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Confused and scared

I feel lost. I don't understand what is happening or how to fix it, I just know that something feels deeply wrong.

Sometimes I feel almost happy, but it always comes back to this. I don't even know what "this" is.

Everything's just building up. I don't have the energy to work out what to do long term. I'm just reacting to things as they happen and I'm slowly getting nowhere. The urges to self harm are getting so much stronger but I can't even pull myself together enough to find anything to use.

 

Everything feels twisted and disconnected and chaotic. Sometimes my thoughts do not stay still long enough for me to understand them, and it's not helped by the constant physical pain I feel.

Familiar places feel strange and strange places feel familiar. 

I'm scared that my hallucinations will become as bloody and traumatic as they used to be. I don't want those images back in my head I feel so sick just thinking about them.

I'm scared that my hallucinations will go back to doing what they used to, something that's literally unspeakable for me.

 

If I wasn't so tired I'd be in complete panic at the moment. I don't know what to do.

If there's anyone here with suggestions or support or anything it would be greatly appreciated. 

Anyway, thanks for even bothering to read through this giant block of letters I've ended up making.

Re: Confused and scared

Hey... don't think that we shouldn't have bothered reading this! You posted because you need support, and we read it so we can help.

I know how you feel. I always end up coming back to this empty, unkown feeling that looms for ages.

I do have to ask, are you safe?

What is it that you need right now?
Here for you. Hugs.

Re: Confused and scared

I'm safe. I don't know what I need.

Re: Confused and scared

Hey there @Tiny_leaf,

 

Thank you for sharing how you've been recently. Dealing with tough times can be a struggle but opening up and sharing what's going on can be a great help. How are you feeling today? 

 

Dealing with self harm urges can be difficult and I'm sorry to hear that they're getting stronger. Thank you for confirming your safety as well, do any of the ideas in your self harm coping strategies appeal to you? Keeping a list of the ones that work best for you might be helpful so that you can go to it when you feel the urges, what do you think? 

 

Do you think that talking to a counselor or other professional might be helpful for you? They may be able to sit with you and help go through the thoughts and feelings your having, without having to worry about guidelines or delays in responses from a forum setting. If you don't see someone, KidsHelpline or Lifeline could be better alternatives if you're interested. 

 


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Re: Confused and scared

Hi @Jay-RO.
I'm not doing great, I had another mostly useless doctor appointment and then had to deal with mum.
And yeah, some of them are useful, but honestly I don't even have the energy to self harm.

And I see a judgmental psychologist who I don't like talking to. Too much is going on for me to be able to find a new one.
I've had mixed results from KHL, sometimes they help, other times I end up feeling heaps worse.

Re: Confused and scared

hey @Tiny_leaf
i hope your going ok today? things sound tough for you and im sorry youve got some struggles with your supports too. is talking to your psych about how you think shes judging you might help? you meantioned not wanting to change which is ok just thinking what might help you to feel better with them.

can you think of anything that mightve triggerred you into this mood? mental health is a rollercoaster though and sometimes there isnt a trigger and we just have to do what we can to cope healthily until it passes again.

have you got things that help with your self harm? ive got a lot of ideas to share or theres a few threads i can link you in with if you like


**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Confused and scared

Hey @scared01., thanks for responding.

 

Nah, I've tried. She's difficult to talk to and impossible to reason with. I want to change psychologists but I can't.

 

And just a heap of long term stuff.

 

And yeah, I have a few, though if you want to put those ideas on the "Self harm - coping strategies and alternatives" thread I'm sure that they'd be useful to at least a few people.

Re: Confused and scared

sure @Tiny_leaf happy to contribute where it might helps others

can i ask why you arent able to change?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Confused and scared

It takes so much time and energy just to find potential therapists, and then I'd have to get a referral and convince my parents and try to find someone I could work with. I'm just too tired.

Re: Confused and scared

thats fair enough @Tiny_leaf though changing isnt to difficult. your gp can refer you to someone else and then you just make an appointment with the new person. up to you and what youd like to do though
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**