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Cant get over my past relationship

Four months ago i made a decision to break up with my girlfriend because i didn't feel the spark the way you should when your in a relationship. One month after the break up i felt depressed without her, missed her deeply and tried to explain to her the way i felt telling her i made a huge mistake. I was hoping to get back to togeather with her.


She did not take me back and explained to me she loved me and i broke her heart and she could never be back with me again as she does not want to get hurt again. I accepted this as she was right that i hurt her.


Two more months went by without any communication and i decided to write her a letter to explain myself as a final try to win her back.

I wrote this letter telling her i was sorry explaining the reasons why i broke up with her and so on. I hand delivered the letter and secretly put it in her letterbox and messaged her to check her letterbox.


Again she still not reply.


Its been 4 months now since we split and i still continue to think about her, what should i do as i miss her deeply.


Only today after 4 months i have built up the courage to look at her fb page today, she seems happy.


Should i just give up and stop trying ?

Is there hope still ?


Im in a crap situation, but i guess i did it to myself.

Re: Cant get over my past relationship

Hey speedboy_84 


It is terrible that you did not feel the spark with her and it is normal to miss someone who was a huge part of your life. It seems as though you really miss her and you are doing all that you can to get her back. It sounds like she is still feeling hurt from the break up and you are too. It is very sad that she didnt reply your letter and not talking with her must be very difficult for you. 


I have always lived by the fact that if me and a boyfriend break up, that is it and no going back because we must have broken up for a reason but I don't know if you have ever heard the saying "If you love her, let her go and if she comes back then it is meant to be". My ex and I broke up and we never spoke for years and then all of a sudden after a couple of years we got back together again even though it didnt work out the second time around, it was important to have the space apart to see if we could work it out and even though we didnt succeed, I dont live by that anymore because anything can happen in life and there is always hope. 


You are in a crap situation but you did what you thought was right and even though I dont think you should give up and stop trying it might just be important for now to give her some space and let her come back to you. What do you think?


Maybe it's also important to work on you and focus on you right now and find ways to cope with the break up  


 Take care and let us know how you go. 

**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: Cant get over my past relationship

Hey speedboy! Thanks for your post Smiley Happy

First of all, it sucks that things haven't worked out the way you wanted them to. I think many of us can relate to what you're talking about - sometimes we don't realise how good something is until it's gone, and relationships can be the harshest reminders of this. But don't give up hope! Sure, this may not have worked out, but as they say - there are plenty more fish in the sea. Try to see this in a positive light, and take what lessons you can to help you in the future. Who knows, this time next week you might meet someone you like even more, and you'll be much better prepared for it! Smiley Happy

Take care,


Re: Cant get over my past relationship

Hi speedboy_84,


Looks like you have received some great advice already. I think it is important to remind yourself of why you broke up with her in the first place. obviously something wasn't quite right or working. Unfortunately when we experience loss, sadness or grief it is like we forget some of the realistic things about a situation.


I have found myself in a similiar situation to you before. I ended a four year realtionship and then spent many months regretting my decision and wanted my ex back. But in all honesty he was and still is the same person today as he was then. I look back now and think I made the best decision by walking away from the relationship. It took time to reach this point- it sounds funny but I literally woke up one day and thought the world has lifted off my shoulders and I was ready to get on with life again. Couldn't be happier and hope in time you reach this point too. Sometimes feeling lonely or like you will never find someone again makes us look backwards rather than forwards. It is really hard when you want something so bad and another person does not want the same thing. You can only try so many times or do so much.


Maybe you should listen to the song by passenger - let her go. It might reasonate with how you are feeling or what you are going through.


Here is a positive saying for your day - "sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

I hope things start to become easier for you.


Re: Cant get over my past relationship

Hey Man,

That girl may have liked you before and may have loved you even, but what you've done to her cannot be taken back and you coming on even stronger is perhaps making it worse. 


You must move on by (only suggestions here) going on blind dates. speed dating even, introducing yourself to other crowds and other woman. 


There's not much that can make your previous girlfriend want you back if she simply doesn't want you back. Backing off is my advice and perhaps focusing your attentions on other things like your work for example. set goals for yourself. sign up to a Gym - all things that may indeed lead to a better more clearer mind to move on. 

Re: Cant get over my past relationship

Maybe she can still feel the pain about your breakup and she's afraid to trust you again (that you love her). Maybe she's thinking that same thing will happen again when you'll get back to each other. In my opinion, girls can easily hide their true feelings. You may see her happy but behind her smiles were sadness.


My ex-boyfriend and I broke up with this similar issue but we stayed friends.

Re: Cant get over my past relationship

hey @speedboy_84


Honestly, relationships, breaking up and how you can like a person one second, not the next and how they might like you one moment, but in a short time they one of the most confusing things!


From my experience, I think its important to be in a position where you dont 'need' anyone else. But rather, it is  perhaps 'nice' to be with that person, and there is a mutual benefit of being together. ( but that mindset came with age and high school  it was COMPLETELY and utterly normal for me to get super wrapped up in one girl.....and on some occations for months as well. In fact at sometimes I felt like i never got completely over a girl until I started to like someone else.)



I would personally try give it a bit of time, (since you were the one that broke up with her you must have had your reasons) and perhaps try to focus on yourself and your own experience rather then thinking about her. When you see her by all means engage with how that makes you feel. But perhaps when she isnt in your direct experience, and thoughts of her come up bring yourself back to your current present experience rather then perhaps reflecting on memories, or projecting into an imagined future of 'what if'.  It is when we reinforce these thoughts, that they pop up more frequently.


Hope I have been able to help somewhat Smiley Happy 




Re: Cant get over my past relationship

I hope I can help you.
Others have given great advice.

I have had to let go 2 girls that I love very much because they were happier without me. True and long lasting love is one that is not self-fish.

Its normal that when we love someone and they don't love us back. No matter what we do. Don't think just because we love them then they will love us. Ive had girls that cares for me but I just don't feel anything back. I just cant help it.

Love her by being there for her, encourage her, support her. You dont need to be her partner to love her.

Lastly, I know its hard. But when you feel down. Just think how happy she is... change your thoughts into how happy she is now without you. I think that can set you free.

Take care.