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I don't know what to call this so enter a subject it is. 

As you guys may be aware I'm currently on holiday in Victoria. It's great but.... I don't know ... I just idk... Things are getting to me. 

The week before I left I had a bad psychotic breakdown. I've been trying to keep as busy and absorbed as possible so I don't have time to think about it. Now I have time... 

And my best friend is also getting to me. He gets so crabby and always yells at me. He pretty much controls everything we do and then gets shitty. And the heat is getting to him so he just ends up yelling at me. I know he has HF autism but it's still hard. 

And I feel down. I don't know why. I guess I could just be tired. 

And today I dressed drag. It felt weird. I look so feminine, that was kinda the purpose but as a Transguy it felt odd.

And I kinda feel like I could get psychotic again soon. Keeping busy helps but when we're back at the tent my friend doesn't want to do anything so my mind wanders. 

And I kinda want to go home. Holidays are scary 

===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
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Hearing you @redhead. I am glad elements of it are awesome, even though some elements are overwhelming. It's not abnormal to feel a bit off on holiday at times, as you are away from the comforts of home. Have you tried documenting your trip? The highs and the lows? Whether it is simply keeping a journal to vent - what you are experiencing & hardships you face could feel super therapeutic and it might help you see a bit more of the good along the way.

 

How cool that you're in a tent! Didn't realise you were camping Smiley Happy

 

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@Bree-RO thanks for the reply.
I'm not usually one for journals. I guess with my photography im documenting the good bits of my trip, that might be something.
It's just tonight is really hard for some reason.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Enter a subject

Great I'm seeing things again. Though maybe it's just shadows on the tent
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Enter a subject

Hey @redhead this is frustrating I am sorry to hear. Anyone you can chat to and ground yourself a bit? ReachOut is here as well Smiley Happy I would be keen to see a couple of photos of things you've seen on this trip!

 

How good is Sovereign Hill Smiley Happy 

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@Bree-RO my friend is asleep.
And most of my photos are on my camera not on my phone. I have some selfies dressed up but that's about it.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Enter a subject

IMG20180120122225.jpg

 

This is of the botanical gardens in Melbourne and like the only non selfie shot I've got. 

===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Enter a subject

@redhead ahh nice, it's been ages since I've been to the botanical gardens here! What's been on the agenda for today? Feeling any better now that it's daytime?

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

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@lokifish we went back to sovereign hill for the second day and came back to the camp site to swim then had dinner.
Today hasn't been much better. I was too scared to speak to any mental health services and my friend is ignoring my mental health rn.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Enter a subject

@redhead sorry to hear today hasn't improved. Can you get any breathing room from your friend? Must be frustrating they are not supporting you. We're always here to listen.