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Double standards at home

I'm turning 29 this year and am living at home. I was a teacher and was completing my rural service out west when it all fell apart. I had to come home as I couldn't afford to go or live anywhere else and now after some time, I've finally found a casual job I like to go and am studying for a degree, I've always wanted to do but didn't.

 

So I work 5/6 days out of the week, when I'm working I'm doing uni study and then when I'm not doing that, I'm trying to get my buisness up from the ground.

But, when I'm at home; I get this strong feeling that I'm a burden and am in the way. I don't go anywhere or spend any money because I can't afford to so why can't they see, that I'm working my ass off just trying to keep myself together.

I have 3 siblings. One brother and two sisters. My brother is a prince, can't do no wrong and literally, when he wants something my parents jump. My younger sister, is currently living in London and she's very much the same, when she wants something my parents jump. My youngest sister is on a sport scholarship in America and my parents are very gracious towards her.

But with me, I swear at times it just doesn't feel right. If I owe my parents, I pay them back. I owe them now, so every week I pay back something towards what I owe. If I ask to have something paid for me and I'll pay them back out of my wages for the week, my mother always rants on how much money they don't have etc yet she'll go shopping, have her nails and hair done etc.

 

I'm quite tech savvy so I'm trying to help them with their technology problems/issues on a daily basis plus trying to complete a website for them to help business etc but again, I feel that they don't really care half the time.

I'm sick of feeling like there's something wrong with me all the time. Plus, I'm tired of constantly having to take in their comments etc. I'm tired of thinking that this is something that will just go away when it doesn't.

Am I just being silly?

Re: Double standards at home

Hi Jayne279, welcome to Reach Out!

 

I can identify with so much of your story. I'm also 29 and I had been living interstate for six years. My relationship fell apart around the same time that I quit my job, and I had to move back to my hometown and in with my mum and her husband. I'm even back in my own bedroom, sleeping in my old cildhood single bed - it's really bizarre. Since I don't have a lot of money I don't go out much either, and I also owe my mum money as she paid off my credit card debt for me. I completely know how you feel about being a burden. My mum hasn't said anything outright but I know she thinks I don't do enough to earn my keep and misses that freedom of having no kids at home.

 

There is such a huge difference between living at home as a kid and coming back as an adult. It takes adjustment on both sides, and I imagine both of our parents are trying to work out how to give us the respect of being grown ups whilst actually needing our help to participate in keeping up the household. You're not being silly - it's just a big period of adjustment. It's not forever, and there is light at the end of the tunnel which you are actively working towards.

Although it's skewed towards a younger demographic, this article on conflict with parents can be really useful. Sometimes it's best just to lay all your cards on the table and talk it out with your folks. It might not be an easy conversation to have but if you can clear the air it will be worth it.

 

Good luck! I hope you can stick around and let us know how it's working out.