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Does it ever get better

A while back I posted about a friendship issue, and i've been fighting so hard in my mind to feel better and its been one of my toughest challenges to overcome. Long story short me and my best friend had a falling out, and we are no longer friends. We shared pretty much all of our friends and i feel like i'm slowly loosing them all now because of this. Its so hard to remember the good times and just think what could've been if this hadn't happened, how much i should've counted my blessings before it all went downhill. My mindset goes up and down and I have good days and bad days, but I just feel like im a burden to all my friends. Nobody cares about my point of view anymore they just want what's best for them, even if that means leaving me behind. I just don't know how to feel better. Sometimes i want to distance myself completely from this group of friends but I also know how much i'll miss them at the same time. But every day i'm hurt by their neglect. 

Re: Does it ever get better

Hi @Mstar123,

Thank you for writing a post to let us know how you have been going since the fall out with your best friend, I can hear how difficult things have been for you these past few weeks. Losing a best friend is really hard and even more so when you feel other friendships have been affected too Heart I'm hearing that your other friends aren't really understanding what you are going through, is this correct? 

 

That journey forward after we lose a friend can feel really tough, and it sounds like you are giving a lot of thought to whether or not the wider group of friends are going to be the right people for you while you continue healing from this loss. I can hear that the early parts of the journey have been hard, but I have also seen in other posts that you have taken some really great steps to support yourself to keep moving forward like starting a new job. I want you to know that we are here to support your through this Heart Recovering after the loss of a friend is something we see quite a bit in this community, and you are never alone.

 

 

You mentioned feeling like your mindset is up and down, with good days and bad days. Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? I have seen in other posts you mentioned that you would consider seeing a counsellor, is this something you think might be helpful?

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Re: Does it ever get better

Thanks for your response. At first I had people within the group who I spoke with and they understood my side of the story and tried to make sure that I was treated fairly in a way, but as time has gone on slowly they have cared less about helping me in any way they only care about living their own lives and whats best for them. I understand this to a degree, because from another perspective it would be really tough in a group if 2 people werent friends anymore, trying to coordinate everyone, but at the same time they don't understand at all that what i'm feeling is 1000x worse than what they are, and they need to open their eyes and see that i'm just trying to feel better and be better. I have other friends outside of this group but majority are within the group. 

 

And more, someone who I wasn't super close with but is still in the group is having a birthday party and i'm not invited. I know that sounds like something a 2 year old would complain about but when your in a group and your the only one not invited somewhere it hurts. Its like everyones choosing the other girls side and just leaving me behind. 

 

I am still considering seeing someone its just nerve racking and expensive.

Re: Does it ever get better

My heart goes out to you @Mstar123. Feeling left out is a horrible feeling whatever your age, so I can imagine you must be feeling pretty isolated at the moment and maybe misunderstood. Perhaps it is better to step back a little bit and hang out with your other friends outside this group, as it may help things to settle a little bit? And give you some space from it all.

 

Going to see someone like a counsellor or psychologist can definitely be a bit anxiety provoking but it's about finding a support person that you feel comfortable with... This may mean using a helpline, like Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 or going to have a chat to your GP about getting a Mental Health Care Plan referral (which means that some of the cost of your sessions with a mental health professional could be bulk billed). I'll link you here to a bit more info on how to go about getting some professional support Heart

Re: Does it ever get better

I know that I should step back, and I have a little bit. But being isolated from the group can make me feel worse. So i'm trying to find a healthy balance. 

I used to never feel like I do now, but I feel like this experience has triggered something in me to start getting anxious and depressed. I hope its not permanent. And i'm sure as life moves on and the years go by I will forget about it all. But for now it feels like the biggest deal in the world. 

 

Along with this i'm trying to figure out my life. I was at uni for a while but the course I was doing I wasn't enjoying, i've had a year off and now I don't know what to do. Its hard to push yourself to go back to uni remembering how much time and energy it takes to go.

Re: Does it ever get better

Hi @Mstar123,

It's good that you are aware of how you are feeling and can identify that this experience has triggered feelings of anxiousness and low mood. What do you think about some of the suggestions @Erin-RO has made about options for seeking help? Do you think seeing your GP and looking at a mental health care plan could be a way for you to get some support? The earlier these sorts of things are supported, the better your outcome for recovery Smiley Happy

 

It sounds like you are in a place of trying to work out what's next. Is studying something you would still like to do in future?

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Check out our community activities calendar for October 2019 here

Re: Does it ever get better

I'm probably going to go to a GP tomorrow to talk about it and get a refferal. 

 

Yes I would still like to study so i have a good future and opportunities, I just don't know what to do.

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Re: Does it ever get better

Hey @Mstar123, that is awesome that you are heading to get a referral. Being left out can impact how you feel about yourself in more ways than you can imagine, so it might be good to get it all out. It is also really a nice feeling to have someone listen to you after feeling so lonely and rejected from your friend group.

What are you thinking of studying?

Re: Does it ever get better

I am currently a Nursing Student (differed), but I have no idea what i want to do

Re: Does it ever get better

Oh cool! I'm quite interested in healthcare myself, but I can definitely understand deferring a health degree - it's a lot of responsibility to take on, and it's not always the easiest thing in the world to study. What got you into choosing Nursing originally?