@Eden1717 do you think one day you might get back to being okay ish?
If you have the energy there's an Australian website called Patient Opinion which lets you make a complaint and warn others.
I wish I could say that no one else has had that problem but it's something I've experienced too..
I'd never heard it spoken about as a problem before, it sounds like something that more people need to be aware of.
I might actually email SANE about it and see if they can raise awareness or put it in their myth/ fact page for psychosis..
Hello @Eden1717, I am sorry to hear about what you have been through recently. That must have been a really difficult experience. I think that you have a good attitude around not wasting your energy or time on something that is not worth it! It sounds like a really useful ability to have as it can help you to ignore the smaller things and stay focused on things that really matter.
Its awesome to hear that you have had a chance to watch some Netflix and relax. Sounds like you are watching some cool stuff on Netflix right now !
@Tiny_leaf Yeah it is something a few doctors have said to me and it is super incorrect and harmful but this doctor was just super annoying and didn’t listen to me at all and also I was just answering questions but it was after 5 days of not sleeping at all and I wasn’t able to explain myself well but he just thought I was talking properly which I wasn’t and then the times I did try and correct him he said I was wrong so I ended up giving up anyway it isn’t something I can fix right now everything is just a big mess and I do t have the energy to fight a system that has no intention of changing.
I am still having a really really hard time nothing was fixed or even helped with at all from being in hospital again and I am trying so hard to keep busy and distracted and stuff except things were getting worse in hospital and I only slept for like 2 days the whole time that I was there and I am trying I really am but I still think that there is a device in me and I want it out and I am trying but I keep thinking that I should try and get it out myself only I think it is in my head and goes down my neck and getting something out of there would be very dangerous but I just want it out but also I am not sure I could do it myself and ugh this is just such a mess and I am still hearing things and I still don’t think people are people and I am trying so hard but I can’t ignore it all and I just need to make it to the weekend then I can talk to my psychologist at least.
@Sophia-RO I am safe for now. I have been watching tv all night and I need to go shower and go to bed but I just can’t and idk why and I want to scream and I feel really on edge and I am trying so hard it is Thursday now so not too long for the psychologist hopefully, but they are new and idk if I should tell them what is going on or not and I am starting to think this was the plan to test me to see if I would do what “they” wanted to see how far they can push me I am trying so hard I really am but I am still hearing things and sometimes seeing things and even when I was in hospital I couldn’t tell them but I was really stressed about the device for a couple of nights and ugh never mind that place isn’t a hospital anyway nothing here is what it is supposed to be I am trying to ignore it I really am but I don’t feel right nothing feels right at all and I am having such a hard time doing basic tasks like I can’t make myself do the things I am trying to and it takes me forever and I everything is such a mess I thought I could just ignore it and suck it up and pretend but I can’t I want to be able to but I can’t and I don’t know what to do the hospital won’t help the crisis team won’t help I have to wait to see anyone privately and I am trying to do that I really am it is just so hard.
@Eden1717 Eeeek. Sounds like a really tough night or couple of weeks for you . We may be in different time zones, but from my end it looks like you were up pretty late last night (5am). Did you manage to get any sleep?
Your psychologist appointment is not far away now as we are approach the end of the week. You mentioned it being a new psychologist - is it the same one who asked you "have you ever considered that maybe I'm a psychologist?" from the other week, or?
@Maddy-RO I actully ended up being up until 8-9am I got maybe 3 hours of sleep. Yes it is the same one that asked me that. I am nervous though because the last time I saw her didn’t go well and then I ended up in hospital and I haven’t seen her since. I just feel like my head is all over the place and I am trying to hard to refocus and just block everything out but I feel like I am falling and can’t catch onto anything to even stop myself. Like I couldn’t get to sleep and everything feels weird and I am just trying to binge watch Netflix and stuff so that I don’t have to think except I am still thinking a lot about everything and certain things are bothering me a lot and I know the things I am thinking don’t make sense to other people but I can’t stop thinking them and that doesn’t mean I don’t think they are real and true it is just like I can never talk about them and I don’t even know what the answer is even if the hospital had taken me seriously I am not sure what they could have really done there are only 2 medications I haven’t already tried left and they are really intense ones that require a lot of monitoring which wouldn’t be ideal if I went back to uni anyway so even if I thought that was an option it kind of isn’t and I just don’t know how I am meant to get back to where I was or even just back to being able to manage it is like I was on track and I got knocked off by a huge something and now I can’t even find the tracks again. I don’t think there is anything left that anyone can do to help and I know that and that is half the reason I am so frustrated because I know the only one left who can do anything is me but I just feel so out of control and no matter how hard I am trying it isn’t working I don’t know I have to call uni today maybe if I can go back to uni it will help give me some structure or something idk I really don’t know what to do.
I can hear how hard you've been trying @Eden1717, and I really do feel for you. Going back to university could be useful in giving you some structure/routine. It might be worth even going back for 1 or 2 subjects per semester so that it's not too stressful. I think it's a good idea to give the university a call like you said. Did you get around to doing that today?
It is unclear to me from your last post whether you are sort of considering trying medication to assist with your distress...are you?
@Maddy-RO I am not sure what I am considering at this point I just know that nothing I am currently doing is helping. I did call uni and asked how semester 2 was being delivered and they said it was all online which is not good because I struggle to do online work.
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