So I've thought about this for a while and I thought I might as well take the plunge...
I've issues with this group of friends on and off for the past year or so. A fight will happen and the group will split for about a week or so and then we'll be as one big group again. Though lately I've noticed it's me that's being, well excluded. They will arrange to go to the movies in from of me and arrange dates to catch up. It doesn't really bother me much as I'm not into the movies they are seeing and don't enjoy spending much time with them anyway. I guess I hang out with them because I've been friends with the girls since year7, and became closer in years 8 & 9.
Recently I've noticed a fight will happen and it's me who is sent to find someplace else to go. I end up hanging out with other people and always feel out of place.It's always the same girl that I end up fight with too.
It's little things that throw everything around and causes fights to occur. I'm wondering whether or not to try and save the friendship or not. And how I would go about trying to spend less time with her/them, as I share 2 classes with her at the moment and possibly 3 when our English classes get rearranged...
I have tried to slowly move myself away from this group as whenever I sit with them I always feel uncomfortable and anxious and I tend to zone out waiting for the bell, but this failed and I ended up going straight back to them, with trying to stay away lasting maybe 2-3 days... (I guess no matter where I am I feel like an outsider, it's awkward and silent when I'm around others. I don't know whether I'm over reacting to any of this or not...) I've recognised that hanging out with these girls is not only damaging my (mental) health and ability to get through the day without getting really stressed or distracted from the work, but I think it's giving me a bit of a bad rep with some of the teachers - esp the careers & year adviser...
These constant friendship deliema's are getting me really down and putting extra strain on me with completing my work.. And I'm always in a worse state when there is fights going on...
Any help would be appreciated... thanks
Oh that sounds tough. It's really hard to let go of older friendships sometimes, simply because you become used to them, sort of like a habit. And you learn to lean on those people as you're comfortable around them. It sounds like that comfort level is wearing off though, I would expect my friends to have my back if someone was picking fights with me - and it doesn't seem like the other people in your group are doing that at all.
When I was in school we had a similar big group of friends and there were always fights and in the end I really don't think any of them were actually friends. I tended to just hang out with a group of 4 of us and steered clear of the other group.
I know it's really hard to just take a stand and leave the comfort of the bigger group and your longer-standing friends - but perhaps hanging out with some other people *IS* the best solution even though it's really hard, because as you say you feel like an outsider and get anxious around others.
Anyways. Hope some others have some input that might help!!
As harsh as this sounds: Is it likely you'll see these people again after HSC? Not unless you are in the same lecture/tutorial at uni. Besides, they'll probably make new friends anyway and you will too! I was in the same situation in Yr 10, but realizing all this helped me heaps. RO! has also played a big part as the friendships I have formed here have helped me tackle the anger I feel at what they did to me.
If you are worried about what you'll do with no one to sit with- I reread my textbooks, do more research on topics that confuse me or I ask a teacher for an help. Sitting and looking at the sky and trees sometimes helps too.
You are an awesome person(yes- you are! ;D) and no one should tell you differently!
Good Luck Bee- you can do this!
@Shadow: It doesn't sound that harsh... It's actually a really good reminder! So thank you!
Awww Bee that sounds exhausting, yeah I can see how this is really affecting you and its sad when friendships turn for the worst. You say its just one girl that you are fighting with, have you spoken to her and asked her what is going on and if something wrong happened so you can actually say that you tried your best.
I've had issues like that as well with a few "friends" and they completely cut me out and I felt left out and it really made me angry because it was so passive aggressive and I reached a point when I just didnt want the drama and I didnt want the BS so I just stopped hanging around them. I was alone sometimes I would spend in the library or the computers or I would hang out with a different group but being alone was better than dealing with that.
So do what is best for your mental health and if that means you have to lose friends then thats how it is. I always say, friends come and go and making an effort for someone who doesnt want to make an effort for you is not a friend.
I hope things work our for you and let us know how you go
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
But you're right, if looking after my mental health means loosing a friend so be it. I shouldn't have to deal with stuff like this from people. That is one thing everyone here on RO has helped me see, and I'm grateful
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
So she just randomly starting talking to my in Science on Tuesday, it started with a note telling me to smile and that I was beautiful.. (I was sitting by myself her in the row infront) Then when we got up to do our pracs she was there next to me talking to me and acting as if nothing had happened... She was telling me today that she told her mum we made up and her mum just said "wow, you guys will probably be fighting again today anyway so it makes no difference" or something alone those lines...
I don't know whether to bring up the subject of what happened last week or leave it. I'm so confused with this and other issues...
I can't handle sitting alone too well, I feel as though everyone is watching me and making fun of me... I fear that if I don't say anything and keep the friendship going that I'm only putting myself in a bad position with my mental health, but then at the same time I don't want to be the perosn who just pushes everyone away or has friends that don't act like friends as friends...
I don't know, I guess time will tell. And I think I just automatically started talking to her when she started talking to me as I don't want to be seen as a 'bad' person or anything, and as it's a bit of a habit...
Sorry, I feel like I just keep throwing any advice anyone gives me back to them as if it wont work... and I feel terrible because if this...
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