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Dealing with the passing of a parent

I am an M>F and have been taking my journey slowly over the last 5 years, I have a steady job and nobody knows my former life. Unfortunately my parents were not supportive during this time and we didn't contact each other for many years, I did on many occasions send emails and letters to varying degrees of response. I focused on the positive things that they had done for me growing, my only regret is that didn't reveal the family secret until I was much older and then started my change.

 

things continued like this for many years until my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer, my first response was to organize a visit which is half a world away. I was told that I was not welcome in the home and that I should apologize before I could return home, another story in itself. My siblings also shut me out from the family by not communicating.

 

fast forward to this year, upon receiving an email from my dad saying that mum only had days to live and being told that I could not talk to my mum. I was unsure of what to do, so with friends advice I sent emails and a video, they hadn't seen me for about 6 years. I got no response and was getting frustrated not knowing what to do.

Mum passed away just over a week ago, I was upset of course however the thing that helped the most was an email from my Dad saying that she enjoyed the emails and videos that I had sent.

 

i guess my point is that a small bit of recognition from a loved one goes a long way, just those 2 lines gave me comfort knowing that the bitterness and dislike of my life style had faded to a point where she didn't take the hatred to beyond. I still regret the fact that I couldn't see her but at least I got to say goodbye without upsetting all of the other people involved.

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Re: Dealing with the passing of a parent

I am sorry for your loss.

From reading your story I think you did everything right. And even the things you thought you could've done better I think it must have been part of the process of what you were going through. What you went through I can imagine isnt easy.

 

I think you should keep your doors open for your family, you still have dad around. Respect if they want to be in contact with you or not. Let love lead the way.

 

Again Im sorry for your loss but reading what you wrote I think you've done great.

Re: Dealing with the passing of a parent

Hi @Island

 

I can't Imagine how hard it was for you to decide to focus on yourself despite receving little to no support from your family.

You have dealt with some extremely difficult choices in your life and have taken them on with enormous amounts of strength! You should be so proud of yourself!

 

The way that you have dealt with your mums passing shows a lot of courage on your part and I really do hope you know that you did such an amazing thing for her.

 

I'd love to hear from you to see how things are going Smiley Happy

Re: Dealing with the passing of a parent

Hi @Island and welcome to ReachOut.

First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

It sounds like you did all you could to bridge the gap between your family and yourself and I want to congratulate you on that. It can be really hard to persist in contacting people when they're not treating you with the same courtesy. I'm so glad to hear that you've been able to glean some comfort from the fact that your mother read and enjoyed your emails/videos.

 

Please know that we at ReachOut are always here for you.

// Spiral outward, keep going. //