Boy / girl dramas.

[Elly May]

Hello. this is my first post on here so if its a bit wrong I do apolagize. I have anxiety and low self esteem. To be honest my anxiety becomes horrible when I like a guy or am seeing one. I totally freak out and get scared that they will hurt me and end up ruining it accidently.  I am seeing this guy who I really like but I think I have ruined it again , we were meant to hang out last night but he cancelled and said he wanted to see his mates ,and I got frightened and sent him a text saying that I hope he found a girl to take home and to not worry about seeing me. My ex was seeing two other girls as well as me so I guess I struggle to cope. I was just wondering if anyone else goes a bit crazy when they really like a girl or guy? Its like I have an emotional peanut allergy to feelings sometimes ,I get scared and ruin it ,even when I really want it to work out. I spent the night crying last night and driving my dad mad because I had stuffed it up with this guy and freaked him out. oops!  Anyhow thankyou for listening ! Elly.

[Cheekyone]

Hey Elly,

Welcome to Reach Out no need to Apologize at all. There is nothing wrong with crying spending time crying can be really helpful. Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel? Maybe talking to him about how you feel could help and he might understand what you are going through?

Here is some information about how to deal with anxiety How to Manage Anxiety 

A lot of us freak out/stress when we are in a relationship it can also be a real struggle when it's new a new relationship as well because we want to trust the person but don't know if we can e.g like your past relationship where your ex cheated on you it's a pretty normal feeling to feel anxious and stressed about the unknown. 

Also here is some information on How to build self confidence

cheekyone.

[Elly May]

thankyou Cheekyone ,I will be sure to check out the advice / articles ohh no I couldnt talk to him ,we have only been on three dates ,Ive already freaked him out enough to be honest! But im sure it will all be okay ,some how and thankyou for the help! Elly

[blithe]

Hi Elly May!

New relationships can be pretty nerve wracking, eh! I hope you're feeling a bit less anxious now you've had some time to chill.

I wasn't too sure when you told your boyfriend you hoped he picked up another girl whether you were saying it to pretend you didn't care if he picked up another girl, or if you were joking? Because either way, I don't think you meant it! And if you haven't been dating that long, it might be hard for him to tell what you really meant!

I totally get it if you felt too anxious to tell the truth, which is "I'm worried you might go out with another girl because my previous boyfriend cheated." But if you can't get up the guts to tell him, he's not a mindreader! There's tips here on "having difficult conversations which might help:

Tips for Communicating

Basically, you deserve a guy who won't cheat on you. So it's ok to say that.

Let us know when you know if there's gonna be a date #4?

blithe

[Elly May]

Hey Blithe ,thankyou for your reply!  They are so scary! but worth it in the end. oww well I texted him explaining that I liked him and that I was scared because it made me vunerable and he may not like me back which makes me even more vunerable. Oh no no no I didnt mean it ,the thought of him doing that makes me so sad but I just said so I would seem tough and like I didnt care. He hasnt replied. and I dont know if there will be another date ,I think I scared him too much. I am about to read the difficult conversation article now ,thankyou! I will of course keep you updated.  Boys are  very confusing! I still dont understand them very well. haha Elly.

[Sophie-RO]

Hey Elly - just wanted to chime in and let you know that I really feel for you and many of us can relate to what you're going through at the moment.

Things will get easier for you over time because you are already so self aware and willing to work on it! It's really impressive that you are aware of your own ways that you might unconsciously self-sabotage relationships because they are so scary!

The others have given you some great links to check out so I just wanted to say - we're thinking of you!

[blithe]

Hey Elly May,

Thanks for the update, and well done for being so brave and texting him the truth about what you were feeling. That experience is hard but it means that next time, it will be a little easier. I hope you are doing well. xx

blithe

[MAJORminor]

Hey Elly,

I broke up with my ex because my anxiety around him was getting extreme. It was probably one of the hardest things to do but I know that letting your emotions out does help and bottling it up does nothing beneficial for you.

Hold tight, you'll get through it eventually!!