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Confusion

I'm a cis f. I wear dresses and skirts, I like 'feminine' things, and I am anything but 'manly', yet I still suffer from what I can best describe as dysphoria. I hate my chest (and I'm very flat chested) and I only wear sports bras and loose clothing because tight shirts and normal bras make them more obvious. I'm also really thin and have short hair, so the rest of my body kinda looks like a boy anyway, and when my hair gets too long I hate it and I'm a bit concious of gaining curves. I literally have no idea what this means, am I fluid, do I just not like being more grown and  'sexual' if that makes sense. Anyone got any ideas? 

Re: Confusion

hi @Blurryphaced

at our age is perfectly normal to question our sexuality. Qlife is a really good service to chat to about this as well. ill attach a link here for you. they have phone or webchat (so similar to like khl or headspace) and you can be completely anonymous if you wish.

https://qlife.org.au/
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Confusion

Hey there!

I just wanted to add, if it's upsetting you too much I wouldn't stress too much about trying to find a label and fit into a neat category. It's tricky -- labels can be useful to find a community and better understand yourself, but just remember that gender + gender expression exists on a constantly evolving spectrum, and that not everyone can fit into a neat little box. The state of what it means to be 'masculine' or 'feminine' is largely socially constructed, so maybe it would be helpful to take some time to really ask yourself what gender and the performance of it means to you personally.

While typing this I was reminded of Ruby Rose, who identifies as gender-fluid and uses she/her pronouns. Maybe you could research her story, or the stories of other gender-fluid people and see if you can personally relate to their experiences?

I'm wondering if you've ever talked to someone about your body image problems? Seeing or talking to a professional could really help sort out your feelings. The resource provided by @scared01 would be a great starting point!

Re: Confusion

Hi @Blurryphaced, thank you for sharing these feeling with us Heart Understanding your gender identity and feelings about your body can be so difficult and I can really empathise with that. There could be a lot of reasons for what you’re feeling! Ultimately that is up to you to decide, and it’s completely okay to go through a period of figuring it out and questioning your identity. 

 

For some people, body dysphoria is related to their gender identity and could be a result of feeling like they’re a different gender to the one they’re perceived as - like you said, some people are gender fluid and others are transgender men, women, and non binary people. It’s totally okay and normal to be trans, and there are lots of happy and healthy trans and gender fluid people out there Smiley Happy I absolutely second @scared01‘s awesome suggestion of speaking to QLife, as they’re a great service. And like @Hozzles said, there is no pressure to try and fit into a box...you are who you are and it’s okay to have a label or not to have a label. 

 

For others, body dysphoria is related to beliefs they have about what is attractive or desirable. They might feel like they’re not good enough unless they look a certain way or are a certain weight. Especially for those of us assigned female at birth, we receive a lot of messages about needing to be thin, conventionally attractive, etc, and this can really affect the relationship we have with out bodies. 

 

Another reason for dysphoria can be because of trauma, like sexual assault or abuse. Some people feel unsafe in their bodies because of what has happened to them or might be afraid that if they look a certain way they might be hurt again. If this is something you’ve experienced, I would encourage you to reach out to 1800respect or kids helpline for some support Heart

 

Perosnally, I can relate to what you’ve said. I’ve definitely had dysphoria about things like my chest, curves, and face shape. I questioned whether I was transgender for a while, but ultimately I think that my feelings of dysphoria come from having experienced trauma which made me feel frightened and ashamed of my own body. It took me a long time to start figuring these things out, and in fact it’s something I still question sometimes. 

 

There are a couple of ReachOut articles that you might find helpful, this one on gender and this one on body image.

 

We are here to listen and support you as you walk through this journey Heart