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Re: Domestic Violence

Thanks @Myvo,

 

I kinda reject help so I don't really use any web chats or phone services.  That's probably why I still haven't gotten over it, but I find things like that hard to let go especially when people talk about DV at school and they fall into all the myths and stereotypes and I can't say anything because I don't want people to know.

 

Yeah my Mum also lied to me daily or just act like nothing happened even though I knew something had.  We had holes in the walls multiple times from my stepdad 'tripping' and 'falling'.  After he left we still visited him on weekends and the obly reason I went was because i was worried about what he would do if I didn't and the fact that I had younger siblings going too.

Re: Domestic Violence

Just treat yours better than everyone else's.

Taking care of myself is lets say.. not my thing. I always worry about others and rarely about myself and being the hard headed person I am I doubt that will change.

Then just thinking it differently. Your mum cares about you, and your welfare will affect hers. So in essence, you taking care of yourself is very much taking care of your mother's wellbeing. haha oh my, I know what you mean exact about worrying about others. But after a while I reset my prioties, Taking care of my self >= caring for my parents > caring for my friends > caring for random strangers. 

 

As for asking your teachers for help? I am leaning towards asking for advices on how to studying, taking notes, understanding class contents. At your age, I didn't even talk to my teachers, took me till year 11 to see that my studying methods were horrid. If you don't want to bother your teacher, youtube or wiki how to focus. Your mood and level of stress will affect greatly on your results and I am speaking from experience. I have some general tips too like many others here. 

Re: Domestic Violence

That's exactly the thing @lovin each day I keep on trying to fix my behaviour and I can never do it. The thing is reports are going to be submitted in a couple of days I think so there's no way I can change and correct my behaviour now. She's gonna see it and either get really grumpy or worry. I know she cares but I would really appreciate being told that from another person because I have had her support all my life and it's 'too caring' if you know what I mean. I need a bit less of a softer approach when people talk to me and I've had pretty much all teachers I've had are female and take on the loving and caring approach except one. I guess I just really want a father figure in my life and I'm still trying to find one.

Studying methods? I don't even study, that's how bad my methods are. I put off everything and sometimes I do it late and sometimes never at all. My mum's also gonna see that and I can tell you now, she won't be happy. As I've said it's too late to correct what I've done and she's gonna see it.

Re: Domestic Violence

@FootyFan26 I know those feels too - I've also got younger siblings and in the past, I've also fell in the "line of fire" under my dad's wrath. The stigma around DV is pretty real, because people turn into nasty gossips when they find out Smiley Sad

 

In regards to reports and grades, there's always room for improvement. It really does take time and it's not an overnight trick either. There's also nothing wrong about being "overprotective" about the people you love either. Have you spoken to your mum about how you've been feeling about it? Even though you don't want her to worry, you could briefly mention that home's been a bit stressful. Like @lovin each day has said, asking teachers and counsellors for some advice on study tips could be a good way to go. 

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Re: Domestic Violence

Ahh I see where you are coming from. It is true she will very likely be very grumpy. But what i am talking about is the next one. What is done is done. Nothing you can do to change it now. Here are uni we have a saying at exam period. If its finished its finished, forget everything and go prepare for the next one. Though some people takes it too literally and forgets everyhting they studied for hahaha 

 

The thing is, it might be too late for this upcoming report, but you have the next one, the one after and so on. You have a lot of time to readjust. Maybe give her a pinkie swear and tell her you will do well on the next one. Its year 9, year 10 is the year you need to care about. As for the father figure, well I cant really give you advices on that since I dont have any experiences about it. 

 

Well studying method, they are not as complicated as you might think. google: "how to study smart" and a flood of infomation will be presented to you. 

 

As I have said, it's not about correcting what had already happened, it's about correcting yourself now so you can do better in the future. 

Re: Domestic Violence

@Myvo I won't turn to my mum about this because I guess I just want a view from a different perspective. Study tips I can do later.

I guess I just want someone with me at home where I'm not as alert and can relax a bit more whereas at school I'm more alert and won't talk about much anyway because it just gets bit frustrating when people don't understand. It's like throwing a ball at a brick wall hoping it will stay there but it comes beck every time. You always try to explain stuff to people and hope that it will stick but they believe the stereotypes and the ball just comes back again.
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Re: Domestic Violence

@FootyFan26 When you say that you'd like someone with you at home, is there any nearby family members or anyone in mind that you feel would be supportive? And yeah, having to explain to people (and everyone under the sun) is annoying and tiring too. It's interesting how people choose to believe the stereotypes, myths, and assumptions until it happens to them or someone very close to them. It's unfortunate that it has to come to that for the tables to turn, instead of educating themselves to prevent such events. 

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Re: Domestic Violence

No @Myvo. My dad's side of the family is big but they live at least 45-60 minutes away by car, being 15 I haven't even started getting my license. The rest are spread out and the closest family member would be at least a half hours drive away. 

 

The only people I feel like I have really related to are most of my male teachers and one female teacher. Others in my class don't understand because they always see me liking a teacher as having a crush. It gets really frustrating. I would really love to be able to hang out with a male role model and just escape from my home life. I don't really know what else I have except for footy. I can't play footy in the backyard because it's so small and where I go to play I have to go with at least one other person to stay safe(and to kick with).

Re: Domestic Violence

@FootyFan26

 

Hey there,

I thought I'd take this oppurtunity to share a little of my own story about living through domestic violence, hopefully it helps you in some way. 

 

i spent the first 15 years of my life being neglected and mentally + psychically abused by my drug addicted parents - not provided what i needed to attend school such as books and correct uniform, and had nothing to stay safe and warm and be loved like all children should be. i did my best to provide for my other siblings, i did my best thats all you can do as an 8/9/10 year old with no money or support from anybody.

 

my parents only paid attention to us when they wanted something to hit and hurt. unfortunately my dad was worst for it and it happened every single night until i was 15. and it was much much more than just hitting, but i can't go into detail here. i have scars and marks from these nights. this was usually when he was very drunk. i spent every single moment of my childhood terrified, lonely, feeling useless and feeling unloved. he manipulated and controlled me, Mum and my siblings.

 

I used to see Mum crying and telling us "one day we will leave". It's only recently that I've began to understand how hard that must of been on Mum. I used to think, why didn't she just pack everything up and go?? Why couldn't Mum protect her children? It can't be too hard, right? wrong. Mum told me last year she tried 7 times to leave Dad but coudn't get away, he'd find his way back or he would convince her things would be ok. 

 

When I was 15 I spoke up about my home life, this was to a teacher at school, it took a lot for me to open up because I was threatened by Dad so many times about telling anyone - police, school counsellor, teachers. 

But it was the best thing I ever did, I can't imagine how much things could of escalated if I hadn't told anyone, I might not even be here if I kept quiet. 

 

I'm 20 now and my younger siblings are still in care, I spent a few years in care too. My dad died last year and my mum is still using drugs. 

 

i have been able to achieve something with my life and i am determined to be something and do something with my time in the world. i was constantly told i would end up being nothing in life, but look at me now - got a house of my own, got friends, play in a band, a full time apprenticeship, play footy both for local and in representative teams, and I'm working on my mental health issues!

From a difficult start and 15 years of absolute hell, I'm leading a fulfilling life, its been a long time coming but I'm proud of my ability to fight.

 

 I will never ever regret speaking it up, even though it caused temporary pain, in the long run it was no doubt the best thing I've done and enabled me to start living my life for me and helped the rest of my family. 

 

Sorry its so long. Hopefully you can sort of see that no matter how hard it is, speaking to someone about it will help. 

 

Jay, 

 

 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Domestic Violence

Hey @FootyFan26 - you do want help because you are here and talking to us.. And I'm so glad you are... Because you are going through something tough and you don't ave to do alone....

I'd really like for you to consider your position that you have rejected help and won't try web-counselling.. coz it's free and available for you and can actually help. It doesn't mean you have to let go of what has happened, it just gives you some extra coping skills... We can help you the best we can but sometimes you do need one-on-one support that we can not offer... think about it... 1800MYLINE you can webchat with anytime, even if the domestic violence is not current you can still get counselling about what you have experienced.... think about it.

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