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Re: “Delusions”

@Eden1717 I hear you Smiley Sad It sounds so frustrating that you don't feel people are listening to you. I'm wondering what your hobbies were (even though they make you sad now), just out of curiosity? Have you been able to have a cry yet? I know you were saying you felt like it but couldn't.. Sometimes it's good to get it out when you can Smiley Sad

Re: “Delusions”

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  I can’t cry. It doesn’t matter what they are now. 

Re: “Delusions”

@Eden1717 That must be really frustrating that you can't cry, hey? Sometimes when people are in a lot of distress, they find this hard as well, describing it as feeling 'emotionally numb' Smiley Sad Would you say this reflects how you're feeling?

Awh hey, it matters to me what they were Smiley Happy But it's okay you don't have to share. I get that bringing them up makes you sad, I was just interested and thought it might be a good distraction for you to talk about it.

Re: “Delusions”

Also.. I'm wondering how we can best help you @Eden1717? The fact you're talking to people on RO is awesome, and very brave. I appreciate how hard it is to talk to anyone about these things. I'm just wondering what's been most helpful for you? Do you just want people to listen? Smiley Happy We really want to support you in a way that is most beneficial for you!

Re: “Delusions”

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  It isn’t like being numb... I really don’t know how else to answer that question I feel like people on here and in real life are constantly asking that question and no matter how many times I answer it and how many different ways I try to answer it so that people understand it they always ask again and again. I don’t know how many times I am supposed to answer the same questions. I am not angry I am just genuinely confused like I don’t know what people want or expect me to say anymore and I feel like even if I answer this question again people still won’t understand. 

Re: “Delusions”

Hey @Eden1717, I'm sorry for asking typical questions, numbness is a common explanation, that's probably why so many people ask you that! I'm just trying to understand what your experience is.

Thanks for saying you're not angry but confused, I really appreciate that. I'm sure you know this, but it's pretty stressful to see someone in so much distress and not know how to help or understand, kind of like it's so stressful for you to not be able to get anyone to help or understand you. So we're mutually stressed by this not being able to get people to understand thing if that's any consolation! Smiley Tongue

I'm sorry you've got to keep repeating things, that must be exhausting! Mental health workers have to ask the same questions every time, I've heard them so many times, I know them off by heart and have my answers ready when I see my case manager Smiley Tongue Can you relate?

I'm not sure if emotional blunting is the same thing as numbing, but I think it's where you feel so much but you literally CAN'T express it, e.g. like you physically can't cry, even if you feel like you need to. Like you're sort of trapped in your own brain/thoughts and physically can't get out? That's the only other thing I can think of Smiley Sad? Sorry I'm not much help here

Anyway, being unable to cry despite feeling such intense emotions sounds really scary Smiley Sad Maybe don't keep trying to cry if it freaks you out/frustrates you not being able to... What do you think?

Re: “Delusions”

Sorry for such a long post, I should try to keep them short!

Re: “Delusions”

Sorry to hear that you are feeling confused and unsure @Eden1717. It must be difficult feeling like you are not sure how to answer a question or explain something to others. I can imagine it could be difficult at times when others ask you the same answer over and over again! I hope that you don't have to feel this way for too much longer Smiley Happy

Re: “Delusions”

@Sophia-RO  Thanks 

 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  I know they have to ask some things but I would much prefer if they asked if things had changed instead of making me go through answering everything all over again. It is kind of like being trapped in my own body but idk it is super hard to explain. I am not trying to make myself cry it is just like idk you know when you need to sneeze but it doesn’t happen and you just have that super uncomfortable feeling... kind of like that but with needing to cry. 

 

 

 

 

 

I am very scared and nervous. I saw my psychologist again and they said they had talked to my psychiatrist and apparently my psychiatrist is wanting me to try meds again and the psychologist said that she doesn’t think we will make any progress unless I do go back on meds and she kept saying that I have psychosis and how when I next saw my psychiatrist I needed to make sure to tell them about how the other beings don’t like me taking the meds and there was just a lot that she said that has freaked me out because I am really scared of taking meds again and I don’t want to have to go through that again like last time but I am scared that everyone will be pushy about it and I am just really freaked out. Like she kept saying “we will have to agree to disagree” because I said she was just saying that because she isn’t a human and she is trying to hurt me and she said that isn’t how she see’s it and idk I am just really nervous what if she and the psychiatrist are both working together to try and hurt me and this has all just been a big trick. It was my psychiatrist who found this psychologist what if this whole thing has been them trying to get into my head and control me. I feel like I really can’t trust anyone now. I just idk I feel like there is so much going on and I am really scared. 

Re: “Delusions”

Hey @Eden1717, the sneezing analogy makes so much sense, I think I'm starting to understand a bit better! That does sound uncomfortable and unsettling.

It must be really scary to think your psychiatrist and psychologist are trying to trick you Smiley Sad I don't want you to go through the same traumatic experience as last time with the meds either Smiley Sad

This made me remember when my psychiatrist kept switching up medication which caused me to keep going back to hospital. I had nagging thoughts that they wanted to hurt me or exploit me or were doing this on purpose Smiley Sad So I can understand a little about that suspicion.. But I'm okay now and more 'stable' so I've kind of dismissed these thoughts mostly..

So, lining up with your preferred check in question Smiley Happy , can I ask if anything has changed with respect to your sleep/self-care etc (the stuff you've been talking about in this thread)? Just wanted to check in because you've been going through a really tough time