Done with her.

[PeanutJelly148]

Content warning, some of the items discussed may cause discomfort for some.

Honestly thought my christmas would be alright bbecause of how ive grown as a person. Our Christmas is normally boring and nothing happens, i would try to avoid them as much as possible because my mental state the last three years.
Well my sister is long story short being a *excuse french* bitch. And I've tried to be nice ect for the past few months but today she's worse and i gave up trying to be nice and by the end of the night i will admit i was a bit of a bitch because no one is doing anything about her.
So im now in my room in tears wanting to selfharm again because everyone is blaming me and saying i'm such a bitch and my sister is just a sweet girl.
They don't get thatI've had enough because they've only been here today, and don't know how it's been for the past few months.
So sick of this. My parents won't do anything and I'm now thinking of moving out even though my Mum really needs my help running the farm.

[Bree-RO]

@PeanutJelly148 damn that sounds hard so has your sister been really giving you a hard time for a few months? I really feel for you, I went through a similar thing a few years ago.. it's so painful when people judge you and side with someone without knowing the backdrop of the whole situation. Just purely on a few hours of interaction.

I think it's important to remember those people have no idea about your story. And you are strong, and are an amazing person. Would you be keen to maybe stay on RO and chat with us all about it instead of SH? We really want you safe

[PeanutJelly148]

I don't know how not to do it, every single time i get to a certain point my first thought to relieve the pain is to Sh. 

I don't have any friends who can help either and I'm scared that this time I'm  not going to be strong enough to stop myself

[Bree-RO]

Hey @PeanutJelly148 will you consider giving SCBS a ring or chatting to them online due to these thoughts of SH?

It's ok to seek support around those thoughts. Here's the link to the chat [click here] and the number is 1300 659 467.

[Bree-RO]

@PeanutJelly148 woops clicked enter too soon! What do you reckon?

[PeanutJelly148]

Whats scbs?
I can't call as people xan overhear and my phone os glitching really badly.

[PeanutJelly148]

I've calmed down abit, so im not crying as much, but i really don't know how I'm goimg to handle tomorrow after milking. the thought of facing her makes my blood boil and how I'm goimg to be with mum and she didn't realise i had been crying, it doesn't feel very nice

[Bree-RO]

That's okay you can web chat with them It is a free service with qualified counsellors if you feel like self harming.

Or do you think you'll be able to stay safe.. did you have any distractions you could try? We could help you come up with some? @PeanutJelly148

[PeanutJelly148]

I think i should go to sleep, i have to get up 5:30 to milk. But that's only a temporary type of thing.
I'll try to call in the morning but i really dont want to inconvenience anyone with it being Christmas.
And i don't have any good strategy, my old one i would use would to replicate the sh in a harmless way, but people can see that and i cant have people see

[PeanutJelly148]

I think i am going to go to sleep now, I've calmed down enough. I'll see how i feel in the morning and give the people a call, see how that goes.