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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Ugh I keep randomly crying because my CM is leaving me next week.. I'm just barely coping as it is and now I'm back to constantly worrying all the time and getting stuck in thought loops like I was before I met her. I hate the constant anxiety. Macy was meant to be here when my CM left, but now I don't have anyone I've built enough trust with Smiley Sad

(TW) And I had a thought that I wish I'd killed myself years ago in high school so I wouldn't have to be here now and usually I'm okay with these thoughts cause there are people I can offload that on but now I'm back to being alone and I can't go back to that place I was in of being alone for so many years.. I've grown accustomed to feeling cared about and being able to talk to people. So the fact I had that thought scared the heck out of me because I wished it was true in that moment and I'm scared of myself. I don't know why it freaked me out so much seeing as I have these thoughts all the time
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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

I'm just really really scared, I can't go back to being alone, I can't go back there I don't know what will happen Smiley Sad
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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

That sounds so incredibly stressful, and I can really understand why you'd be feeling especially concerned about losing your CM after not having Macy around to talk to anymore. 

Even though things are hard right now, I think that you're a really cool person and I am glad that I was able to meet you Smiley Happy I am sure that @MB95@Eden1717, and a bunch of other users feel the same. I know it seems hard now, but you've made some really great friendships so effortlessly on here, and I am sure there will be countless more friendships waiting for you in the future Heart does being able to chat on RO help with feeling lonely at all?

 

I have to log off for the night now, but it's really important that if you are feeling unsafe at all, that you do contact a helpline Heart

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Hey @Lost_Space_Explorer5 wanted to check in and see how you're doing today? It sounds like it was a bit of a rough night last night, hope you were able to sleep ok and are doing better this morning.

It must be hard with the changes around your supports and not having that trust yet, what supports have you got in place at the moment?

I also want to echo what Andrea was saying about the friendships you've made here, it's so beautiful to see and I hope you know we're always here for you Heart

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

I've got a psychologist that I'd see weekly but in terms of crisis supports I don't have anyone except like helplines @Hannah-RO. I'm feeling really down and hopeless so far today Smiley Sad

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

I'm sorry you're feeling down and hopeless today @Lost_Space_Explorer5 Smiley Sad What have you got on today? Maybe you could schedule in some time to do something for you?

 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

@Hannah-RO I've just been sleeping because I prefer it to being conscious and being worried about everything but I can't sleep anymore because I've slept too much. I don't know what to do today, covid led me to give up on things I used to do and I cant get back into them because if I did I'd spend the whole time worrying about everything and focusing on negative stuff which would make me feel worse
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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  that sounds really tough Smiley Sad Is there anything that you could do that feels safe at the moment? I have always loved the GIFs and artwork you have created and posted here, do you think you could lose yourself in that for awhile? Or could you go for a walk somewhere? It really sucks that covid has made a lot of self care activities a lot harder, I really feel you there Smiley Sad 

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Check out our community activities calendar for August 2020 here
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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

I washed my hair and splashed my face with cold water so that's made me feel a bit better and I might go for a walk a bit later @Janine-RO Smiley Happy I finished the animation I was making for the mental health place my treating team works at so that might go up on social media sometime which is exciting hehe Smiley Very Happy
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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Good on you for doing that @Lost_Space_Explorer5 - I honestly take my hat off to you, hair washing is one of those tasks I really struggle with when I'm feeling shit, so major respect to you! 

I hope you enjoy your walk later too Smiley Very Happy

That is very cool about your animation! Super exciting Heart