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Re: Back to School Anxiety

Hey @Blurryphaced , just checking in - sorry to hear that it's been a super stressful week. Did you get any of the rain over the weekend? 

 

It's great that you were able to make a time to chat with your counsellor, I think it's totally understandable that you're still feeling a bit off kilter, you've had to deal with so much stress and uncertainty, and sometimes I think it can all build up a bit- I actually sometimes find that I cope really well when things are really bad, but when things calm down a bit it's like all of that stress catches up with me. Does that make sense at all? 

 

Neuroscience is absolutely fascinating, it's such an exciting field of study - I loved my neuroscience subjects in my psych degree, I have a friend that went on to do honours and is now working towards a PhD in neuroscience in NZ. It's really mind blowing to me to see how far the field has come in the last decade Smiley Happy 

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Re: Back to School Anxiety

Its been a while @MB95 , but yes, I totally agree Smiley Happy it is SO fascinating ! I am in Year 11 btw, almost at the end 😂 I suppose I'm back here because recently I've been having a really hard time. I've been seeing my counselor for around 3 years now, and I think it's kind of gotten to the point where she doesn't think I should be seeing her anymore, that she's done all she can for me. To be honest I feel really hurt, she has helped me through so much and I feel like she's decided to just push me into the deep end because she's sick of waiting for me to do it myself. I feel so alone, and I have no one I can talk to about it because whenever I used to have a problem I would go to her.  

Re: Back to School Anxiety

Aww @Blurryphaced, this has REALLY hit home for me so I completely hear what you're saying and I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I have recently been struggling with the same sort of thoughts and feelings, although thankfully my psych thinks I'll be seeing her for a few years yet but the thought of her leaving me really hurts, scares and upsets me. She recently suggested I cut back on my sessions so I totally get it and I can't even imagine what 'the end' of the relationship would feel like, especially after 3 years. 

 

If you don't mind me asking, how regularly would you see her? Like weekly, fortnightly, monthly etc? 

 

It sounds to me as though you are a bit scared to stand alone? Like you're not entirely sure you're capable and are scared she isn't going to be there for you anymore? And it also sounds as though you may be a little attached and possibly used to relying on her alot more than you realised? Please don't take any of this the wrong way because I am the EXACT same and just want to let you know you are not alone and it is perfectly okay to be feeling hurt by this!! ❤

 

Like I said, I've been struggling alot with this at the moment (I have REALLY bad attachment issues) to the point where I'm not actually getting anywhere in therapy because I'm too busy being upset and scared about the day my psych and I go seperate ways which she has assured me won't be for a very long time yet. Funnily enough though we briefly touched on it earlier in the week so I want to try and share some of what she said to me in the hope it may help you too if that's okay? 

 

First off, I think it's really important for you to tell your counsellor how you're feeling. She may not even realise how much even the thought of it is impacting you - I know mine didn't. Sadly they don't read minds, I wish they could!! But if she knows how scared and upset you are then she will do her best to make the adjustment as smooth and easy as it possibly can be. It will still be tough because you've formed a special bond, but hopefully it will be less tough if that makes any sense? 

 

It's important you speak to her about what's scaring you too. Despite not being able to see her as much, is there something else that is worrying you? Maybe that you don't have the confidence you'll be able to cope without her? If so, then if she knows this it is something you'll be able to work on together until you do. 

 

I know my psychologist has made it very clear to me that she will always be there if things get too tough to handle again once we go our seperate ways. I may not be seeing her as regularly but if I need to see her, she will be there. I'm still having a hard time accepting this myself so understand if you can't, but I am sure your counsellor is the same and that she will always be there if things change. Maybe she just feels you are strong enough now to face things without her support? 

 

I'm not entirely sure, but I think the most important thing is to be completely honest with her about how you're feeling. I had my psych fooled into thinking I didn't need her anymore and that we could drop back from weekly sessions to fortnightly but it wasn't until we tried it that we both realised it wasn't a great idea just yet. We are getting there, but taking baby steps! So I honestly cannot reccommend honesty enough. If I hadn't told her how much I was struggling then I wouldn't be back seeing her weekly as I am now and I'd be silently struggling. Which I'm sure your counsellor does not want for you!! 

 

I feel like I've written all this in the most confusing way possible but just try and be honest with her and don't feel bad about being hurt by this because you've formed such a unique and special bond with her so of course it's going to hurt. Unfortunately it's just a bond that you can't really continue on through life and that SUCKS!!! It hurts. Like hell. So I really do hear what you're saying. 

 

I'm happy to try chat more about it if you need someone to listen and will try keep my responses alot shorter than this one 😂

 

Thinking of you. Just don't forget how strong you are in amongst this okay? Because you CAN do it ❤

 

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Re: Back to School Anxiety

Thank you for this @MB95 , right now those words are exactly what I need. 

 

You are right, I feel terrified at the idea that I am being pushed to be able to cope on my own now. Not only that but my counselor has helped me through some really, really hard things, and seeing her trying to push me away when she is so important to me is awful. I have been seeing her weekly in the past, and this year was going to go to fortnightly, but after our last session, I don't even know if that is possible. I feel like she's trying to hard to make me independent that she can't even hear me anymore. 

 

I can try to talk to her about it, but it is hard when I don't even know if she's understanding me at the moment. Plus, I am really bad at telling people that they mean something to me. 

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Re: Back to School Anxiety

I am hearing you @Blurryphaced ❤

 

It really is awful when they start to think we are strong enough to not rely on them as much, if at all. I mean, it's an amazing thing and shows how much progress we've made but realistically it sucks and it hurts when you have that special bond with them. I honestly don't really know what advice I can give you as I am personally struggling with this alot at the moment myself so don't want to make it harder for you but I really am here to listen, understand and talk it out as I can completely relate ❤

 

At the end of the day (as much as we might want too) we can't rely on them forever, nor can we keep them in our lives forever. It's cruel and it sucks but I think we just have to put our trust in them that they know what they're doing, and also put the trust in ourselves to know that we can do this alone too. You've allowed yourself to be vulnerable with her for 3 years so of course it's going to take time to even adjust to the idea, let alone it actually happening. So just be honest and don't be too hard on yourself. 

 

Believe it or not we also share another quality - not being able to tell people what they mean to us. I know how hard this topic might be to bring up to your counsellor so am just wondering how you might feel about writing it out and giving it to her? I'm suggesting this because someone on RO suggested it to me and honestly, it made everything so much easier! I feel like my psych has a much clearer understanding of me now and how vulnerable I am to being hurt and how serious my attachment can get. I had tried talking about it in the past with her but I felt like she didn't realise how much I actually struggle with it until I wrote it down for her to read. Especially if you are feeling like she isn't quite hearing you anymore than maybe writing it down might help? You could write some of what you've told me? 

 

I'm also going to tag a few people who have been a huge help for me recently in the hope they might have some better advice than what I have been able to give! @Alison5  @Janine-RO  @Jess-RO @Andrea-RO 

 

But hang in there! It will get easier eventually, you've just gotta make it through the adjustment period! And don't forget to be honest with her along the way. 

 

In the meantime, I'm here to listen ❤

 

P.S. do you have a close friend you might be able to start relying on a little more while you're trying to adjust? 

 

Also.. has your counsellor actually mentioned about ending sessions or is it moreso how you're feeling? I forgot to ask this!! 

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Re: Back to School Anxiety

Hi @Blurryphaced  👋

I was just thinking about you and wanted to check in and see how you're doing? 

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Re: Back to School Anxiety

Hi @MB95 

 

I'm surviving. My counselor somewhat suggested it. She told me she didn't know how to help me anymore and that she felt we were not really achieving anything by me coming to see her. I am meeting with her early next week, so I am just going to see how that rolls. School has got me stressed too though, especially Extension Maths, I feel like I'm finding it challenging, and am scared to ask for help since I'm known as the 'smart kid' of my class. 

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Re: Back to School Anxiety

Hey @Blurryphaced 

 

I can really understand how that might be hurtful to hear. Was she trying to say it in an empowering way (i.e., you've come so far after 3 years and I believe that you are strong enough to go on without me) or in a giving up sort of way (i.e., I've tried and cant help you so it might be better if you see another professional)? 

 

Also, have you been seeing her weekly for three years? 

 

Ethically, if a psychologist thinks you are no longer benefiting from the sessions, then it is advised that they suggest ending sessions. This is recommended so as to not exploit the client. I'm not sure if this is why she said it, but it might be possible, especially if she thinks you are doing well. So, it might just be that she thinks she's doing what is best for you. However, I do understand how it might be hurtful to hear that, and scary to think about.

 

If it makes you feel better, maybe it's a good idea to say to her "Yeah, I'll try no more sessions and see how I go, but if I feel like I need one, is it okay if I book in?" or " Even if you can't tell, I still do find these sessions really helpful and don't want to give them up completely. Would it be okay to drop down to monthly/fortnightly sessions and take it from there?"

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Re: Back to School Anxiety

Hey @Blurryphaced 👋

It's nice to hear from you! 😊

 

I'm sorry to hear school is stressing you out. It can be such an overwhealming time, espcially when we put so much pressure on ourselves to do so well. Which sounds like something you may do? I think it's important to recognise that if you need help then you are entitled to it just as much as anyone else!! And just because you're the smart one doesn't mean you need to know everything. I know from my own experience I often feel disappointed in myself if I need to reach out for help cause I'm used to doing well on my own.. wondering if you're feeling a bit of this too? It's so hard when everyone sees you as being the smart one because it puts the thought into your head that you shouldn't need help and that you shouldn't be asking for it. But you are just as worthy as your peers! So don't be afraid to speak up and ask for it! Maybe go see your teacher alone? Do you feel they are approachable?

 

I also think what @Maddy-RO said is really important - just be open with your counselor and let her know how you're feeling about ending things. She won't know until you share it with her. My psych thought I was doing okay and decided that when I got back from the xmas break that she'd suggest dropping my sessions back to every second week cause she thought it would be easier for me to adjust to after the 5wk xmas break. Little did she know, I struggled SO MUCH over the break. I agreed to it but found it so hard and then just shut down completely and didn't go. It wasn't until she reached out to see where I was that I told her the truth and now we are back to weekly sessions for a while. But she didn't know how much I needed it until I physically told her. I found writing it down was easier because I personally felt embarrassed that I couldn't cope without her but it got the message across and now my needs are being met. We have an agreement to try and drop back to every two weeks soon but we are building up to it slowly to make sure I'm ready and it's my decision. What day are you seeing your counsellor? Would you feel comfortable speaking to her about how you're feeling and coming up with a solution that suits both of you?