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Dysfunctional Families

I suppose I should start by saying that my parents are divorced, and that I live with my Dad and my Step-Mum 16hours from the town that my Mum lives in.

 

My mum and I have never gotten along that well, she's bipolar and not the nurturing type. After my parents divorce I lived with her for a year, and it was the worst year of my life. She was horrid, she'd call me names, I'd cook dinner most nights and take care of my autistic brother while she was at work. I was depressed,  but I didn't tell anyone, I just stayed up at night wishing I could die, imagining the ways I could do it.

 

She told me I couldn't go back to my Dad's house because I was only 12, and I wasn't old enough to decide for my self. After a year, I turned 13 and told her she couldn't stop me, so I moved to Dad's house, and later we moved towns entirely.

 

Twice when I've visited her she's kicked me out, at night, with no where to go. She still won't admit that that's how it happened, saying I ran away to all her friends (coincidently my friends mothers)

 

Whenever I call her now, which isn't often, she tells me that I've replaced her with my step-mum, and that I've broken her heart and asking me why I keep hurting her. She doesn't want to hear about my grades, and says I care too much about intelligence, and that I should get a boyfriend to make me happier.

 

I envy kids with mothers they can spill their thoughts to, and be themselves around.

 

I can't deal with being told that I've ruined someone's life, I just want to be 15. I've told her that I'm not an adult, I don't want to be told that I'm awful, or that I've disowned my mother, I want someone to pat me on the back and tell me that I'll do better next time, or that my grades were fantastic.

 

I've tried telling her all of this, of course, but it hasn't worked, it only makes things worse.

 

I'm stuck, help me.

tay

Re: Dysfunctional Families

I am sorry things have been so tough with your mum. I can inagin how hard that is for you. Especially when she isnt say very nice things to you. YOU have done well you took the steps to move out and take care of YOUSELF. that is a huge step.

 

I am sorry i do not have much to offer i just wanted you to know i was thinking of you! and sending you support!

Re: Dysfunctional Families

Hey Liv,

Firstly let me say that this is definitely not an easy thing to go through. I commend you though, for standing up to your mum and saying you're going to live with your dad, I don't think that would have been easy to do.
I don't have much advice for you unfortunately, I wanted to say though that you are so strong and you're definitely not an awful person, you haven't ruined anyone's life! From what I see you're an amazing person who has taken steps to look after herself, which ultimately is the most important thing - to look after yourself.

It might be helpful to talk to someone else about this, Kids HelpLine (1800 55 1800 | www.kidshelp.com.au) are amazing, they have helped me so much, or their is eheadspace (www.eheadspace.org.au), which is also a great place to start.
I'm assuming you still go to school, maybe you could drop by the school counselor and have a chat?
Do you get along with your dad and step-mum? Maybe you could have a chat to them?

Let us know how things go for you?
Take care, thinking of you x Smiley Happy

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart
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Re: Dysfunctional Families

Liv,

 

I really feel for you. It sounds like you have done everything you at this point to make amends with your mum at this stage and if she is only going to be negative when you call her, it might be best to limit contact even more. That said, I can imagine how heartbreaking it would be to do this.

 

From what you say your mum has said to you, it sounds like she is wrestling with a lot of guilt about not looking after you and probably some jealously related to you living with your step-mum. But you can't take that on - as you say, you are only 15 and its not your role to carry that burden.

 

Bee suggested you talk to your dad and step-mum about how you feel and I agree with this idea. Is this something you feel comfortable doing?

 

Let us know how you get on and jump on here any time when you feel you need to share your frustrations.

 

BW

Re: Dysfunctional Families

Hey Liv,

 

It's hard when all you want to do is be able to talk to your Mum.  Remember that whatever she says or does isn't true.  The only one who can make it true is you.  You're not who she says you are.  She's probably got a lot of her own baggage and insecurities and is using you as a scape goat.

Hope that you can find someone to talk to and help you out with all of this.  Let us know how you go.

Cheers,

sagira

Re: Dysfunctional Families

"You're not who she says you are."

 

That's so true. You're not a bad person just because someone says you are. Only you can choose who you want to be. 

 

 

Re: Dysfunctional Families

Hey Liv,

I think I can relate to you on some level, my parents aren't together and my mother and I most definitely don't get along.

Yes, valuing parents is important, but don't let theirs, or anyone elses negative opinions define you. The way she's acting is selfish, and nobody deserves to feel this way. Don't let her drag you down, and focus on making yourself the best you can be.

As much as it may hurt, I believe dialling down the contact you have with her would help. She's not really helping your mental and emotional state which is uber important. Focus on being a kid while you can. That's what matters.Surround yourself with people that will talk you up and make you feel good about yourself.

I feel the same way about envying other kids' relationships with their mums, and one day I hope you and I, and every other kid like us can have good relationships with their parents.

Good luck!

- B

Re: Dysfunctional Families

Hey Liv,

 

I am not good with the advice, but i thought i would post and let you know that on some levels i can relate. I too have a dysfunctinal family and things arent quite so smooth there. I am sorry to hear that you too have a situation like that, because i know that its not nice.

 

But darl know you arent alone, there are people here on RO who get it.

 

Feel free to stick around on the forums and remember take care of you my dear. 

 

Tp