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Back to my old ways :(

Hey guys

I haven't been online in AGGGESSSS but hopefully now I will be back on more frequently Smiley Happy

Anyway, so..

As you probably all know, winter is upon us. Last year it realised that the weather and the seasons affected my mood, and I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). So now that winter has come I can't help but feel a bit down and depressed.

However, I have begun to return to disordered eating. This leaves me light headed, cold, nauseous and feeling weak but I want to be thin and I don't really care how I get there.

I finally had the courage to email my school counsellor who took over from the really nice school counsellor last year. I don't like this new counsellor and I miss the old one but I know I need help, however she hasn't yet replied to me about having a session.

So, I'm finding that now I'm facing anorexic behaviour and I've begun purging again I have no support. My friends don't know, my family don't know and all my psychologists and counsellors either face to face or online think I'm fully recovered and I thought that too. However that's not the case, I'm beginning to get self harm urges and I really want to go back to self harm, even now.

Sorry for the long message I just feel really depressed and down and I needed to vent.



Re: Back to my old ways :(

Hey @Pillow - sorry to hear that winter has been crappy for you. It take SO much courage to admit that things aren't going well after you've made positive progress, and it's brave that you've been able to share that here. The next step is to open up to your counsellors or your family about what's been going on. If you don't feel comfortable with your new school counsellor yet, you could have a chat to one of the counsellors at The Butterfly Foundation who specialise in ED. In the meantime, you could also revisit this fact-sheet on recovering from eating disorders for a little reassurance and inspiration.


What kind of techniques worked for you in the past when you were dealing with these thoughts and emotions? You are a strong person and experience has proven you can get back on top of this!


By the way, I just had to edit a line in your post to comply with the bit in our community guidelines about triggering language. Hope you understand!


Re: Back to my old ways :(

Hey @Pillow and welcome back Smiley Happy

Please don't apologise for something being too long, or just in general because having a long message shows that you aren't afraid to speak your mind and hold back your feelings, especially when you are asking for help.

Are you still in contact with your old school counselor? Maybe you could chat with her?

Anyways, don't be afraid to ask your friends, family, psychologists and counselors for help. You don't even have to tell them all, go to your close friends and tell them that you are struggling again. A trusted family member even.

You will be okay. You have got through this once and you can do it again. And it will be easier, you know how to fight it this time. You can beat it. Have faith in yourself and in others that will help you.
Have no fear, those around you will care for you. Believe in yourself and others and you will be alright.
Don't forget to trust others and yourself too, because you can make it through this unhappy time. Remember all the strategies that you used last time and this time they will work even better because you know what strategies will work for you and which ones won't.

Have faith in yourself and you'll be alright. Smiley Happy


Re: Back to my old ways :(

Hey @Pillow , welcome back to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that things have been hard for you again, but I'm really glad you came here for support Smiley Happy

I just want to reinforce what @N1ghtW1ng said about letting the people close to you know that things haven't been that great. Trying to do this on your sounds like its been making things even more difficult and I'm sure that even though telling someone close to you seems really hard right now, but in the long run having the support around you will be worth it.

You've done so well in getting out of bad places with your mental health before and I know that you're strong enough to do it again. Please visit some of the resources that @ElleBelle recommended to you if you're still having urges to self harm, as well as contacting Kids Helpline or Lifeline if you need someone to talk to.

Good luck in your recovery, I hope you realise how strong you are.


Re: Back to my old ways :(

Hey @Pillow
Glad to have you back and I'm sorry its on sad terms but its great to see that when things are not going well you can come here be honest with us about what you are going through.

It sounds like you need to find ways to get through this tough season and finding what works for you in the past or what makes things bad for you is a good way to see what you need to get through right now.

Having support is very important, we are not perfect and even when we are doing well sometimes we trip and fall and we just need to get back up and it seems you are trying to do that which shows great strength. Could you consider speaking to a very close trusted friend about what you are going through?

You are so strong and you will get through this.
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**