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Cutting Ties

I'm 20 years old and have always had a rough relationship with my Dad. He has been in and out of my life since I was ten, and before that I had no contact with him - his choice. 

I feel that now I am 20, I can make a decision to not speak to him anymore. I feel like this is the right decision as him being in my life causes me a lot of hurt and confusion. He is constantly letting me down, and even though I have lowered my expectations it's always me that is disappointed and hurt in the end. 
He hasn't contacted me in two months even though he is always telling me he will call after work. 

I feel like this is the right decision for me at this point, but some people have told me im too young to cut him out of my life completely. 

Re: Cutting Ties

Hey @Luna_96

If you feel like it's the right decision, then you go for it. For some people, it might be too young but they don't have the same experiences as you. If you know that this is something you want to do, then do it.

Re: Cutting Ties

Hey @Luna_96, I want to echo what @N1ghtW1ng has said. You've obviously thought a lot about this and it can't have been an easy decision to come to. I understand what it's like to have a parent let you down, and needing to put your own wellbeing first. Have you spoken to your Dad about how it affects you when he promises to call and doesn't?

 

It's important to know that deciding to end contact with him doesn't have to be permanent. If in future you do feel like trying to heal the relationship, it can help to have someone in your corner like a professional counsellor or therapist. They can help negotiate feelings of anger and resentment; and make sure you're not left doing all the work. Relationships Australia is a good place to start if or when you're ready to go down that path, as they specialise in family counselling.

Re: Cutting Ties

It might be good to spend some time separate from him if he continually causes you hardship in your life. However, I also have lost my parents, and I know too how it can be to cut off a parent and then never get the chance to reform the relationship. So, I would at least suggest to visit a counselor on the matter, maybe the two of you can potentially work it out.

Re: Cutting Ties

How are things @Luna_96?

Re: Cutting Ties

@Luna_96 ultimately the choice is yours. Do you want to talk about how to go about cutting ties and what support you might need in that process? Or are you still making sure this is the right choice for you, in which case do you want some support to make sure you've thought about the other options and possibilities for getting what you need out of this situation?

 

 

I am sorry to hear that you've been treated in a way that means you need to consider this choice i can't imagine how hard this must be and I hope we can help you connect up with the support you need either way, because we're here for you!

Re: Cutting Ties

Thanks everyone for the support! 
I do believe it is the right decision for me. I have planned to write a letter to Dad so there is some explanation from my end.
My siblings remain in contact with him, so I will see him from time to time, but I need to make the decision to with draw myself from him. 

Re: Cutting Ties

I hope this decision brings you some peace and clarity. If you need any support along the way @Luna_96, we are always here - as are the counsellors at eHeadspace.

Re: Cutting Ties

Sorry, I'm a little late to this post @Luna_96
I've read through it and I just wanted to let you know that wanting to cut ties with your family members is ok and completley up to you. I had a really negative relationship with both of my parents and have tried multiple times to cut ties with my Mum. and before he died my dad too. It is your decision and please don't let other people tell you what you should and shouldn't do because you know what is best for you. You sound like you have made up your mind and that's great. What are you going to do next?
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Cutting Ties

Hi, thank you everyone for your support. 
I wrote a letter explaining why I was making the decision and posted it to my dad. 
I guess part of me was expecting a response, he texted me saying that it was fine to not speak anymore. I built it up so much in my head and made myself think that he cared more than he did. 
I'm feeling a weight lifted off me and am now just trying to focus on the future.