy and its not a sex thing, even though I feel like I could be more affectionate with a guy in my life that was more than just a friend. I dont know where my friendship stands iwth D. I stay at home most days occupied wth the computer.

Thanks for listening or reading this crap. maybe someone can shed some light on all this ctrazyness!! i am very emotional and crying alot

Re: BIgggg Mess Need help coping with this!

Hi @rtodd5011 and welcome to Reach Out. I get the sense you're feeling quite emotional at the moment and sometimes it can be hard to deal with different situations when we're feeling things so intensely. Is there anyone else in your life you could talk to about D or your feelings about him?

 

Also, just letting you know that Reach Out is tailored for use by young people aged 14-25, which means that a lot of our content probably won't be too relevant for you. However, you might find MensLine or the SANE forums helpful. You can access them here and here

 

Wishing you the best of luck!

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: BIgggg Mess Need help coping with this!

theres also Beyond Blue as well @rtodd5011 they accept all ages and have forums as well

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: BIgggg Mess Need help coping with this!

I think its awesome that you have written down your feelings, and that you have spoken to someone about it. It seems that you are seeking help and that is incredibly positive, but it is also understandably daunting and difficult. From a non-professional person, I would say that feelings like these are understandable, your friend might take a time to process the information they have been given, just like it took you time to tell him. Wanting relationships is normal, and being open and honest is more relieving than being stuck in a limbo of not knowing. Im impressed with you being able to write your feelings down like this. Keep doing it. I would recommend you talk to a professional psychologist about this, because they often have great strategies to channel your feelings and how to react to situations you are unfamiliar with. I know its helped me Smiley Happy