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Re: “Delusions”

@Tiny_leaf  Idk to be honest it wasn’t unexpected but it just makes me think I am right even more so idk. The session overall was super intense today and left me feeling less hopeful about seeing her. Like now I just feel like there is no point bothering like she is just going to be more effort than she is help. 

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Re: “Delusions”

Hello @Eden1717, I am sorry to hear that your session was super intense and that this made you feel less hopeful. Would you be able to tell your psychologist that you are feeling this way?
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Re: “Delusions”

@TOM-RO  I did tell her because she kept asking why I had stopped talking and why I looked like I was feeling bad. But I am not sure if it is something that can be fixed or not. I am not sure. 

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Re: “Delusions”

Hi @Eden1717 

What do you think about how she reacted? Was it helpful?

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Re: “Delusions”

@Tiny_leaf  It was kind of difficult I just wanted to leave at that point but she kept talking and I get that she was trying to make sure I was ok when I left but like I just needed out. Idk like she kept saying that if I didn’t like something she did to just tell her but that is the problem I can’t always communicate when I am in those situations so I can’t “just tell her” that I am not comfortable. And she kept saying she would push me and like that is not something I respond to at all the more you push the more scared I get of you and the less I want to work with you I am much more of a leave something on the table and let me grab it when I am ready person. I just feel like she is not really understanding me and I get we have only met twice but I just idk it is hard to explain like the more she pushes the more that makes me feel like she wants to hurt me and then last night I ended up having a panic attack about it that and there was a new ish creature following me who was freaking me out and idk everything is a huge mess. 

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Re: “Delusions”

Hi @Eden1717,

 

I thought it might make more sense to reply to your post from the other thread here -

 

I'm sorry the session with the psychologist didn't go very well Smiley Sad I can understand that it is difficult to communicate when there is so much is happening in your mind, it sounds overwhelming. I'm a reflective kind of learner and it takes me a while to process things in the moment, so I have to go away and have some space so I can think more clearly and find out what it is that I want. Because in the moment, it can be hard to me to do that. 

 

It is great that you are very aware of yourself like how it is not helpful to have things pushed onto you and that it can be hard to communicate to the psychologist in the moment if you are not comfortable with something that she says. I think I read in a previous post that you have tried written notes before, just wondering if you think it might be helpful here too to help communicate these preferences if you wanted another session with the psychologist? I understand that you are unsure if you can trust the psychologist at the moment, and it is okay to take your time Heart

 

It must have been really scary having a new ish creature following you Smiley Sad Has it stopped now?

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Re: “Delusions”

@Eden1717 I react in a similar way, the more I'm pushed the more I resist in most cases.

 

You've written it down here, do you think you could copy and paste it into an email to her, or a letter to take with you?

Things like that can tell her which approach works best, a good psych should really listen to that.

 

Another thing is potentially finding a trauma focused or at least aware therapist. Because if thier work, they seem to be way more responsive to boundaries like that.

 

 

I hate when that happens...

Do you name yours? Once I named one of my creatures Gerald, it made him seem a lot less frightening for some reason.

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Re: “Delusions”

@cupcakes_032 @Tiny_leaf  Yeah I am planing to write her a note but it is just hard and like sometimes I just idk how to explain it hopefully the note works. The creature is not gone and probably won’t be they have been around for a few weeks now it doesn’t have a name but it is well kind of a witch but it is scary looking and follows me around and I am not sure of its intentions but considering after I ran away from it I had a panic attack and all the beings said I needed to kill myself I am not sure that they are good. It is hard and I keep getting really agitated about the “device” thing that I can feel in my head I don’t know how to explain it but last night was bad and I kept crying and pacing and saying get it out because it was feeling really uncomfortable and I got scared because I keep thinking if someone notices me I will end up back in hospital and I am too scared to go there again. Everything is a mess and the stuff with the psychologist is just making me more sure that everyone around me especially professionals are actually trying to hurt me. 

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Re: “Delusions”

@Eden1717 That sounds so hard.. 

I don't have the energy to do much but I'm here if you need someone to listen.

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Re: “Delusions”

@Tiny_leaf  It’s ok I am not sure there is anything anyone could do anyway. 

 

I am just so frustrated I am trying so hard to keep everything together but I just keep slipping and falling on my face. I just want to be able to do 3 things 3!!! That is it and every time I get anywhere even kind of close to any one of them it is ripped away again like this is all some joke probably because it is and I am so tired but I can’t sleep and I just want my head to be mine but it won’t be it never was I just I can’t hold it and I don’t know why I thought I could I thought I had found a way to keep it just on the side but now I can’t and I am trying I really really am but if I am not careful it will all go to shit again and I just I can’t even explain it everything is a mess.