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Domestic Violence

 

My Stepdad was violent against my mum for a long time and I could never do anything because I was too small.  I've gone from seeing her on cloud nine all the way to sobbing on the floor.

 

Sorry I don't see the point of writing anymore. I tend to swear a lot when I talk about him so I probably shouldn't even attempt to write more.Smiley Indifferent

Re: Domestic Violence

Hey @FootyFan26, I understand what you're going through. It's something I don't talk about much, but my stepdad was violent with my mum over many years too. She was (and still is, I guess) one of the strongest women I knew, and yet she stayed with him after he assaulted her, lied about the black eyes to her friends, made excuses for it. I wish I knew back then what resources were available (like 1800 RESPECT) and what I could have done for her, and for myself, even though I was too scared to do anything except withdraw and get angry and depressed. Is your mum safe these days?

 

By the way, it's completely ok to talk about this. The only community guideline you might need to be mindful of is graphic descriptions about violence but it sounds like it's something that's important for you to get off your chest.

Re: Domestic Violence

Perhaps you can focus on how you are feeling towards it and how it affected you.

I think its very encouraging start, mate. I am sure there are people here who went through the same thing and can share their experiences with you so you can..mmm... adjust. Taking care of yourself will be a huge relieve to your mum i am sure. One of my old man's believe (I think its very pretty good when it comes to family) is that "It is very important to take care of yourself, as well as love your family."

Not really meant to be independent, just meant that keep yourself healthy, happy, and organized. Either way i am bubbling on. Don't get discouraged, big smile on face, and keep on walking forward!

Re: Domestic Violence

Yeah @ElleBelle she's safe but I still worry. I worry in my own house with my mum just down the hallway and nothing will stop it. I'm lucky he's gone but he can still come if he wants to.

There's nothing stopping him from coming. I'm very alert when it comes to these types of things. I even make plans in my head sometimes 'just in case'.

 

And if that was a hint I will not be calling anyone.Smiley Wink

Re: Domestic Violence

@lovin each day she's probably gonna find out through my school reports anyway since my behavior has been bad and I nearly always got good reports until now.

Re: Domestic Violence

Ahhh Well I have been in your shoes before (part about having bad report). You probably should explain to her and maybe even give her some reassurance. 

 

But as for HSC, and how the report will affect you. If my memory serves right, if you are in year 11, doesnt really matter haha, yes your heard me, reports in year 11 doesnt really matter xD it serves as an indication on what your year 12 subjects should be. If you are in Year 12 right now, then just put all of your effort in the HSC finals. Well it does sounds like you are in year 11, so dont worry too much. Sort yourself out first and prepare for year 12 HSC.

 

haha give your mother a hug and tell her you love her. Stay strong bud.

Re: Domestic Violence

What about year 9?Smiley Happy

 

Honestly I'm just worried about my mum and believe me I am not bringing it up.  I'm going to do everything in my power to not let her see my report!  I guess I can act differently at school so mum doesn't know how I act or feel because I hide it.  I am not telling her anything, I know apparently it's good but I can't bring myself to do it.  After seeinng/hearing what she has had to go through I don't want to get her worried about me.  I should be worried about her which I am.

Re: Domestic Violence

9? hahaha long way off mate. That's the time to do a lot of extracurricular activies to get credits for HSC. 

 

hahaha Sure, sometimes got to believe in your own judgement. But do so on the basis that you yourself will mmm what's the word, deal with your stress and get better marks next term. I think you are acting very mature that you are thinking about your mum about this, but a word of caution, taking care about yourself is just as (maybe a bit more) important as well. 

 

When my mum had cancer, it made me realize it was the little things that made her happy rather than big surprises. Hug her when you return home each day, tell her something humorous at school, or just make her a cup of hot beverage. Rather than showing her you are worried, a smile would do much much more. 

 

but the main thing is sort yourself out mate. Talk to that teacher you mentioned, and hope you do better next term.

Re: Domestic Violence

Hey @FootyFan26

 

Sorry to hear that Smiley Sad Like @lovin each day has said, there are people out there and here on the forums can relate to. I can definitely relate to this.

 

Throughout my childhood, my dad was really violent towards my mum. During my final year, coming close to my Yr 12 finals, there was a situation that escalated horribly where our entire street came out to witness Smiley Indifferent It was a very difficult time for us all, and like @ElleBelle's experiences, my mum also lied about her injuries. She also went onto tell me that "he's still your dad (even though he's done bad things)" and if any authorities (e.g. social workers, police, etc.) ever approached me to get any answers, I was supposed to lie about it. It really is challenging to look out for the people you love and yourself too. Years gone by, I'd like to think that I'm better educated about DV and where to get help. So you're not alone in this. 

 

If you need someone to chat to or would like some advice on handling DV, you can contact Safe Steps, who have a 24/7 hotline for family violence, and Victoria Legal Aid for the legal side of things. Don't forget there's also Kids Helpline via phone and webchat too. Although you may feel that there's nothing you can do to stop him from coming in, I think it's great that you've got a safe plan or set of actions if something does happen. 

 

Hope this helps. 

 

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent

Re: Domestic Violence

It really frustrates me when people don't treat their parents with respect because I know and a lot of the RO community would probably know that lives can end fast.

I feel like I bug that teacher too much and it's report writing time so all the teachers are cranky anyway! Apart from all the 0's it's the behaviour anyway not the marks although she won't like either. I think I've become overly protective of my mum (just a bit) because of what I've seen her have to go through and I guess I'm just used to it,.

Taking care of myself is lets say.. not my thing. I always worry about others and rarely about myself and being the hard headed person I am I doubt that will change.