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Re: Bpd traits making things hard

I don't know if you're an avid reader of posts here, but I have some similar long ranty posts of me being in a similar situation. Its the most bloody frustrating thing when inside your own mind you can see all the things about yourself a lot clearer than a psych who has known you for a couple of days yknow. I went to a short term facility, they gave me a fake diagnosis of "emerging BPD", so I wouldnt develop a persona around the idea. Honestly, i kinda knew they would do that, I read that they would do that before I went. In the short term it did help me, it made me feel like the people there at least really cared about me and wanted what was best, even if it wasnt necessarily the best thing for me. Long term it really confused me, because one doctor would say your diagnosis seems to be up for debate. Others would say, well here it says youve been diagnosed with BPD. For the longest time i fought with myself trying to figure out what was my deal basically. I didnt think i could get help from this place Spectrum which is a program in my local area (might be Australia wide) designed for people on the Cluster B spectrum. I thought I needed an official diagnosis, and up until recently i thought I had some kinda fake diagnostic. I dont know your age, and that really affects the way psychs will assess you. Its true younger people i.e. teens do tend to feel very strongly about certain things, but I believe BPD is about not being able to manage the extremity, not about just having extremity. Regardless of what you decide to do, with returning to hospital or seeking someone who will officially diagnose you. Its not important, whats important is that you can find someone who believes you. Regardless of their training, they will try to help you to manage the extreme emotions of BPD with rigourously studied techniques and help you learn to make solutions for yourself. And its hard because of the anxious symptoms, but one of the first things you will need to learn is assertiveness. ITs going to help you in everyday life like you wouldnt believe. I hate my life and a lot of parts of myself, but learning to be more assertive and to respect myself, gave me a little pick me up. I hope it can do the same for youSmiley Happy your obviously hella smart, can just tell that by the way you write. If i believed it existed id be sending you positive vibes haha, but its the thought that counts! I hope you are finding a path to recovery, its hard asf, but I kinda think the mentally ill will overcome their weaknesses and become the strongest. its a little narcissistic but everybody needs to believe in something to keep them going right?

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

hey @DruidChild just wanted to know how your going today? 

ive been reading but unable to respond properly but still know that i care and im hearing you

when i can find my words again lol im sure youll know

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

Thank you so much @scared01 @Stagnator and @redhead Heart

 

I'm sorry for not replying the other day; my leave ended before I had a chance. I have more leave again, and then I think I'm getting discharged on Tuesday. 

 

I don't really want to go home for good but the hospital I've been in sucks and is really unsupportive and unfriendly to queer people so I also don't want to stay any longer. I feel like I don't have a home. It's not very nice. 

 

I feel too young to be this bitter, jealous and angry. 

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

hey @DruidChild thats sounding really rough atm. that hospital doesnt sound ideal but at least its keeping you safe hey. maybe you will feel better when you get home and in your own comfort zone. 

i do know what its like being in an uncomfortable home though and its not nice at all. i hope things ease for you soon

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

They discharged me today. I don't feel good. I think I should have stayed. I never got to say goodbye to the girl who thought I was her child. 

 

The doctors didn't believe me. Not about being abused, not about being unhappy at home, not about having mood swings. Or maybe they just didn't care. 

 

I think I've made my best friend angry at me but I don't know how and I don't know how to make it better without making it worse and I don't know if I'm just being paranoid and it's t o r t u r e. 

 

Also, I think I'm an angel. Like, a real, actual angel that's fallen to earth from heaven or maybe from Eden for doing the wrong thing. It would explain everything really well, actually. 

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

Everything hurts so much Smiley Sad I can't do this. Why me why me why me what did I do wrong? 

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

@DruidChild it might not seem like it now, but you can do this. You already are doing this.

 

I'm so very sorry to hear that you don't feel ready to have left the hospital, and that you didn't feel believed by the doctors. Sometimes we don't connect with our health professionals, for whatever reason, and that can be hard when you really need their help. But it's important to keep trying and reaching out for help, which you totally seem to be doing.

 

Maybe today is a day to just be kind to yourself. Hug that weighted blanket and watch some comfort TV to distract and amuse yourself. I notice last week you were watching Brooklyn Nine Nine - I love that show! It's just the right amount of smart and funny to make for easy watching.

 

 

You have a lot of supporters in here who I'm sure will be along soon to remind you that you're cared for and needed @scared01 @Stagnator @redhead so please take care, and keep updating us.

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

@DruidChild I'm thinking of you. Discharge can be hard sometimes.
How are you feeling today
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

hey @DruidChild thats sounding rough as redhead has said, discharge can be really tough. it takes time to readjust to reality. take things easy and try not to be too hard on yourself. 

 

what makes you say that your friends angry at you? 

 

we believe you for whatever is happening for you Heart

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Bpd traits making things hard

Thanks everyone @scared01 @redhead @Danielle_RO Heart I'm doing a bit better because I heard from my friend and she wasn't angry at all. But it's going to be a while before I can see her so I've been listening to her favourite band trying to feel closer to her. I'm still feeling really sad but I'm doing okay.