Coping with life post operation
Heya everyone,
So as some of you know I had to have an operation on my foot to fix it. That happened last week on Tuesday!During the last week I've been battling with lack of mobility - as I have a back-slab plaster cast on my lower leg which is SOO heavy! And I'm not allowed to stand on it for about 12 weeks/3 months, with regular reviews to check on how the healing is going. Along with the that I'm in a lot of physical pain - it hurts to be standing up with my right foot hanging down, so I must have it resting up which it okay, but the pain can be unbearable and make moving around so difficult and draining!
I'm on some strong pain killers but they don't dull the pain completely. So I'm seeing a GP tomorrow.
With all of this pain and lack of mobility I've had a couple nights where I've cried myself to sleep. Of these sometimes I've felt completely overwhelmed by everything and just felt like it was all totally unfair.
I've felt like such a burden on my family at times because I am limited in what I can do, but on the flip side I feel like they aren't supporting me enough... My mum does the best she can which I appreciate with her lack of energy due to her health conditions. My dad sometimes helps and it really good but then he turns around and makes a snide comment or complains - which can be really hard to cope with at times. And my brother flatly refuses to help me at all, yet he'll "joke" around about hitting/kicking/dropping the cats on my cast and cannot see why I get frustrated with him.
I am frustrated because there isn't a whole lot of room at home, as it's a small house, so using the scooter can be a challenge because of narrow walkways and not being able to do a uturn, I often have to pick up one end of the scooter to move it around to turn! And crutches are a pain, and there isn't really the space to use crutches confidently either! Ugh it's just frustrating!
Sorry for the huge rant, I wanted this to be positive and to update you all on how I'm going as I know quite a few of you are interested to hear about it all 🙂
@Bee that’s understandable:/ i don’t really like any of the drs at my place (never EVER been a fan of drs). you probably can’t but for time being could you change centers ?
@Bee yeah true 😕 i don’t really have much else to help with this situation 
I'm just feeling really low atm so I'm not quite sure what to do atm. I kinda just want to sleep but I know if I sleep now I won't sleep during the night... decisions...
@Bee could you have a little nap or some quiet time ? maybe some colouring and netflix ?
I don't have the stillness for colouring in I'm trying to take my mind off my foot...
I distracted by playing with a cat though, I was pumping air at her and she was trying to eat it haha
@Bee sounds like a good idea. erghh that’s frustrating, hopefully it calms down soon❤️ distraction is the best !
@Bee mmm siblings ay ? have you tried pretending that what he does doesn’t affect you ? so eventually he might give up ? not really sure what to do because siblings are difficult !!
@Bee that’s great to hear you’re staying positive even in bad days ! 🙂 and yes it is definitely okay to let yourself be sad but try and not dwell on things. big hugs
@Bee im very proud of you for still trying your best and being motivated with some errands ! 🙂 it’s perfectly fine to have days when you’re more emotional than others, it’s a very normal thing. @Taylor-RO gave you a good suggestion of making a blog, would you be interested in that ? i started one a while back and havent posted recently but i really do enjoy it i just haven’t had time 😕
Hey @Bee,
Just wanted to chime in and acknowledge how tough it is dealing with things after an operation! I had an operation on my arm 2 months ago and similar to you, am not allowed to use it for 12 weeks. I can relate to how heavy and annoying back slab platers are! Definitely found keeping it elevated on pillows to be a saving grace, helped me forget how heavy it was for a while.
After a little while, the pain started to subside for me (although when I was 2 weeks in like you are, that moment felt like an eternity away!) I found it possible to develop new routines and habits that enabled me to do some things without the use of my arm, that really helped with the burden feeling that you mentioned (which is so tough, especially when you're in physical pain as well). While I can only imagine how hard it is not being able to use your leg, hopefully this may be the case for you too.
Sorry to hear the struggles you're facing with your family at the moment. I think sometimes people forget how much pain we're in or the extra help we need if they're not living it themselves. I found the need sometimes to remind my family that I was in pain/struggling to do something, or as you mentioned, remind them that you're only a couple of weeks post a major operation, so of course you'll need some extra help doing things. Is that a conversation you could have?
Look after yourself @bee, surgery can be so hard to deal with both physically and emotionally
You are never a burden, I know that it feels like that, especially when families (and brothers) can be pricks. You are doing amazing!!! The fact that you continue to do as you normally would with your amazing colouring ins, awesome insights and posts on the forums and general greatness is so impressive and inspiring!
I hope it went well with your GP 🙂
Hey @Bee thank you for updating us. I'm proud of you for ypdoing your best to stay positive, I really hope the GP appointment tomorrow will bring some solutions to the pain.
Life really is so unfair sometimes, isn't it? It sucks that you're going through this. Is there anything in your life right now that you enjoy doing - like writing or art or reading - that could be a positive distraction while you're not very mobile?
It sounds super frustrating that your family isn't always supportive, perhaps you could ask your GP to call your parents and talk to them about what you need as you recover?
Huge huge hugs @Bee, we're always here to listen if you need to rant
im wondering if you would be elidagable for like a carer for a short time for when family arent at home or for just that extra support? obviously it wont be a long term things but just until your more recovered..
that pain sounds really horrible, i hoep the new gp can help more with that.
have you got some things to do while your resting? like colouring in, other arts and crafts, reading books, studying, umm im having a mental blank lol.
i can hear how your trying to stay positive and that is soooo amazing! huge kudos to you!
im so proud of you for staying so positive!! @Bee
im sorry it’s been a bit painful and frustrating 😞 i wish there was a way for you to not suffer too much from this surgery 😕 thats quite unfair about the snide comments from your dad and your brother being really unhelpful, at least your parents are trying their best ! i hope you’re feeling okay atm
@litgym the pain I can manage I guess, I knew it was coming, I knew it would be difficult with my family.
@scared01 thank you ❤️
I was wondering that, but when I mentioned to mum that I was thinking about it she kinda acted like it wasn't needed. So I haven't even bothered 😕
It's the same GP I've been seeing since my regular one went on Maternity leave, right now I just wish she was back already - I miss her 😞
I've got plenty of things to do, it's just getting time to do them when I need to. Like earlier tonight I was going to have a shower and I ran into something someone put right in the walkway and my brother just kept being rude about it and with pms it just threw me completely, that's after of course I did days worth of dishes because no one else would and we ran out of clean glasses and cutlery 😞 And it just hurts so damn much 😞 Right now I just want to cry because home feels so very very difficult and I just. gah it's hard :'(
@DruidChild thanks, my GP gave me a long acting pain killer at a strongish dose and said we'd taper it down every 2 weeks as I'm tolerating the pain more. Which works out better as I won't be having the other med frequently which can be habit forming - which we don't want. But he was good and listened to my pain which was nice.
I'm dong things I enjoy as much as I can, it just feels stuck sometimes as it's really hard to be in the same place all the time and not get out, it just feels lonely
My parents KNOW how hard a surgery this was, they KNOW I need help, it's just getting it at times can be a struggle because I CAN do some things with the knee scooter, but my dad doesn't comprehend pain very well 😞 Getting anyone to talk to them probably wouldn't help, I have to show them...
Thanks for the hugs, I need them right now x
@N1ghtW1ng thank you so much! ❤️ that means a lot x
It went well with my gp (read above, because I'm too lazy to retype :P)
Hey @Bee how has the pain been over the last few days? I'm really glad your gp was able to listen to your concerns and do something to help.
I hear you - being stuck at home with your family and not able to move around much must be difficult. I think it's amazing that you're still managing to post on here and be active in this community while things are tough 🙂 Family can be really, really hard to cope with and I can relate to feeling like even though they KNOW we need help, they don't offer it. Do you have any extended family or friends who could pop over for a chat and some company?
Also just wanted to add that you shouldn't feel bad about using disability resources if that's what you need right now! The health system exists to be used, you're not taking up someone else's resources - you have a right to the help that you need to recover
More hugs, thinking of you
Yeah right now, it's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. People say I'm doing so well to be out in town only 1.5weeks post op! I bumped into an old teacher who I liked and have on facey and she said how well I looked for being so fresh out of surgery.
I don't have extended family. They exist, but are not part of my life and are in another state. My friends are mostly busy with their own lives to even spend more than 30mins with me, and I doubt they'd want to hear about all the worries and troubles I'm having right now..
That sounds quite negative, and is probably not 100% accurate, but is how I am feeling tonight 😞
I've had a whole day of my brother having a go at me and attacking me verbally, and now he's left for the night and has made it out as it's my fault and I feel like mum is buying and just now as I tried to tell her how I felt she walked away and said nothing :'( I just feel so unsupported and like a burden 😞
I was planning on discussing that with my psychologist a bit, but I forgot and I didn't use the session in a way that would be helpful until our next apt. I think I was too scared that my mum was in the room next door waiting! And I know sometimes I can hear the murmur of a session when I walk in and I don't listen, but I don't trust my mum not to listen in 😞
I do have another person who I've seen a couple times who I could contact, but I am hesitant to do that... I guess it doesn't hurt to ask?
Thank you for your love and hugs. I need them right now x
@DruidChildit is quite difficult and overwhelming for sure!
Absolutely, it can feel like people don't see how tough it actually is! Just because I'm out and away from home doesn't mean it was easy to get out. There was most likely a fight about why I needed to go out, or who would lift the knee scooter into and out of the boot. And there would be more complaints because I'm slow or whatever. And it just gets to the point where it would be nice for once to have a day where no one bitched at me because I need help, or because I can't do things on my own. It would be nice for people to say, hey don't move I'll grab this for you, or asking if I needed anything while they were up or going into the kitchen etc! argh it's just so infuriating. Like I want to do things myself, but when I am sore and it's obvious I'm in pain because I'm slower or I'm kinda grunting in pain, if people would help. And it's moments like tonight where I've been told off and made to feel like I'm unworthy of help and like I'm a burden that I wish I had help around the home.
Absolutely! It feels like no one understands the amount of pain I am in and how exhausting and mentally wrecking this injury is let alone surgery. Like it was a MAJOR foot surgery. (I am resisting the urge to disclose gory details 😛 )
It feels awkward with my friends because we are in different stages of life, and the people I connect to most are in different states 😞 And I talk to them as much as we can, but it is exhausting when they are so far when all I want is to just cuddle up on the lounge and cry.
I feel like it would just be counter productive, she has a new work friend and they work together and are quite close now. I kinda feel like we never speak anymore 😞
My next psychologist apt is in 3 weeks, I see the psychiatrist 2 days before my psychologist.
I am going to send her through an email or two, and I am going to ask my mum to go and run errands or do something while I'm at my appointment, I don't know how to get her to not wait in the waiting room without saying I don't trust her and causing fights.
I've had a quick look at a couple of those sites and thanks, I've bookmarked the first 2, I've used smiling mind before, my psychiatrist keeps wanting me to try meditation again - she suggested a few, but I just haven't gotten into it.
Hey @Bee, I totally agree with @Jess1-RO that you are doing so well and being very resilient. I understand that being able to cope doesn't make the pain seem any easier, though
Injury and surgery are both massive life 'crises' and it completely makes sense that you would be needing some extra support - both practical and emotional - right now. I'm sorry to hear that your family is not being supportive and that it's difficult to connect with friends. It sucks that you're not feeling close with your friend; do you think it's worth trying them anyway? Having other friends and being busy/distracted doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you and want to be there for you.
Emailing before your appointments sounds a great plan, and so does trying to get your mother to not be in the waiting room. Maybe you could ask her to pick something up from the chemist or supermarket for you?
I wish there was some way we could help you out! I for one am always up for crying on a couch 
Try to remember that things will improve; your health can improve and you will be able to be more mobile and pain free again and to seek out communities where you feel you belong
