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Cruel Parents

Do you ever feel as though your parents live to make you feel sad and or miserable? Like the only thing that matters to them is that you do everything right? Do they point out every single little mistake and criticise you on everything but never once apologise for it? How do you deal with having such an oppressive parent? I’ve been feeling really anxious lately, stressed and I’ve tried to cope with it with music, meditation and exercise but it’s getting harder and harder to feel happy.

Re: Cruel Parents

Hi @Sadcookies!

 

Thank you for sharing your experience on the forum with us. Trust me you're not alone with this one Smiley Happy

 

I used to feel like my parents were the same way that you described. I felt that there were too strict and over controlling, and that they just didn't understand how I felt. However, from talking to them, they were surprised that I felt that way- they felt they were just being caring and protective.

 

The thing is, some parents have a different idea of what love is, and some express it by being overly critical, thinking that it will motivate their child to improve and do better next time, not realising that they might actually be making them feel worse Smiley Sad

 

Have you tried to talking to them about how you feel? At the end of the day they are certainly not on a mission to make your life hell, even if it does feel that way. Maybe they think that by pointing out all your mistakes, they are motivating you or are encouraging you to do better. They may not even realise how anxious it's making you feel! I would suggest you try and tell them that the way they criticise you isn't very helpful. Communication is key here, a lot of misunderstandings and hostile feelings can build up by keeping things inside.

 

Let me know what you think, and if there's anything that you would like to talk about more Smiley Happy

Re: Cruel Parents

Thank you for replying by the way, I appreciate it a lot.

 

My mother is a single mother of four and things have been really tough for her and I try to be supportive of her. I have talked to her about it but she dismisses my feelings and says I’m over emotional and over sensitive. I’ve told her that her criticism doesn’t make me feel good and that’s it makes me pretty unhappy and her response is always I’m not criticising you. I’m only telling the truth. It’s made our relationship strained and I’m always walking on eggshells around her because of it, it’s caused multiple panic and anxiety attacks. She doesn’t like me expressing my sadness or my emotions because she thinks that it makes me weak... it’s  gotten to the point where being home doesn’t even remotely make me happy. 

Re: Cruel Parents

Hey @Sadcookies 

 

Welcome to ReachOut and know that you are safe to talk about your emotions here Heart There is a lot of strength in sharing vulnerabilities - not only does it help you to process your feelings, it also shows other people that they aren't alone. 

 

You sound like a very understanding person and it's beautiful that you consider the challenges your mother has. I can also hear that the strain between you and mum is really getting you down - which is completely understandable. I'm just wondering if there are any trusted people you could speak to about this? Family members or even a counsellor?  

 

The good news is that we have an amazing community here on the forums and you are always welcome to come here for support Heart 

Re: Cruel Parents

Hey @Sadcookies, you're not alone. When I lived at home I felt like this a lot. I know it's not helpful to you right now, but one day you will be able to make more of your own choices, including who you surround yourself with. It might help to think of this when you're feeling stressed and remember that one day you won't feel like this. Again, I know this is a really difficult thing to do, but it's something that personally helped me a lot (and it turned out to be true). I'm wondering if you're able to establish a safe space in your house, maybe your bedroom, where you feel calm? That could be your safehaven.

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: Cruel Parents

Also, you're absolutely not weak for expressing how you feel. That is normal, and bottling up our emotions or putting on a brave face all the time can be really damaging to our mental health in the long run.
____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
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Re: Cruel Parents

Hi @Sadcookies . I think you are brave to reach out and ask for support on this topic. It is so important because you should feel safe, supported and understood by the people who raise you as they are an important figure in your life. 

 

I truly feel I can relate to how you feel because I deal with this all the time with my parents. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough and a burden or somehow wrong for feeling these things. It's not true though. Your feelings are very valid and it doesn't sound like you are being respected. 

 

I actually did end up leaving home and was homeless for a while and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I love my family but it was all I could do to help my own sanity and escape the toxic environment I was living in because I was having panic attacks, anger outbursts and not sleeping and avoiding being at home as much as possible. I'm not trying to suggest that you should move out, but I agree with @MisoBear about finding a safe space at home like your bedroom. 

 

I also find Kids Helpline really good to talk to about family relationship issues as well as headspace. They can help give you ideas on communication strategies and help you to process what is happenning. 

 

We're here to listen!