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Desire to punish myself

I don't know how to let go of unhealthy guilt. I'm tired of being anger and bitter. I'm tired of being ashamed of myself. I've tried putting the past behind me, but I could only ignore it for so long. 

 

I'm tired of never feeling good enough, i know being perfect is impossible, but I don't know how to feel good enough without having to be perfect. I don't feel smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough. I feel unworthy and useless. 

 

i dont know what to do, other then punish myself. I don't know how I would punish myself, it could be physically or emotionally. But I'm considering it. 

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Re: Desire to punish myself

Hey @Creativegirl12 I hope you don't punish yourself. I believe that you do not deserve punishment. It can be hard to let go of the past hey? I can relate to that. Do you have any strategies for the the feelings of guilt? Would you be up to talking to a professional about this one on one? They would probably be the best in terms of how to keep dealing with negative thoughts that keep coming up.

Re: Desire to punish myself

Hey @Creativegirl12 it sounds like you are going through a really tough time atm Smiley Sad

As @loves netball has said - you do not deserve to be punished - are you safe right now?

Remember you can always call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Kids Help Line 1800 55 1800 or contact them online if you are feeling unsafe or need to talk to someone

Re: Desire to punish myself

@loves netball @May_

maybe I really need to take some time for myself for self-care. I've been all over the place lately. I'm worrying and ruminating over things, and been neglecting myself. And Ive been freaking out since I haven been productive. I've enrolled in a summer unit, but I don't know, it's so hard to manage. I was doing okay before, but I cracked a few days ago, and its not working out. I don't want to go back to the days when my mind used to be excessively occupied with suicidal thoughts. i want to feel human again, instead of feeling numb and hollow. I rather feel something, even pain then be numb. I don't want to adopt I don't care attitude towards life. But I could call KHL before I'm able to see someone and talk to them about it.

Re: Desire to punish myself

Hey @Creativegirl12

 

You show such great insight. In your last post you literally provide solutions someone else might offer. Amazing!

 

I really need to take some time for myself for self-care

I could call KHL before I'm able to see someone and talk to them about it.

 

 

Re: Desire to punish myself

Hey @Creativegirl12

How have you been travelling? Did you find any self care strategies that worked for you? I was wondering if there is anything you do to avoid or combat suicidal thoughts?

Let us know how you are going ☺
—————————

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.
– Henry Ford

Re: Desire to punish myself

@T4ils just getting through it I suppose. I have self care strategies. But it can still be hard :/.

Re: Desire to punish myself

Hey @Creativegirl12, I'm sorry to hear that you're still struggling. It does sound so exhausting to constantly have those anxious thoughts.

How is the self-care going? It might not necessarily make all of the anxiety and exhaustion go away, but it seems like you know already that some self-care would be helpful for you at this time.

Re: Desire to punish myself

How have you been doing @Creativegirl12? Thinking of you Heart

Re: Desire to punish myself

Sorry I haven't been on much lately, I've been really occupied with my summer unit. @safari93 it's getting easier to cope. I still have ups and downs, but it a lot more manageable.

@DruidChild I'm okay, feeling a little yucky (meaning I have a migraine). But hanging on.