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Re: “Delusions”

@Sophia-RO  I am already doing everything I can to feel better but it isn’t working. still I will just have to tolerate it for now. I am trying to stay calm and just hoping to be able to get through the night and maybe sleep a tiny bit maybe it will be hard but I am trying. I think it is just because I am anxious maybe it is more than that I don’t know. I am ok at this moment. 

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Re: “Delusions”

Hey @Eden1717, were you able to get much sleep last night?

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Re: “Delusions”

@cupcakes_032  Nope didn’t get to bed until 8am, then layed in bed for hours unable to sleep maybe got 1 or 2 hours of broken sleep. 

 

Possible tw around eating. 

I am very agitated today today and feeling very off but now that I feel like everything is a huge mess and like I am not able to manage anything my eating disorder issues seem to have gotten a lot worse because that is obviously the best way to regain some control of my life oh well I guess that is better than the alternative at least when I am hungry I can’t feel things as much. 

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Re: “Delusions”

That sounds incredibly exhausting and draining @Eden1717, have you managed to find anything to distract yourself in the past couple of hours? 

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Re: “Delusions”

@Andrea-RO  Not really I saw my psychologist today but like that is all I have done and now I am feeling very agitated and I can’t sit still and I just feel like there is nothing I can do to relax and idk I am just feeling super uncomfortable but like I don’t even know anymore everything is such a mess and I am trying to keep it together but I keep jumping around from thing to thing and I can’t ugh idk how to explain it. I am just not feeling good at the moment. 

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Re: “Delusions”

Hey @Eden1717, it sounds like you are feeling a whole range of things right now. It seems like things are feeling really uncomfortable at the moment. Sometimes it is hard to explain things when so much is going on. How was your session with your psychologist? Is this the reason why you are feeling agitated and uncomfortable?
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Re: “Delusions”

@Taylor-RO  the session wasn’t bad and I am not sure if it is why I am agitated I think I am just feeling really unsure of a few things and I have no way of becoming sure and I feel really freaked out because if they don’t know and if they don’t think it is medical then it is all real then it is all true and if it’s all true then I have screwed up big time and if it is all true then I can’t trust anyone or anything here and it is weird because I know it is true and I have known it was true the whole time but maybe I liked the idea that it might not be except maybe that was the plan all along and that is why they left me like that why they said what they said but that still leaves me unsure. Not of what is real but of what to do. How am I meant to do what they want me to do. Everything is a mess and it is my fault I guess but I still am confused I am not always sure what to do I guess I just have to see what happens and maybe figure some things out. But if no one here is human and if the beings are real and if I am supposed to be doing what I think I am then there is a lot of work for me to do. 

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Re: “Delusions”

It sounds like last night you were having a lot of very confusing and sometimes scary thoughts @Eden1717, how are you going today? Were you able to get much sleep last night?

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Re: “Delusions”

@Andrea-RO  No I hardly slept again and didn’t get to sleep until after 8am again. Maybe 1-2 hours again. I couldn’t get to sleep too many thoughts and too much going on I was hearing things but they also kept putting stuff in my head and they kept showing me things but I am not sure what they mean yet I only know that things are repeating again like I am meant to try again to do what they wanted last time only I am supposed to do something differently like I missed something and they want me to try again. People keep saying if you are tried enough you will sleep but I am not getting that tired through the day I just feel like I should be tired but I am not exactly tired not in the way I think I should be. But I am too preoccupied with everything else where they want me to go and what they want me to do and why everything and why everyone looks so strange what do they really want from me or is it for me I don’t know I don’t know what is real but everything and everyone looks like they are not actually a physical being like they are but they all look like they are just pretending to be human even the things that don’t move or shouldn’t they do sometimes like chairs and stuff, I still have the device in me and it is still making me uncomfortable but how am I supposed to get something like that out of me by myself. Still I am being constantly watched and monitored how long will it be this time. I don’t know everything is getting intense again I can feel it like last time only a little different something big is on its way. 

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Re: “Delusions”

Hello @Eden1717, sorry to hear that you were not able to get much sleep last night. Have you been feeling any better today? From the sounds of it, there is a lot going on for you right now as you have been having a lot of different thoughts go through your mind. Feeling like you are being constantly watched sounds quite scary and confronting. Were you able to let your psychologist know about these thoughts that you have been having? Do you have anything planned tonight for self-care?