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Re: Dont know what to do

@j95 No worries - it's ok. Quite understandable about how you're feeling. I get that for some people have divided views on law enforcement. But we're here Heart

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Stay excellent
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Re: Dont know what to do

They have been helpful for me at some points in the past but other times especially with my Dad not at all. I'm sure they might be able to help I just dont know how prepared I am to call them. Thanks @Myvo Heart

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
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Re: Dont know what to do

It just makes me so upset and angry how people really couldnt care less about their own kids
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
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Re: Dont know what to do

hey jay - it's so understandable that you are angry, frustrated, at the end of your tether probably. You've been dealing with this your whole life from both parents, and no one should EVER have to deal with this from anyone.

The sad fact is (and I worked in DV support for many years) that we (as a society) are just not set up to help people who experience domestic violence very well. If you just want to vent, that's totally OK. Be angry about how little the police do sometimes, you have every right to be.

You probably know that what's happening to you is still domestic violence and it's illegal. She is breaking the law, but there are non-criminal ways to get protection through an AVO. There are options to get AVOs without the police in some states but you go directly to the court.

If you would like to talk through your options with someone, webchat (or call) 1800RESPECT. https://www.1800respect.org.au/

Take good care, glad to hear you have people supporting you (girlfriend & housemates).

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

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Re: Dont know what to do

hey @j95 

 

So very sorry to hear how incredibly hard things are with your mum. It makes it so difficult to know what the right thing to do is when it's someone as close to you as a mum. It would probably be more straightforward for you if she were some random person that had followed you home from the shops.

 

You sound really clear that you want her out of your life. It also sounds like she can not be reasoned with. Whether it's the drugs or something else, it sounds like you have no luck reasoning with her whether she's under the influence or not. But this may be the thing that helps you make a decision about what you need to do next. If someone can't be reeasoned with and they are harrassing you and frightening your partner, you're left with no option other than to call the police.

 

An AVO won't put your mum in jail unless she repeatedly breaches it, but if you don't have one there's not much the police can do.

 

I'm not saying thhis is what you should do but I do believe it's worth spending some time reading about it on the net and making a decision after you know a bit more.

 

Hope you're ok today. Let us know how it goes for you.

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Re: Dont know what to do

 

@Sophie-RO 

 

Thank you

You're right society isn't equipped to deal with domestic violence very well, there isn't much out there at all to help people going through issues like this and makes things even harder, like there is counselling services but I feel like they dont actively help the situation as in they dont come and help you if call them up. Whereas if you call a service like lifeline up and say you're going to commit suicide there will be somebody at your doorstep (which I'm not saying is a bad thing!). But in my experience, I have called people up in the past and nothing has been done (but thats just my experience), there is very little services designed to help people in domestic violence situations. I'd hate for anyone to have the same experiences I have had with the police and everything not being helpful.

 

This whole thing just does not make sense to me and it makes me so angry that they Mum thinks its ok to treat her kids like this and Dad was the same. It seems like no matter who happens they don't change!

 

Will talk to 1800Respect and see what my options are.


Thanks Sophie.

 

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@NigioC

 

To me it seems like they are so reluctant to put people in jail. After nearly 20 years (my lifetime) of being involved in domestic violence, my Dad never set foot in jail, even though I know he should of and I know he did not deserve to walk free after everything he did. I had an AVO against my Dad, he continued to breach it and the police continued to do nothing, it wasn't worth having honestly - it didnt stop him. I'm not saying its a bad idea but can you see why I have trouble trusting these people who are supposed to be helpful? 

 

Thanks for your help and support Nigio

 

 

 

Will keep you both updated. 

 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
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Re: Dont know what to do

Please do let us know how you go. I really hope that 1800 RESPECT has some options that you think might work.

 

I totally hear you when you say you've lived this for 20 years and so much of the options out there don't work.

 

The truth is that when I say 'try calling the police' what I really mean is

'you shouldn't have to live with this. You deserve to have a loving mum and dad who love you and support you and keep you safe and the fact you don't have that is not at all a reflection on you, it's just that they aren't able to be good parents and that sucks.'

But that won't help you when she's at your door screaming. 

 

But mostly this just sucks and it is absolutely not your fault. 

 

Take care Jay. Smiley Happy

 

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Re: Dont know what to do

@NigioC  Things really really bad tonight. Mum came over, now I'm in emergency. The police are going to help sort out an avo and stuff. 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
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Re: Dont know what to do

Oh matey @j95 I'm so sorry to hear it came to this. Let us know if there is any info or support we can help you with and know we are here just to chat if you need.

Even though it's awful that you've ended up in emergency, getting the protection of an AVO is probably for the best.

Thinking of you

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

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Re: Dont know what to do

Thanks @Sophie-RO 

You and everyone else on Reach Out have been so helpful to me through all this. 

Thank you so much! Heart Smiley Happy

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//