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Bullying

So I think all of us at some point in time will have experienced bullying. Whether you were the bully, the one bullied or maybe your friend was. 

I know when I was in primary school I was the target of our year's bully, and it was really upsetting at the time and even now thinking back about it it is still hard but I have moved on.

So my question is how do you deal with it? What are your tips for dealing with bullying, whether it's you or a friend? Who do you go to talk to?

 

Today I discovered that the people I am over here in England with have been bitching behind my back. Unfortunately I saw a text message in which one of the people told the other that I had said something which was completely untrue. And called me immature and "more difficult than a teenager". Seeing this hurt a lot and now I have at least another two weeks where I have to pretend all is fine, because well I have nowhere else to go. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this?

Re: Bullying

Hey awkwardturtle,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're in that position. I imagine it could make you feel pretty crummy.

I guess the tricky thing to decide would be whether to talk to them about it or not. Do you think if you brought it up with them and explain how you feel it could clear the air a bit? Or is there anyone who's in a bit of a neutral position who you could talk to?

I guess because you're with them for the next couple of weeks you just need to do whatever will make it most comfortable for everyone, but I suppose that being honest and openly communicating could be an option if the alternative is staying quiet but feeling crap about the situation.

I once saw a text message about me between my two best friends which really upset me, and I asked my friend about it and we talked it over and I felt much better.

I'm sorry I'm not much help here :/
Keep us posted on how you're getting on.

Re: Bullying

 

 

Hi Awkward turtle,

 

I totally agree with everything Georgie has said. You could confront these people and try to clear the air with them, but if you are only going to be with them for a couple of weeks you might be better off just making sure you have the best time you can in spite of them. If you are able to steer clear of them most of the time and just do your own thing while you are OS, that might be the path of least resistance.

 

My main piece of advice would be to not let it get you down and ruin your time overseas. Believe me, you probably wont even remember these people is 3 months time, so don't let them occupy too much of your mind now... just focus on getting the most out of being in a foreign land! 

 

Oh and check out this factsheet, it might just give you a couple of helpful tips: http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/having-a-hard-time-with-friends

Re: Bullying


@awkwardturtle wrote:

So my question is how do you deal with it? What are your tips for dealing with bullying, whether it's you or a friend? Who do you go to talk to?


There's a handy factsheet about this: What you can do to stop bullies - Be a supportive bystander - http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/what-you-can-do-to-stop-bullies-be-a-supportive-bystander

 

Personally, I'm a reasonable individual. I will first talk to the bully about it and if they refuse to engage reasonably, I move up the heirarchy until I get a reasonable result. So, if it's at school, I would try to talk to the person first; failing a talk, I then would speak to the most relevant teacher. If I believe it isn't acceptably handled in a reasonable period of time, talk to their superior… and so on until, well, you end up reporting it to the Police. If you tell each person along the way that you're seeking a reasonable resolution and that you will advance it further if a reasonable solution isn't reached, including the heirarchy you intend to follow, you'll find it will get resolved pretty quickly. By doing that, you're sending a message that the issue won't go away until it's resolved — it's a difficult thing and many people would rather stick their head in the sand; it's not wrong, it's just human nature.

 


awkwardturtle wrote:

Today I discovered that the people I am over here in England with have been bitching behind my back. Unfortunately I saw a text message in which one of the people told the other that I had said something which was completely untrue. And called me immature and "more difficult than a teenager". Seeing this hurt a lot and now I have at least another two weeks where I have to pretend all is fine, because well I have nowhere else to go. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this?



I'm not totally up-to-date with who you're with over there but I generally find that not caring what others think works wonders. Smiley Wink I find that it's best to listen to those who clearly care about you – you should care what they think; for people who haven't shown they care about you, it's probably not worth wasting the electrical signals in your grey matter.

 

If you feel it's just one person and it's all a misunderstanding, take the time to have a chat with them. If you're fair, balanced, show that you can see their side, and don't flare up or act hurt by it, it will show that you're more concerned about making things right and not so concerned about defending yourself. Plus if you're cool about it, they won't have anything they can bitch about.

"They came to talk to me about how I felt about them and were quite mature about the whole thing. What a loser." SAID NO ONE EVER. Smiley Very Happy

 

Re: Bullying

it really sucks to get bullied, as i should know.. The second I stepped into primary school, I've been bullied. And if you saw me, you'd understand why. I have a 9mm gap between my two front teeth. Thats the only thing wrong with me. I know people say things behind my back, and i guess I've kind of gotten over it. But i still get called horrible names, like 'can-opener' and 'hilbily'. And I'm in year 9 now.. So in other words, 9 years of torture, and 4 of hell..

 

I also get shit from my 'loving' sister. She's the worst bully I've ever been forced to know. She abuses me, and thinks its okay. I have a scar on my arm from her from when she dug her nails into my arm..  I told my mum it was my cat, missy.. She wouldn't of believed me anyway. Because of the bullies, I've suffered so much for someone my age. Its horrible, I get so scared that I hide in my room and pretend to be sick so i don't have to go to school. My mum has no idea how bad it really is.. I pretend im okay, but really, im anything but okay. I barely even get to talk to my parents any more.. And barely anybody ever talks to me anymore. I miss being able to talk to someone all the time :\ I pretend to be happy, I put the masks up, layer by layer, hoping that everybody is fooled.. The worst thing is, its working..

 

I'm going to get braces now :3 but i'm so scared that the names will get worse.. Its so scary.. But I guess there are people out there that have it much worse... I've let the bullies pretty much rule my life. I'd do anything to escape the torment. I can't even remember the last time I was truly happy.. Yeah, I'm one messed up girl.. I just wish that this could end. I'm sick of being abused and bullied.. But I'm too scared to do anything about it.

It would mean the world to me if someone could help me with this.. There's no way anybody could go through that alone. Wait, no. There's no way anyone who has been bullied or abused could face it by themselves.

Re: Bullying

Welcome gotchi101. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like things have been really tough for you. Being the victim of bullying - both at home and at school - is a horrible experience but it's not forever and you're not alone.

 

First and foremost, I'd encourage you to tell your parents the truth about what's going on. You need to give them the chance to hear it from you and let them help you instead of assuming they might not believe you. Your parents love you and should want to help you as best they can. It's okay to put the masks up with bullies so that they can't see that they're getting to you, but at home, you need to drop the layers and let them see how you really feel.

 

When you have some downtime, I'd encourage you to also work on something you're particularly good at and help yourself to get better at it. This will help build your self-confidence and make you feel stronger about standing up to the bullies.

Also do what you can to ignore and avoid the bullies, whether it's through blocking them online or with headphones, staying away from where you might encounter them, or making sure you're not left alone with them.

 

Also, lastly, remember, there is always someone you can talk to all the time. You're welcome to visit here and share with us here but it sounds like a one-on-one chat would really do wonders for you. If you can't talk to your parents or a friend, the school counsellor should be able to help. If that's not an opion, Kids Helpline is there to listen and offer advice. They can be reached for free, even from mobiles (within Australia), on 1800 55 1800.

 

You've been so strong in sharing with us so far. We'd love for you to stick around so you can keep in touch and let us know how you're going. Stay strong.

Re: Bullying

hey all. To both the original poster and gotchi..

Short and sweet... Stand up for who you are and what you belive in.. Learning to stand strong is the best way to stop people walking all over you.. its not easy but when people learn not to mess with you they quickly learn not to... most people like that are usually really weak and insecure people. Vent on here talk to a friend but never let them see you be hurt by there crap.. if they see that they will want more.

 

no ones perfect and we all learn that at some stage..

Fight fight fight be strong and one day you will look down on them and laugh. bit evil i know but i cant stand bullying

if u ever need to talk about it everyone on here will listen and help!